Humor of the Day

[Hardin Valley Magic]

I don't have one to add at this time but, thanks for the laughs I needed it today....

[TonyCooper]

Wednesday Humor of the Day

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Of course it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

[Mainstreat]

Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducked.....sorry, thats really bad

[gailkaitschuck]

Three little asparagus (?asparagi?) were walking down the street. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a car comes roaring down the road and BOOM! hits one of the little asparagus, squashing him flat.

The other two asparagus run and call for an ambulance which races over, picks the limp asparagus up, puts it on a stretcher and races off to the hospital.

Later, all the little asparagus family gather in the waiting room, wringing their little asparagus hands, waiting for the report from the ER. Finally the doctor comes out and all gather around him.

The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is he's going to make it. The bad news is he's going to be a vegetable the rest of his life."

[TonyCooper]

Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducked.....sorry, thats really bad

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.

The one turns to the other and says, "Dam"!

[Spadinator]

Spring has Sprung.......Fall has Fell

Winter is here..... And it's colder than........usual!!!

[Boodro]

Ok , a Priest , a Rabbi & a Minister walk into a bar ,the bartender turns around & says " Ok , what is this ? Some kinda joke!"

Ok a blonde is out for a walk & comes to a river . She sees another blonde across the river & says " YOOOHOOO! How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde looks up stream , then down stream , & says" You ARE on the other side!"

Ya'll be cool!

[TRAIL-OF-TEARS]

This is one my criminal justice prof told us during class one day.
A little boy is down stairs playing with his train set while his mother is upstairs making lunch. She hears the train go around then stops and the little boy says” Any one who wants to get off this damn train, get off. Any one wanting to get on, get your @ss on.” The mother is so upset with her son she sends him to his room to think about how he acted. After about an hour the mother goes to the son and says “have you thought about what you said”? The son replies, “yes Ma’am”. Feeling very good about herself the mother says, “you can go back down and play, but remember be nice.” Again the mother hears the train go around and stop the boy says “All you nice ladies and gentlemen who wish to exit the train please do so at this time. All you nice ladies and gentlemen who wish to board please do so know. If any of you have a problem with this, go talk to the b!7ch up stairs.”

[BufordT]

http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/bits/march24.swf


Check this one out.

Bufordt

[TRAIL-OF-TEARS]

ok here is another.

This is my favorite.

A first grade teacher is teaching her class about taste. So for a lesson she gives them a taste test and makes the children guess what flavor candy she has. The teacher passes out the first piece (apple flavor) to each student she tells them to eat it then they can guess what flavor. The kids suck on it for a while and little Becky raises her hand and says, “It is a piece of apple flavored candy.”
“That is correct Becky, it is apple,” the teacher replies. Then she passes out the next candy (it is grape) to each child. The kids pop it in their mouths. After a while Timmy raises his hand and says, “Its strawberry.” The teacher tells him it is not strawberry and they should guess again. That is when Bonnie raises her hand and shyly says, “It is grape.” “Very good,” the teacher says. Now she hands out the last piece (honey flavored) to each child. She tells them this one is very hard. The kids unwrap the candy and taste it. They taste the candy for a long time; no one can figure it out. The teacher finally, gives them a hint, “some times your Mommy calls Daddy this.” At that moment little Billy jumps up and yells, “Everyone spit it out, it’s an @sshole.”

[TonyCooper]

Thursdays Thought for the Day

The importance of Correct Punctuation! (Anonymous)

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours?
Gloria

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Gloria

[TonyCooper]

Thursdays Humor of the Day

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

[tupelosue]

here's a fun way to spend the evenings, mornings, afternoons...


http://trunks.secondfoundation.org/files/psychic.swf

[gman]

NEW CHEMICAL ELEMENT FOUND!

The recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of a
new chemical element. A major research institution has recently announced
the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element has been named *Governmentium*. Governmentium (Gv) has one
neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would
normally take less than a second to take over four days to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass
will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. When catalyzed with
money, Governmentium becomes Administratium
- an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it
has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

[Guy]

That is truly funny.