Texas Chili

[Micro469]

I know that Texas' state dish is Chili, and just wonder how my Chili stacks up to all yours.
I just made a batch tonight, and thought I'd share the recipe. Then all you TEXANS can knock me down and post yours....

1Lb. ground beef
1 green pepper
1 red pepper
1 onion
3 cloves garlic
lotsa mushrooms (I love mushrooms)
1 stalk celery
1 large can diced tomatoes
2 cans light kidney beans
2 cans tomatoe soup
3 or 4 Tbls. Chili powder (didn't have any real chili peppers)
Dash of salt and pepper
1 bay leaf

Chop up everything real fine, fry meat, add chopped veggies, add liquids, add chili powder, simmer on stove for about 20 mins... transfer to crockpot and leave on low over night. By tomorrow morning it should be ready....

[Kevin A]

Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, So I accepted.


Here are the scorecards from the event:


Chili # 1 -- Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
Judge # 1 - A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild
Judge # 3 - Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.


Chili # 2 -- Arthur's Afterburner Chili
Judge # 1 - Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 - Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 - Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


Chili # 3 -- Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
Judge # 1 - Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 - A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 - Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from all of the beer.


Chili # 4 -- Bubba's Black Magic
Judge # 1 - Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 - Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 - I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. bitch is starting to look HOT -- just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?


Chili # 5 -- Linda's Legal Lip Remover
Judge # 1 - Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 - Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 - My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.


Chili # 6 -- Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
Judge # 1 - Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 - The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic Superb.
Judge # 3 - My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I **** myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.


Chili # 7 -- Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
Judge # 1 - A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 - Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 - You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like **** to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


Chili #8 -- Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili
Judge # 1 - The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge #2 - This final entry is a good, balance chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili.

[Micro469]

[Miriam C.]

Oh God, I can't breath when I laugh like that. I will never be able to go to another chili feed again. They will kick me out for laughing hysterically.

[asianflava]

The big debate is weather chili should contain beans or not. Supposedly, a true Texas chili contains no beans. I like beans in mine though, I prefer pintos instead of kidneys.

[Joseph]

The big debate is weather chili should contain beans or not. Supposedly, a true Texas chili contains no beans. I like beans in mine though, I prefer pintos instead of kidneys.

I don't know about what makes a "true" chili, I just don't care for beans in mine. Or if I gotta have 'em, I too prefer pintos or black beans over kidneys.

The recipe sounds OK for Kate - she's a delicate little flower when it comes to spicy foods - but I'd add paprika, cumin, cayenne and chopped jalepeños to kick it up a few notches.

Joseph

[Bill_Storey]

Chili was originally just meat and peppers stewed together, usually with beans on the side. It provided a different flavor for people (ranchers and cowboys) that ate beef at most of their meals. My chili recipe has never been written down, mainly because I never make it the same way twice. I can approximate my every day eating chili but no amounts for spices could be given, for they are to taste.

3-5 lbs of the cheapest beef you can buy cubed to ~ 1 inch cubes
1-2 extra large onion chopped
2-3 cans Rotel tomatoes
chile serranos seeded and chopped (amount to taste)
garlic chopped fine (to taste)
salt
pepper
cummin
red pepper flakes
FRESH chili powder (it loses its flavor quickly if not used up)

brown meat, preferably in its own fat, and sweat onions. Add tomatoes. Remember, Rotels have peppers already mixed in. Add just enough water to cover meat. Season to taste. Simmer until meat falls apart. My chili ends up very thick.

You can control the flavor by varying the amounts of various spices, and also by varying the stage in cooking where you add the various spices.

This chili is an everyday eating chili, not a contest chili. You want just enough red pepper and serrano chili to give you a tingle on the back of your throat, but not enough to set anyone on fire. Having said that, do whatever you think is right .

Everyones chili is different. Make your chili to suit you and yours.