Teardrop Fiction

Things that don't fit anywhere else...

Not totally fiction; not all truth

Postby queeniejeanne » Thu Jul 01, 2010 5:41 pm

Sassie A story not for the faint of heart!


Thoughts race through my mind….stop, go, stay, run, no, no, no, small black spots of any size, can’t look, won’t look, you cannot make me look!

I should take you back, back in time to the cause of my angst, of the arguable thoughts in my head that are like my Grandpa’s wrestling matches every Saturday night on the television, the only light in the room’s darkness.
The night was to be one of fun and frolic at a local casino. Myself & husband Dennis, not the most talkative person. My brother, always talking about inane things & his partner, not unlike Dennis, in the knowledge that you don’t open your mouth until you have something important to say. My Mother, always laughing, always putting a funny turn to the battle with the Alzheimers taking her mind, at 81 years old, pretty content with completion of her “Bucket Listâ€
HEY a tiny trailer. Whatever it takes.
User avatar
queeniejeanne
Lifetime member
 
Posts: 727
Images: 21
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2008 3:52 pm
Location: Branson Missouri

Postby Miriam C. » Thu Jul 01, 2010 10:10 pm

:o :cry: Awee that is so sweet! And pretty good story telling. ;)
“Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.â€
User avatar
Miriam C.
our Aunti M
 
Posts: 19673
Images: 149
Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2006 3:14 pm
Location: Southwest MO

Postby godskid » Fri Jul 02, 2010 12:27 pm

Awwwww, Poor Baby shih tzu!! I'm glad she turned out okay. My previous shuh tzu was also scared of storms -- I had to sleep on the bathroom floor to keep her company, in a room with no windows and a fan running to cover the noise of the storm.

Fortunately, my current shih tzu couldn't care less about storms. Or fireworks, which is good because the 4th is coming upon us, and people are practising with their private fireworks!
User avatar
godskid
The 300 Club
 
Posts: 317
Images: 10
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 5:53 pm
Location: Chicago area
Top

Postby Tumbleweed_Tex » Tue Jul 06, 2010 9:20 am

Just as I suspected...there are talented writers hiding amongst us.

:applause: :thumbsup:
User avatar
Tumbleweed_Tex
cowboy storyteller extraordinaire
 
Posts: 251
Joined: Wed May 19, 2010 10:06 am
Location: Texas
Top

Postby Tumbleweed_Tex » Tue Jul 06, 2010 9:23 am

swissarmygirl wrote:
Tumbleweed_Tex wrote:I didn't answer on the first ring...I was admiring the pretty, multi-colored 3D stars bursting inside my head. Nor did I answer on the second ring...I was too busy learning to fly through the rainy night. The third ring was cut short by my abrupt landing, which apparently served to only temporarily loosen the wire from between my locked teeth.

(Did you know that most callers give up by the fifth ring?)


:lol: :rofl:
Tex, your stories are a hoot!!!


Thank you kindly, Ma'am...
User avatar
Tumbleweed_Tex
cowboy storyteller extraordinaire
 
Posts: 251
Joined: Wed May 19, 2010 10:06 am
Location: Texas
Top

Postby Cliffmeister2000 » Tue Jul 06, 2010 9:24 am

So, Tex, how was the weekend of teardroppin? :thinking:
God Bless

Cliff

♥God. ♥People.
1 John 4:9-11

My Teardrop build pictures

Image Image
User avatar
Cliffmeister2000
Titanium Donating Member
 
Posts: 3618
Images: 157
Joined: Thu Jul 26, 2007 10:18 pm
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Top

Postby Tumbleweed_Tex » Tue Jul 06, 2010 9:30 am

Cliffmeister2000 wrote:So, Tex, how was the weekend of teardroppin? :thinking:


Thursday – rain
Friday – Rain
Saturday – RAIN
Sunday – finally put the new boat in the water – windy and overcast
Monday – packed up and came home – beautiful day

In a nutshell – A Wonderful Weekend :)
User avatar
Tumbleweed_Tex
cowboy storyteller extraordinaire
 
Posts: 251
Joined: Wed May 19, 2010 10:06 am
Location: Texas
Top

Postby Tumbleweed_Tex » Tue Jul 06, 2010 9:35 am

URGES

Renee has a modest woodworking shop down by the creek, equipped with table and miter saws, a router table, a small planer, and a cantankerous old dust collector that works really well if you can keep it from plugging up. When the moon is right, me and Dog will build a cabinet or two for the office, a new display case for the store, or something a little more custom and unique.

