Dad Jokes

[DJ Davis]

Why should you stay well hidden from your boss?

Because good employees are hard to find.

 

[DJ Davis]

I asked the Librarian if she had any books about paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you..."

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Just filled out a survey where they asked my race. Told them I don't know, but I'm pretty sure I'm losing!

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

Friend: I just bought a horse.

Me: Are you going to race it?

Friend: No, it can run much faster than me.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Started PT for a backache. As I was doing stretches in our bed, a piece of candy Shelly left on my nightstand started to shout "you can do it!", "great job!", "keep it up!" It was an encourage-mint.

Tom

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Just bought a book on anti-gravity. Can't put it down!

Tom

 

[Tom&Shelly]

A lady came by today looking for donations for a community pool she wants in our neighborhood. So I gave her a glass of water.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

In Athens, no one wakes before noon. Dawn is tough on Greece.

 

[DJ Davis]

Doctor: What's the status of the child that swallowed a handful of coins?

Nurse: No change yet.

 

[halfdome Danny]

 

[Tom&Shelly]

"Should be fine" bearing grease cap version:

(Black rubber glove from 1st aid kit held on by the white rubber band.) Made it on a 4 hour drive home today! What could have possibly gone wrong?

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

"Should be fine" bearing grease cap version:
View attachment 2487346
(Black rubber glove from 1st aid kit held on by the white rubber band.) Made it on a 4 hour drive home today! What could have possibly gone wrong?

Tom

Now THAT's innovative!!! For the situation, it fits like a glove.

 

[Tom&Shelly]

If it didn't fit, we'd've had to quit!

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

My fear of moving stairs is escalating.

 

[DJ Davis]

I knocked over a plant in the kitchen. The cat saw me do it, so I had to spray myself with water to show the law applies to everyone.

 

[DJ Davis]

Apparently, you can't use "Beefstew" as a password. It's not Stroganoff.

 

[DJ Davis]

OK...I think we're all mature enough for something with "Adult Content."

Let me tell you about my chronic lower back pain and heartburn....

 

[Tom&Shelly]

Always at the four-front of culture, some of the plumbers in our town formed a barbershop quartet. They call themselves the Pipe Dopes.

Tom

 

[DJ Davis]

What do you call a flying nun? A bird? A plane?

Nun of the above.

 

[DJ Davis]

I was recently asked who my favorite vampire was. I said, "The muppet from Sesame Street."

They said, "He doesn't count."

I replied, "I assure you, he does!"