Dad Jokes

[Tom&Shelly]

A virus is making everyone forget 80s rock bands. Nobody knows The Cure.

Sounds like it leaves one in Dire Straits! U2 can recover, but it's a Journey!

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

A virus is making everyone forget 80s rock bands. Nobody knows The Cure.

Sounds like it leaves one in Dire Straits! U2 can recover, but it's a Journey!

Tom

A-ha! But let's not Rush to conclusions. One must get to the Heart of the matter. Is this virus more contagious in a Crowded House...? Simple Minds may get obsessed with the implications of Megadeth, but we need Blind Faith. If we can't contact Dr. John, there must be experts from Boston, Chicago, or even Asia and Europe that can be consulted. We should put on our Foghat, hop in our Cars, REO Speedwagons, or Starships and travel as far as we can, stopping at The Motels as needed, until we reach Nirvana. I mean, this is War! We can't be The Babys. We must brave The Storm, forge through Earth, Wind, and Fire until we Triumph. Even if we're a Motley Crue, I feel we can make this a Cinderella story and find some Cheap Trick to turn Poison into Wild Cherry on Bread.

America! Remember it was said, "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." Yes, you may feel like a Foreigner but just put on some Bangles and blend in with The Beach Boys. In my opinion, this is no different than Styx and 'Stones. So...C'mon Red Rider! Load up yer 38 Special and I'll see you in Nazareth!

Pardon my Bad English, but Abba good night.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

I'm on jury duty today sitting in court laughing like 10,000 Maniacs!

Tom

 

[pchast]

Wow!!!!!

 

[rjgimp]

What is a word beginning with W that has a little punchline in the middle.

 

[DJ Davis]

Did you know that Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs? It's because they're Inca hoots.

 

[rjgimp]

I showed my kid an old floppy disk. He said, "Wow! You 3D printed the "save" icon! That's so cool!!!"

 

[rjgimp]

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from avian flu. A bird pathologist examined the remains of the crows and, to everyone's relief, confirmed that the problem was definitely not avian flu. The cause of death seemed to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis, it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the birds' beaks and claws. By analyzing the paint residues, it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentage of truck kills verses car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a lookout crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that, while the lookout could shout "Cah! Cah!", not a single one could shout "Truck!"

 

[Tom&Shelly]

I vaguely remember the crows even had their own radio show for awhile. I think it was called "cah talk"

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

When do medieval soldiers sleep? Knight time.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

I woke up really early this morning, but when I looked at the digital clock it said 4 04, so I rolled over and went back to sleep until IT fixed the problem.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

Scientific fact(?): Milk is the fastest liquid on Earth. It's pasteurized before you can even see it.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Juan and Amal are identical twins. Their mother has only one picture in her wallet though. When you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

Friend: I like telling Dad jokes.

Me: Does he laugh?

Friend: What...?

Me: Go home, amateur.

 

[FischAutoTechGarten]

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.

 

[rjgimp]

I have a hen who counts her own eggs.
She is a mathemachicken.

 

[DJ Davis]

Dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan!

 

[DJ Davis]

Somebody ripped out the 5th month from my calendar. I'm dismayed.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Shelly is carefully following events and she tells me she expects to see white smoke soon.

Actually, we aren't Catholic, but it has been unseasonably cold here in New Mexico this week, and she wants me to build a fire in our wood stove!

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

"I was the knight no one expected to see on the battlefield that day."

Sir Prise