moving mom in,,,

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moving mom in,,,

Postby PKCSPT » Thu Jan 01, 2015 11:57 am

I am looking for other people's experience . My mom has gotten to where living alone is no longer a safe option. We would prefer to put her in a memory care center or nursing home but there are waiting lists for beds. If you have moved a parent in with you what tips tricks or pitfalls should I know about?
Not looking forward to this but at least I won't be maintaining two places anymore .
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Re: moving mom in,,,

Postby CAPT KIDD » Thu Jan 01, 2015 12:05 pm

I moved in with my mom when she was 90 and all went well most of the time. I did have to take the knobs off the stove so she wouldn't burn the house down. Other than that and not letting her drive anymore it was all OK. Just remember to be very patient.
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Re: moving mom in,,,

Postby Roly Nelson » Thu Jan 01, 2015 1:05 pm

My 93 year old Swedish Mom, couldn't live alone anymore, so we brought her to So Calif from Illinois. She easilly became part of my family once again. Being a cat lady, she loved my cat, who slept with her every night. We took her for drives all over, from the sea shore to the local mountains and she really enjoyed it. She had a great time at some of the Swedish clubs and gatherings, where she was able to speak her native tongue. Ya-Sure, Da Vas so goot. Her health was getting worse after about 6 months, (I think she had a slight stroke), and we finally brought in Hospice to take over her meds and bed care right here in my home. Those folks are angels on earth, did a great job, making her comfortable and she died in peace and pain free, with her loving cat at her side. We would do it over again, and have no regrets. It's kind of like paying it forward, and it works. Enjoy your Mom's last days, I'm sure she will too.
:) Roly, the son of a very loving Mother
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Re: moving mom in,,,

Postby Redgloves » Thu Jan 01, 2015 5:16 pm

Karen,

There are many points to consider before moving mom into your home.
As you have been on the journey of becoming an adult caretaker of an adult, the roles are reversed. You become the parent to an elder. A major psychological shift for both of you.
1-Do you have support from your spouse, kids, and siblings?
Without family support, you will be the primary caretaker responsible 24/7/365.
2-Who is the power of attorney/medical decisions/bill payer?

There are 3 scenario to consider based upon your mothers condition.
1-Is the issue primarily memory
2-Is the issue memory and physical limitations
3-Physical limitations with intact memory.

Of the 3 situations, the physical limitations with intact memory is the easiest because she can participate in conversations and express her needs.
If the primary issue is memory with no physical limitations then you will be taking on a huge physical and emotional journey. We all know that sleep cycles are disrupted when dementia conditions begin. Personalities change when the sun sets, nice dear old mom can become very mean, angry, and combative, and physically stronger due to adrenalin. Somebody may become injured. You may benefit from training how to protect yourself and your mother from harm.

Last I knew you worked nights, who will be the caretaker while you are working and trying to sleep during the day?

What modifications are needed to your home?
Bathroom: Small space with huge impact on a persons daily physical needs
Is the bathroom handicapped accessible? Comfort height toilet seat and grab bars? What about bathing? Tub/shower, stand alone shower meant for one person. If she needs physical assistance bathing, how will this be accomplished?

Steps into house? Can she physically manage the steps into house, what about a ramp?
Door width?
Stairways-will you need to block access
Kitchen: ranges are dangerous, what can you do to protect her from cooking in the middle of the night?
Cars, where are you keeping automobile keys?
Bedroom: If your mother sleeps all night, then no issues. If she sleeps four hours or less, how are you going to get adequate sleep. While the following advice may appear to be considered by some as abusive, you may have to consider locking her in her bedroom at night for safety reasons. Yes, I have friends who have had to lock their loved one in at night to prevent them from roaming at night.........

While you are working who is going to take care of Mom? You will be called at work with Mom issues, employer tolerance will wear out. If her memory is slipping fast, plan on not working....will make your life much easier taking care of her full time.

Who can you count on so you can take breaks, go grocery shopping, out with friends, etc? Respite care is important for you to take care of yourself and your family.

Your mother is becoming a vulnerable adult, the county and state rules affecting vulnerable adults can be a bureaucratic nightmare to navigate. Caretakers walk a fine line of protecting the vulnerable adult and keeping your sanity.

There are many success stories that are positive and rewarding and the complete opposite. No one can predict the outcome until the journey is complete.

