Mom has passed on,,, now what?

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Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby PKCSPT » Thu Aug 06, 2015 11:21 pm

After many years of helping my mom care for my dad who passed in 2007. Been taking care of mom since then. My mom passed on today in our home. I will miss her but it is a blessing as her health has been declining, especially in the past year with a stroke and heart attack.
Now I have to figure out what do I do tomorrow when I get up and don't have to check on someone? I how does one go through a day without planning someone's care into all plans?
This is going to be a strange new world for me.
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Re: Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby dales133 » Fri Aug 07, 2015 5:58 am

Verry sorry to hear of your mothers passing.
I suggest tomorrow you address your emotions and sorrow then celibrate her life and then get busy with yours.
Im sure she wants to see you find happiness more than anyone...i think a road trips in order
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Re: Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby rockinrobin » Fri Aug 07, 2015 6:40 am

Your Mom was very fortunate to have you to take care of her!
" It's all good"
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Re: Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby jstrubberg » Fri Aug 07, 2015 8:19 am

It's a big change. My advice is don't make any sudden changes. Breathe a little, relax into where you are now in your life and be thankful you were able to help all those years.

Don't worry about filling your time. When someone acres enough to help, there will always be those who need you.
The more stuff I take along, the more time I spend taking care of my stuff!
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Re: Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby S. Heisley » Fri Aug 07, 2015 9:51 am

PKCSPT wrote:After many years of helping my mom care for my dad who passed in 2007. Been taking care of mom since then. My mom passed on today in our home. I will miss her but it is a blessing as her health has been declining, especially in the past year with a stroke and heart attack.
Now I have to figure out what do I do tomorrow when I get up and don't have to check on someone? I how does one go through a day without planning someone's care into all plans?
This is going to be a strange new world for me.


Condolences on the loss of your Mom. Even though you state that it was a blessing because of her declining health, her death is still a loss to you; so, start by being kind to yourself.

1) Allow yourself time to grieve. When you are alone and able, be with the pain as the bleeding of the soul is cleansing.
2) Remember that with pain, eventually comes anger. For whatever reason, it does come. Keep a light weight/plastic fly swatter handy for that. You can hit counters, tables, etc; and, even if the windows are open, nobody will be the wiser nor will surfaces be harmed. While anger anesthetizes pain, the effort of swatting at your pain and anger can be purging. If anybody sees and comments that you must be having a lot of trouble with flies, you can smile and say that you guess you shouldn't leave the windows (omit curtains/blinds in your statement) open so much. (...You won't be lying.)
3) Once the storm of pain and anger has diminished, linger on all the good things that you received because you were given and lived with your mom (and your dad) and be thankful for those. The memories of good times will always be there for you, as will the lessons and support that they gave you.
4) Don't be in a hurry to do anything permanent. Making a decision too soon could cause you to be sorry later. This is especially true when it comes to buying/selling big ticket items. Be kind to yourself but take your time deciding on your future. Fill the empty times with little things. Go to a movie. Go out to a favorite restaurant with a friend. Volunteer. Take a small vacation or maybe plan on taking that big trip that you've always wanted to take; but, don't make any permanent changes for at least a year.
5) Eventually, enjoy the opportunity of being alone. Do something that you would never have done while your mom was living with you. Indulge in a bubble bath with good music and low lights. Eat dinner and/or dessert in front of the television. Buy some new trinket for your current home that you would never have bought before. Take up a new hobby or train yourself in a new talent. Do something that safely treats you to a little happiness.
6) Know that, with time, things will get better and fall into a good place. Be patient and love yourself.

One more thing....Put your arms around yourself and squeeze. That will be a hug from me. :)
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Re: Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby Catherine+twins » Fri Aug 07, 2015 6:39 pm

You are in my thoughts. Be good to yourself and take it easy for a while.

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Re: Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby PKCSPT » Fri Aug 07, 2015 10:24 pm

Thank you for the hug Sharon, and everyone for the good thoughts. It was so strange to wake up and not have to take care of her or anyone. This will take some time. I can now plan a trip around me and my husband and not a parent needing my care. After 15 years that feels really strange. Hope to get out overnight this week and I won't have to stop and check on anyone on my way out of town or my way back.
Thank you again everyone
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Re: Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby mrwall1 » Fri Aug 07, 2015 10:30 pm

I am sorry to hear.... We took care of my mom the last 6 years of her life, and like yours she had a heart attack and a stroke, so her quality of life was not real good... but even after 7 years I miss her all of the time, but am happy she is not suffering anymore... I will pray for you especially while you are still grieving....
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Re: Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby pchast » Fri Aug 07, 2015 10:52 pm

My condolences on your loss. Its time to sit back and remember the
good parts. Have a good trip overnight together this week.
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Re: Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby Alan_H » Sat Aug 08, 2015 7:17 am

Sorry to hear of your loss, take solace in knowing that your parents are now united, and take time to grieve. Life will be different, but it is good that you have your husband, you both now should take some time. I had a similar circumstance, it is hard to adjust to the loss, but it is also good to get reacquainted with your spouse in this new life as well.

You are in my family's prayers.
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Re: Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby Verna » Sun Aug 09, 2015 12:27 pm

My heartfelt condolences. I miss my parents every day, but they're back together. It's strange to take a trip and to not check in to tell them where I am. My siblings insist that I tell them now. I'm able to travel more, but I always have my Mother's driver's license and a copy of Daddy's with me, so they're always traveling with me. Grieve, take your time deciding where to go from here, but know they are always with you.
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Re: Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby Shadow Catcher » Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:17 pm

Your reality has changed and good things can come out of that. You have a freedom you have not had for 15+ years, and yes you will still miss her.
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Re: Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby rebapuck » Mon Aug 10, 2015 5:16 pm

After my Mom passed. I slept for a week.
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Re: Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby Werdahekrwe » Mon Aug 10, 2015 11:09 pm

So sorry for your loss. I can truely empathize, as I lost mine in '91. I still have a void in my heart, even though I am confident of where she is and know we will be together again. I have just startd planning a new build, "THE FOAM DUCK". Much of the basics are found on my post. I also am the primary caregiver for my DW, Erma. Been married 49+ years. In fact a lot of the "DUCK" is planned around her special needs
. Once again, so sorry to hear about you loss.
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Re: Mom has passed on,,, now what?

Postby PKCSPT » Tue Aug 11, 2015 7:58 am

Thank you everyone. Life is different now. My husband has pointed out as I missed so much camping over the years I should try to get some in. If I can dig up a couple dollars I am going to do that, get to a state park and not worry or plan about mom's care.
Her and my dad are together again.
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