Dad Jokes

[Tom&Shelly]

Shelly asked if we could watch my mother-in-law's dog while we move her into her new home. Somehow, now we are keeping the dog indefinitely. I think I was tricked!

Anyway, I converted a dis-used outhouse in back of our cabin into a doghouse. Yep, that dog's going to live in my head, rent free!

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

My wife applied for a job at the post office, but they wouldn't letter...she's not mail.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

I want our new dog to take a nap (because I need one) but he wants me to play fetch.

Maybe I should lock him in his cage on the charge of resisting a rest.

Tom

PS--Not really--I couldn't do it!

 

[DJ Davis]

Did you hear about the family of beavers whose house fell in on them? Dam near killed 'em.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

I keep getting spam trying to get me to upgrade to something called "Anderson Windows".

I dunno. I've been running Windows XP for years and it still seems to be doing okay.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

To the people who work at the avocado factory: please start putting a different toy in them. I have more than enough of the little wooden balls.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Out here in the Southwest, many homes combine the living, dining and kitchen areas into one. I'm not sure what it's called, but a room where you can relax and eat at the same time is a pretty Great Room!

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

Here's how to ruin a knock-knock joke:

The initiator: "Knock-knock..."

Me: "It's open!"

 

[Tom&Shelly]

I remember when my Dad went on a business trip back in the 1960's. He brought me back a pair of plastic pilot wings from Pan Am! I was so excited, I wore them everywhere! Everyone thought it was so cute. Now, they just look at me funny.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

A truck transporting Vick's Vapor Rub overturned on the highway near us. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours!

 

[DJ Davis]

Who cares about learning Roman numerals? I for one.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Had a medical appointment this morning. The doctor told me to go over to the window and stick out my tongue. I asked him if he wanted to see it in natural light. He said no, he was mad at the doctor across the street.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

The human tongue doesn't weigh very much, but very few people are able to hold it.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Cars and trucks here in New Mexico are often poorly maintained. I keep running into folks whose brake lights have burned out.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

Why is "dark" spelled with a "k?"

You can't "c" in the dark.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Albuquerque is a rough place. Last week they opened a new children's zoo. Already three kids escaped.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

When I get a headache, I take two Tylenol and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.