Good luck

Jean
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Re: moving mom in,,,

Postby Woodbutcher » Thu Jan 01, 2015 8:27 pm

Great reply Jean. There are so many things to consider when doing this and your answer really makes good points to think about.
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Re: moving mom in,,,

Postby mezmo » Thu Jan 01, 2015 9:18 pm

Great useful guidance given there Jean ! Thanks for sharing
that with everyone who may be in need of such great counsel.

Cheers,
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Re: moving mom in,,,

Postby dexstrom » Thu Jan 01, 2015 9:19 pm

Search out Respite Care services in your area, it can be a big help for you the care-giver. We recently did some senior care-giving and a local parish had day time drop-off care available for a reasonable fee. This really helped when we had to take care of other life's necessities that could not be done while tending to the person. And someone else mentioned Hospice, they are your friend!
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Re: moving mom in,,,

Postby ctstaas » Fri Jan 02, 2015 2:11 am

Hi Karen and Bless you,
I have been a care giver and in my experience don't forget to take care of yourself while you are committing this act of kindness. A person can get worn down to an unhealthy point without realization until it's too late. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others.
The ADA has information on appliances that will aid transfer to facilities. Properly placed handrails and grab bars are essential.
I have found a website that has been very useful to me and maybe can benefit others called Eldergym.com by Doug Schriff Pt. I use his program 12 exercises to regain your balance and am slowly learning to walk again after a prescription medication poisoning. His program is free and it works. If you find his program and it works for you please tell a friend because the chances are they might know someone Doug can help.
Have a great new year.
Enjoy, Chris
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Re: moving mom in,,,

Postby dales133 » Fri Jan 02, 2015 2:21 am

Bless you with that decision it works for some and not for others.
My mother's the person I hold most dearly in my life but setting ground rules would be a massive challenge.
I admire you for not taking an easier option.
Much love to you and your family while you make this hard decision
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Re: moving mom in,,,

Postby PKCSPT » Fri Jan 02, 2015 5:06 am

I have power of attorney and her healthcare, have for years and it was updated recently . I also have the support of my kids and husband.
She had a stroke but was able to return home, with family assistance which is me stopping by morning and night to give her pills and see if she had another stroke. My husband goes when I am too tired and saturdays. It is usually easiest for me to stop on my way to and from work and all days off I spend with her. Each of my kids have become places my mom and I hang out and my daughter does dinner once a week.
However despite daily excersize she has gotten less stable and memory is now slipping.
Our house is not handicap friendly and has little chance of being converted.
And yes I work nights.
we are moving her in as beds in memory care units and nursing homes are on a wait list. I have to get her on medical assistance so she gets help paying for a bed, when we find one.
Not my first round with dementia my dad had it but after a hospitalization they found him a bed. Just be the first time moving a parent home.
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Re: moving mom in,,,

Postby dales133 » Fri Jan 02, 2015 5:55 am

Good luck my friend you seem to be making an intelligent educated decision.easier than the decision I'm trying to make but no less enviable
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Re: moving mom in,,,

Postby PKCSPT » Fri Jan 02, 2015 7:13 am

Thank you everyone. I truly appreciate all the feedback,it helps. I need a taller toilet and bars for her. Thank you Jean for reminding me .
Chris, I will look for that excersize information, sounds good.
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Re: moving mom in,,,

Postby dales133 » Fri Jan 02, 2015 7:36 am

You can get a "toilet seat it's a frame that fits over witch has a frame around it to aid getting up and ßitting
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Re: moving mom in,,,

Postby aggie79 » Fri Jan 02, 2015 9:13 am

My mother moved to a senior independent living facility in October after recuperating in assisted living facility from a stroke she had in July.

Bathing/showering can be difficult if your mother has any physical limitations. If you have a combination tub/shower you can get a sliding bench that allows a person to sit outside and "scoot" into the tub. For a shower only you can get a chair. Sitting down will requires handheld shower head Look for the ones made for showering while sitting. They have a longer hose.

We also subscribed to a life alert system. The pendant she wears around her neck can detect if she falls and will alert 911.
Tom (& Linda)
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Re: moving mom in,,,

Postby 48Rob » Sat Jan 03, 2015 8:22 am

You guys are great! :angel:

I can only hope one of my kids would be willing to do this for me, if the need arises...

Rob
Waiting for "someday" will leave you on your deathbed wondering why you didn't just rearrange your priorities and enjoy the time you had, instead of waiting for a "better" time to come along...

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