Dad Jokes

Things that don't fit anywhere else...

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tom&Shelly » Tue Nov 28, 2023 9:17 pm

In a government office where I worked there was a door with a sign on it: "This door shall remain closed at all times!"

No...what the sign maker was thinking of is called a "wall". :thinking:

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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tom&Shelly » Wed Nov 29, 2023 4:09 pm

I love going outdoors!

It's a lot safer than going out windows.

(Or walls.)

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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby rjgimp » Sun Dec 03, 2023 2:38 am

How do you get a farm girl's attention?

A tractor.
-Rob


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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tom&Shelly » Sun Dec 03, 2023 3:46 pm

Don't know why, during the cold war, so many countries thought communism was a good idea.

I mean, the red flags were everywhere!

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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tom&Shelly » Sun Dec 03, 2023 7:23 pm

Tonight we had a "one dish meal" for dinner: chopped up fried spam, diced onions, two cans of beans, canned tomatoes with green chili, all mixed together, topped with crushed Ritz crackers, and baked. Shelly hummed as she mixed the ingredients.

It was a stirring rendition!

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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby rjgimp » Mon Dec 04, 2023 3:40 pm

If there's one thing that makes me throw up it's a dartboard on the ceiling!
-Rob


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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tom&Shelly » Wed Dec 06, 2023 9:21 pm

There is a place in France where everyone wears their clothing a size too large.

Toulouse.

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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tom&Shelly » Fri Dec 08, 2023 6:20 pm

A young wolf pup wandered away from his pack, and found a family camping in the mountains. They mistook him for a stray dog and took him back home to Kansas as a pet. All was well until two years later, when they went back to camp in the same spot. The pup, not having learned the skills of wolves in a pack, got lost and wandered for several days, until, tired and hungry, his instincts took over and he let go with a lonely, mornful wolf howl.

Luckily, his wolf mother happened to be in the area and recognized his wail. She came to the rescue, bringing a dead rabbit. "What's this?" the pup asked.

"Carrion my wayward son. Save me a piece when you are done.
Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more!"

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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby rjgimp » Sat Dec 09, 2023 1:38 am

:lol: :applause: :thumbsup:
-Rob


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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby rjgimp » Tue Dec 19, 2023 2:06 pm

BAD NEWS!!!!

My pet snake swallowed a tiny blue pill and now requires treatment for a reptile dysfunction. :frightened:
-Rob


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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tom&Shelly » Tue Dec 19, 2023 5:26 pm

rjgimp wrote:People are often shocked when they find out I am not an electrician.


When people comment on how Shelly and I fixed the leaks in our house, we realize our dreams of becoming unlicensed plumbers have gone down the drain!

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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tom&Shelly » Wed Dec 20, 2023 4:09 pm

I stepped on our digital scale this morning and found I'd gained 3.14 pounds.

Shelly says it's the pi I ate for dessert.

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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby rjgimp » Thu Dec 21, 2023 9:38 am

If a bottle of poison reaches its expiration date, is it more poisonous or less poisonous?
-Rob


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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby rjgimp » Thu Dec 21, 2023 9:39 am

To the person who taught me the meaning of plethora... thanks, it means a lot.
-Rob


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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tom&Shelly » Thu Dec 21, 2023 8:34 pm

How do you get four elephants in a mini?

Two in the front, two in the back.

How do you know there are eight elephants in the church?

Two minis in the parking lot.

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