Dad Jokes

[DJ Davis]

Geology rocks, but geography is where it's at!

 

[Tom&Shelly]

The weather bureau just issued a severe dust storm warning for our area. But I looked out the window and I didn't see anything.

Tom

 

[Tom&Shelly]

The Institute of Unfinished Research has just concluded that 6 out of 10 people.

Tom

 

[rjgimp]

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is... ironic.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

A fisherman goes out on the ice and begins cutting a hole with his ice saw. Suddenly he hears a voice from above:

THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.

Shaken, but undeterred, he moves over ten feet and begins cutting. Again he hears:

THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!

Once again, he moves over ten feet and begins cutting. Once again he hears:

THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!

Trembling, he asks, "Are you God?"

"NO," the voice answers, "I AM THE ICE RINK MANAGER."

Tom

 

[rjgimp]

Why did the man decide to buy nine rackets?
Because tennis too many.

 

[DJ Davis]

Interesting fact: 10 + 10 = 20, but 11 + 11 = 20, too!

 

[rjgimp]

Carpe diem = Seize the day.
Imodium = Don't sneeze today.

 

[DJ Davis]

Here's an interesting new book. "How Moisture Affects Electronics," by Hugh Miid, I.T.

 

[DJ Davis]

Why did the man decide to buy nine rackets?
Because tennis too many.

Did you hear about the new quiet version of tennis? It's played without the racket.

 

[rjgimp]

Two scientists walk into a bar. “I’ll have H2O,” says the first. The other says, “I’ll have H2O, too.”
The second one dies.

 

[DJ Davis]

I like to buy my guns from a local guy named "T-Rex." He's a small arms dealer.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Did you hear about the furniture maker who denies cheating on his wife, even though she came down to the shop and caught him with his secretary red handed?

He made the bed, and now he's lying in it!

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

Did you hear about the furniture maker who denies cheating on his wife, even though she came down to the shop and caught him with his secretary red handed?

He made the bed, and now he's lying in it!

Tom

Seems to me there should be a "one night stand" reference in this joke.

 

[DJ Davis]

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a pig? Jurassic Pork.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

A priest specialized in removing evil spirits from homes and public buildings. He became so popular he was performing the ceremony almost every day.

He remained fit, in mind and body, up until the day he died, at the ripe old age of 103. Just shows what daily exorcise can do!

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

Me to my still single friend: Do you know the reason why you won't get married?

Single friend: I can't say I do.

 

[Paintsalot]

I drove by the nudist colony in midwinter. The sign read “we are open but we are clothed”.


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[Paintsalot]

At a tent revival the preacher said “whoever sings the loudest on the next hymn gets to pick the next three hymns.” So in the next song, a woman with a big freckly nose, teeth missing and a hairy chin just belted out her song. The preacher said to her “ma’am you really were the loudest you can pick the next three hymns.” She stood up, looked around and said “I’ll take him and him and him.”


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[DJ Davis]

A virus is making everyone forget 80s rock bands. Nobody knows The Cure.