Well...the other day at the hardware store, I ran across this new and improved wood glue with a picture of a gorilla on the bottle. The monkey was quoted, right there on the label, as saying this was absolutely, positively, the strongest glue ever made...stronger than steel...unbreakable...yeah, right. Making a statement like that to a cowboy is…well…you know. I bought two large bottles of the glue…for testing purposes.

As a result of spending two whole days making four of the most beautiful floor-length, hickory cabinet doors you ever saw, and then spending a minute and a half cutting all four of them an inch too short...I had closed the door to the shop with a slight measure of authority a few days earlier. And as a result of THAT, the doorframe was splintered and cracked, and the door wouldn't stay closed properly.

Since I knew the hickory wasn't the last mistake I'd ever make (and thus the door would most likely be subjected to more abuse), I figured the monkey glue was about to meet it's match, and set about to prove that no ape could stand up to a perturbed cowboy when he decides to slam a door.

Gorilla Glue is moisture activated, and works by chemical reaction. The monkey says to moisten the surfaces to be glued with a damp cloth, apply a thin coating of glue to both sides, and clamp the pieces for maximum adherence. She (with that expression, it's gotta be a GIRL monkey) also says the glue will foam and expand as it cures, but that part is included under the warning label, which no self respecting cowboy or big black dog is going to waste time reading.

I took a cup of water and literally drenched the door and frame. I applied the glue until it dripped off onto the floor. I then closed the door, using it to hold the broken frame tightly in place. Dog and I then spent a leisurely afternoon sorting tools, sweeping sawdust, and lying to each other about the ladies in our lives.

Along about 4 o'clock, I got me one of those "serious" urges. Now, for those of you less schooled in country etiquette, I feel inclined to explain that even though the shop has no restroom, "common" urges can easily be taken care of by merely stepping into the bushes behind the shop. "Serious" urges however, require a short hike up the hill to the showerhouse, and as urges go, can quickly become the more urgent of the two.

That's when I discovered, at some point in the afternoon, the door and frame had turned into a huge, dripping, foaming mass of what can aptly be described as “gorilla snotâ€
User avatar
Tumbleweed_Tex
cowboy storyteller extraordinaire
 
Posts: 251
Joined: Wed May 19, 2010 10:06 am
Location: Texas
Top

Postby Wolffarmer » Tue Jul 06, 2010 10:22 am

Cleaning up my monitor ...............AGAIN.

Great work Tex. :applause: :applause:

Randy
Last edited by Wolffarmer on Tue Jul 06, 2010 11:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
"these guys must be afraid of the dark"
User avatar
Wolffarmer
Donating Member
 
Posts: 4429
Images: 304
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 1:32 pm
Location: Idaho Rupert
Top

Postby steve smoot » Tue Jul 06, 2010 10:28 am

Tex, having just used monkey glue for the first time in my 64 years, I can testify that you are not stretching the true by much... :lol:

Steve
I am not a complete idiot, some parts are missing...
User avatar
steve smoot
Lifetime member
 
Posts: 1355
Images: 62
Joined: Thu Sep 17, 2009 5:42 pm
Location: Boone NC
Top

Postby eatatjoz » Tue Jul 06, 2010 11:36 am

Well if we're going to bring up "urges", I s'pose I can contribute.
I'm no cowboy, but somehow I figure that a redneck can't be too far off the beaten path.




The house has gone silent except for the rumblings of my tummy.
The kids are gone, Adam has left for the afternoon, and I sit here recovering from a major mistake.

Four hours ago, I decided to do something that I should have never considered doing.
I grilled up some veggies.
My body is not accustomed to such a thing, but I had a craving and went against all intuition.
Mixing mushrooms, apples, red and green bell peppers, squash, and sweet onion with a hint of Ms. dash and Tiger Sauce©, I threw this meal on the fire and went back to torturing Adam, by spoiling his kids. Nick in the front yard hitting golf balls across the highway, and Lance shooting the bow at various beer cans and charcoal lighter fluid bottles. Everything was going fine.

Soon my meal was ready to be eaten, and the kids were merrily playing Grand Theft Auto (since I taught them how to pick up hookers). I had a few minutes to relax and chow down on some delicious grub.

