Dad Jokes

[Dan242]

Why do they call it a Tuna fish sandwich, but not a Chicken bird sandwich?

 

[DJ Davis]

I'll be the first to admit that my relationship with alcohol is on the rocks most of the time.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

I'll be the first to admit that my relationship with alcohol is on the rocks most of the time.

Neat!

Tom

 

[Tom&Shelly]

What is Buffy's favorite type of Christmas music?

Slaying songs.

Tom

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honey combs.

Tom

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Shelly and I were cracking pecans tonight and I wondered about who would have the will-power to do all that and--instead of eating them right away--bake them in cookies.

Some nut named Sandy, she answered.

Tom

 

[Tom&Shelly]

We just finished our Christmas jigsaw puzzle. I don't want to brag, but we did it in five days, and the box said 6 to 12 years!

Tom

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Did you folks hear the rumor about butter?

Well, I'm not going to spread it!

Tom

 

[Tom&Shelly]

They call them lighthouses, but have you ever tried to lift one?

Tom

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Our high school was nearly on one bank of the Susquehanna River, and the football field was literally in the flood plane. We had a lot of rain one Fall and it was a terrible season, with most home games either cancelled or rescheduled to the opposing teams' fields. But then we had a cold snap and the coach bought the players ice skates and hockey sticks. That was a game changer!

Tom

 

[Tom&Shelly]

How do snowmen know what the weather will be like?

They look it up on the Winternet.

Tom

 

[Tom&Shelly]

This morning Shelly asked me to think of a seven letter word that's made up of only four letters. It's driving me bananas!

Tom

 

[rjgimp]

I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can tell when they are standing, too.

 

[DJ Davis]

I've been reading a book about anti-gravity...I can't put it down!

 

[DJ Davis]

No matter how far you push the envelope, it remains stationary.

 

[DJ Davis]

What is a cat's favorite color? Purrrrple.

 

[DJ Davis]

Never blame someone else for the road you're on. That's your own asphalt.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Did you hear about the guy who tried to see which router was more powerful, his Netgear N300 300 Mbps, or his Bosch 2 1/4 HP?

There were bits flying everywhere!

Tom

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Self defense tip: If you're ever attacked by circus clowns, go for the juggler.

Tom

 

[rjgimp]

If you let someone shenan, they will certainly shenanigan.