Dad Jokes

[DJ Davis]

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A “flat minor”

 

[Tom&Shelly]

"Dead Internet Theory": Theory that most new material on the internet is generated by AI, rather than real people.

"Dad Internet Theory": Theory that most new jokes on the internet are generated by dads, rather than real people.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

Kid: Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?

Father: No, son.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Shelly dragged me to a Christmas concert a few weeks ago, and I'll admit to being mildly disappointed. At my age, my hearing isn't the best, but I swore she said they were going to "play" Taco Bell's cannon.

Tom

P.S.--I mean, imagine the 1812 overture with cannons firing tortillas, lettuce, meat, and hot sauce into the crowd. That would be something!

 

[DJ Davis]

What did the cereal deposit at the bank?

Chex

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Recipe for a SPAM, Pam, and jam sam wich*

Slice two pieces of SPAM; fry with Pam.
Slather pineapple jam between the SPAM.
Apply peanut butter to Hawaiian bread; and between two slices, cram the SPAM (with jam).
Eat while hot and exclaim, "Hot dam! Yay Ma'am! That's a sam!" wich

* Warning--I haven't actually tried this ... yet. Shelly's daring me, so it'll probably happen.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Growing up on a rural farm, my grandfather had never seen modern appliances until moving to the city. He said he liked them, except for the dish washer. He said the spin cycle broke the plates.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

My neighbor was sick that he couldn't his water bill. I sent him a "Get well soon" card.

 

[DJ Davis]

Historians have discovered that cowboys would sometimes hang a lantern on their saddles to see where they were going at night. This is the first known use of saddle light navigation in history.

 

[DJ Davis]

It wouldn't have been Wright if Ford had invented the airplane.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

One night, a few years ago, I just caught a glimpse of a racoon on our porch as it raided the suet out of our bird feeder. Then, the next night, there was a racoon at the screen of our sliding glass door trying to get at the cat food.

Might have been the same racoon, but I can't be sure: in both cases they were wearing masks.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

Why won't French people eat cheetahs, roadrunners, or falcons?

They don't like fast food.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Perspective is everything. To the lobsters in the kitchen of the Titanic, the iceberg was a miracle.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

Where do you take someone who has been severely injured in a peek-a-boo contest?

ICU

 

[Tom&Shelly]

My sensitive toothpaste gets really jealous when I use other toothpaste.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

Why is there Batman shampoo, but no Conditioner Gordon?

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Happy Groundhog's Day everyone!

If Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of Winter. If he doesn't there will only be another month and a half of Winter!

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

I'm tired of people saying, "Bear with me," but never getting a bear.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

The people who say "Bare with me" are the ones you never want to see nekked!

Tom