The food was excellent, if I do say so myself, and very filling. I haven't ate green stuff in a while now, so it was a nice change. It was a change that should have been avoided however!

Shortly after I consumed this delicacy of plant material, the warning signs began. Brrr, growl... and another larger and louder BRRRRLLLL came forth from the inner unmentionables of my body.
This would not turn out pleasant.

The whole thing hit me like a freight train, and I went running for the restroom.
Through the screen door on the deck, around the corner and into the hall, I stumbled on anything, and everything in the way. Soon I had reached the restroom and with a quick attempt to enter, found the door... locked!

Next bathroom!
I once again began to run in a attempt to save my pride and my Levi's. Rounding the next room and grabbing the handle, I discovered one very important fact about kids. They go to the bathroom at the same time, and whenever it's most inconvenient for the rest of the house.

No choice now!
I ran down the stairs and out the back door to a secluded little tree in the corner of the yard, dropped trou, and expelled the vegetables that had been consumed just five minutes before.
I was exhausted, sweating, and relieved after mere seconds of bodily expulsions. No where in my mind could I have conceived of the events that followed

1: fire ants like to make their nests around trees.
2: my bare ass was hovering above said tree.
3: it's impossible to run when your pants are around your ankles

I don't know how to describe the actions of said fire ants or myself, but a disruption of the calm Sunday afternoon soon followed. There was screaming, and running naked through the front yard involved, the kids were very amused and my screaming seemed to startle the dogs next door that seemed to reply with various howls of sympathy pain.

I finally managed myself to the side of my truck where I wiped myself off and killed any remaining fire ants.

As I looked up, sweating and fevered, I noticed the religious crazy lady next door staring at me from her back deck.
Her next words spoken will be forever ingrained into my memory.

"Satan is coming for you!"

Tell him to bring toilet paper and Benadryl!
User avatar
eatatjoz
Teardrop Master
 
Posts: 182
Joined: Wed May 27, 2009 9:21 pm
Location: Mayflower, Ar
Top

Postby Tumbleweed_Tex » Tue Jul 06, 2010 11:59 am

I just CLAIM to be a cowboy, 'cause it's easier than explainin' what a redneck is...

Great story...and I can identify. The last green thing I ate was a burrito, with much the same result. I think half the fun is realizing that the Yankees have no idea what fire ants are.

:roll:
User avatar
Tumbleweed_Tex
cowboy storyteller extraordinaire
 
Posts: 251
Joined: Wed May 19, 2010 10:06 am
Location: Texas
Top

Tumbleweed Tex

Postby queeniejeanne » Tue Jul 06, 2010 12:39 pm

Tex, you must have camped in the same rain storms we were camped in over the weekend. Pulled up stakes on Sunday morning and did something else. Something more fun. :lol:

I could not let a challenge (call of the chicken) go unanswered, but I have to say that storytelling is hard work.......

Your job must be a mighty brain draining thing. :thinking:

Looking forward the the next story from anyone.

Joe's, good story....I have one on my husband but will have to have help to tell it thru, due to my rolling with laughter every time I think of it.
Jeanne
HEY a tiny trailer. Whatever it takes.
User avatar
queeniejeanne
Lifetime member
 
Posts: 727
Images: 21
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2008 3:52 pm
Location: Branson Missouri
Top

Re: Tumbleweed Tex

Postby Tumbleweed_Tex » Tue Jul 06, 2010 12:58 pm

queeniejeanne wrote:...a mighty brain draining thing. :thinking:



That's easy for YOU to say...geez...I can't even READ that wthout concentrating really hard.

Still, when the draining happens, I just do something else. Something more fun. :lol: :roll:
User avatar
Tumbleweed_Tex
cowboy storyteller extraordinaire
 
Posts: 251
Joined: Wed May 19, 2010 10:06 am
Location: Texas
Top

Postby Miriam C. » Tue Jul 06, 2010 3:57 pm

:lol: I swear I dislike body fluid jokes butttttt :lol: I think I will stay out of Texas. Chiggers are bad enough..... :lol: :lol: :lol:
“Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.â€
User avatar
Miriam C.
our Aunti M
 
Posts: 19673
Images: 149
Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2006 3:14 pm
Location: Southwest MO
Top

PreviousNext

Return to Off Topic

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests