Dad Jokes

[Tom&Shelly]

Why does Mickey Mouse have a pet dog named Pluto who walks on all fours and doesn't speak, while another character looks like a dog, but walks on two legs and talks. That's just Goofy!

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

I've heard that the only attached doc Bugs Bunny will accept is a What's App Doc.

 

[gearsoup]

What do you call a fish with a bowtie?
...
...
Sofishticated

 

[DJ Davis]

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game "Monopoly?"

 

[Tom&Shelly]

There are rumors of a new species of hairless bear, due to radiation, around the Chernobyl nuclear power plant. The males are solitary, as with most bears, but the mama bears allegedly have formed their own band. But you've probably already heard of the Naked Bear Ladies.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

Did you hear about the drunken mathematician the police arrested the other day?

Yeah...he was busted for drinking and deriving.

 

[DJ Davis]

As I've gotten more "chronologically enhanced," I've noted that my "strong back and weak mind" have switched attributes.

 

[DJ Davis]

When you're down in the sea
And an eel bites your knee
- That's a moray!

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Here in New Mexico, we have a venomous snake that seems to like to sun itself on cars, right where the window glass meets the hood. Vindow Vipers.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

I heard today that scientists just tested the strongest suction cup ever! I don't know how they pulled it off.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

According to the New York Times, Allen Ginsberg once proposed the American Sentence, a 17-syllable single-line poem, no other rules.

I say:

Seventeen syllables is a stupid rule for single line poems!

Bard Thomas

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Any doggerel hack can string together seventeen syllables.

Bard Thomas

 

[DJ Davis]

Never iron a four-leafed clover.

You don't want to press your luck.

 

[DJ Davis]

A photographer was tragically crushed when a massive block of cheddar fell on him.

In fairness, the people he was photographing tried to warn him.

 

[TD Gnome]

Sage advice from my dad-

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose. But you can’t pick your friends nose.

 

[DJ Davis]

A chimney is expensive! You'd think the cost is nothing, it's on the house. Actually, it's through the roof!

 

[Tom&Shelly]

A geologist on YouTube said that while some magma cools on the Earth's surface, the rest cools and forms rocks underground. I guess I just took that for granite.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

Two cowboys are desperately lost in the desert when one of them shouts "Look! It's a bacon tree...we're saved!" and takes off running toward it. Just as he gets there though, he's shot multiple times.

It was a ham bush.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Assuming Bigfoot is reading this I want to wish him a happy one hundredth birthday!

His Sasquatch-centennial!

Tom

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Shelly used to be a paralegal.

She would jump out of airplanes over the jungle wearing a business suit and amend wills and write powers of attorney for missionaries and others far from civilization.

Tom