Why I like teardroping

[Reddiver]

My summer vacation

Observations from a cruise ship.

1. Just because they put it out there doesn’t mean you have to eat it. As the magic time approached groups of salivating passengers eagerly await the dinner bell. The bell sounds and the migration starts. March of the Penguins down deck 7 to the Dining Room. As they waddle by I recognize many of the little piggys from the buffet line just two hours before.
Yeah I know I am a fat guy but have you ever noticed that the people who go to all you can eat buffets are usually rotund .I will never go to another.

2. Why would a woman do that to her Face.
There was a woman onboard who applied her eyebrows with a felt tip pen and a jelly jar. I am convinced that holding a jelly jar over her eye she traced the out line with a felt tip pen. This resulted in huge black circles way to far on her forehead. I will from now on refer to her as Pencil thin Eyebrows. Now I am sure she is a very nice person and smiled at me when ever I ran across her. When I was asked how I was enjoying the cruise I said I would rather be camping . With this Pencil thin eyebrows remarked how much she enjoyed camping . At that point I ran like a scalded dog.

3. Outburst in the Adagio Lounge.
Outburst is not a game played on the video Girls gone wild. It seems to be a game were middle age women try to out talk one another. More like Jerry Springer than Girls Gone Wild. Alas no bikini clad lovelies in this game.

4.Exciting Crafts classes
Why do they call exciting crafts classes the Self Enhancement Series. Is making Glacier Luggage tags (so your luggage stands out) out of felt and buttons truly such an enhancing enlightening experience. Later in the cruise I saw a class on napkin folding. This was napkin folding class b . I couldn’t attend because I didn’t have the prerequisite . One of the real disappointments of my life.
Ceramics at sea now there is a catchy title. You buy a 98 cent piece of bisque for thirty dollars paint it and they will fire it for you . You can then take it home and put it in some drawer along with the hand print of your 5year old.

5.What the hell is Bridge anyway . Do people still play that game. Not a single cribbage board in the game room.

6. Why does the waiter think he has to say excellent choice.
In the dining room after picking from the menu a salad , soup main course The waiter always says excellent choice as if he gives a sh**. I’ll have the Kim Chee appetizer with macaroni salad raw liver and a chocolate malt. Oh excellent choice . Bull sh**.

7.Never give a sucker an even break.
Princess cruises assaults you with deals to good to pass up. Passengers buy out of pure boredom . They are always trying to sell you something be it jewelry or books or photographs of you and some Loving stuffed moose standing in in the rain as you get off the ship. When you first get on board they get you 40 bucks for all the soft drinks you want during the cruise. Show them your card and they give you Coke .Except for at the bar that is just down the hall from my room.

8.Golf .
Golf a game played outdoors . Not putting at plastic disks on deck 5 . The amazing thing is they have people standing in line to do this. Again after awhile anything is entertaining.

9.What in Gods Name is the attraction of putting on a Tuxedo just to eat dinner. The same Penguins dressed in their Penguin suits waddle down to the mess decks and eat. I swear you could watch the asses of many grow as the ten days moved on. They even rent Tuxes on board. If you have to rent a Tux what the Love is the point who you trying to kid. Do you believe that the other passengers think you dine like that at home. Come on we know you eat off a TV tray watching the news in your tightey whiteys. The only thing that keeps crumbs from reaching the floor is that they get caught in the hair on your naked chest.

10.Dancing.
The first night they had singles night in the Stage Door lounge . “ Come and meet other singles” . I pass through the lounge. There are two guys passed out in the corner and there she is Pencil Thin Eyebrows . I am the Love out here.
One night they had the 70’s dance. I thought they meant the decade I didn’t know it was the minimum age of the attendees.

I apologize to those who I traveled with I was not much company . I would rather eat a cold can of beans in front of a campfire then Prime rib in some fancy dinning room.
In the words of Robert Service
“There’s a race of men that don’t fit in

[sagebrush]

So............... Going again next year?

[Reddiver]

I see that I have been censored thats cool . Please note I have never said Loving Moose in my entire life... but I understand

[Oldragbaggers]

We had a similar experience on Carnival and enjoyed it just about as much. My husband says he wouldn't trade one day of camping for a whole week on a cruise ship, and this from a man who loves the water above all else.

[cherokeegeorge]

Well written, and funny. I've been on 2 cruizes, your right on the money, I now stick with camping.

[PKCSPT]

That has always been my vision of what a cruise would be like to me, a lot of money and too many people.
Maybe if they would let me bring my tear and have a campfire?

[deleted]

I've never been on a cruise. Now I'm certain I don't want to, ever. I probably enjoyed reading your synopsis more than you did the cruise itself. Sorry for that but thanks for the very amusing editorial.

[working on it]

From what I've heard and read about some of these cruise liners lately, it might behoove one to bring their camping gear along. Coleman lanterns for lighting after electrical failure, and porta-potties for you know what when the systems fail. I hear that the cruise lines furnish the (camp)fires for you, either in the kitchen or the engine room, so that isn't needed.

[wagondude]

Nice story. Too bad we will be going on a short cruise to Alaska next spring (Princess no less). I will make due the best I can. I already know not to drink alcohol on the ship.

[citylights]

oMG! You did it wrong! You described the exact wrong way to go cruise. Although, I admit most people do it that way.

I have been on a few and enjoyed them.

Rule no 1: don't ever, never, NEVER, spend any money on board ship. It is "all inclusive", that means you paid to get on and they don't get any extra $$$ for drinks, gambling, or on ship stores. It is a good thing every one else falls for this trap, because YOU get to travel inexpensive with them buying all the optional extras.

Rule no 2: Book a cruise that is in port every single day. Ok, I know most week long trips have at least one day at sea. Don't book one that has any more than that. And those cheesy cruise line made "throw your $$$ here" islands don't count!

Rule no. 3: Get up early every day. Walk the open air deck for exercise while it is cool. You would be surprised to find yourself with the deck all to yourself. Then watch the ship come to shore while eating a light breakfast. Get off the ship as soon as possible when it hits land. Laugh at all the hung over fools just stumbling out of bed as you are heading for shore!

Rule no. 4: Explore every port. Take a tour, walk the town, beach, museum, ruins, fort, farm, eco-nature-thrill, hell even explore the shops if you must. If you are going to spend any money, this is where you do it.

Rule no. 5: Don't come back to the ship until it is blowing last call to board!

Rule no 6: Back on the ship, likely you are hot and tired from an eventful day. Shower and change for an early dinner. Did, I mention sight up for early dinner call (5 or 6pm, whatever time they do earliest.)

Rule no 7: If you have the energy after dinner, hit the spa while everyone else goes to late dinner, or go to an early ship show. If not, then set the alarm and hit the bed.

Rule no 8: Repeat 1 - 7 at every new port.

Cruising is all about the ports, a new sight to see every day!

The ship is only there as transportation, some chow, and a safe clean bed!

Oh, and for that one day at sea that it is impossible to avoid, bring some cards and a good book. If all else fails, stay in bed all day. If you did 1-7 right, then you probably need the extra sleep. If you didn't, then stay in bed anyway and keep your partner entertained.

Did I mention I live in Las Vegas? Those ships can't hold a candle to the shows, buffets, or night life that I avoid every day, 24 hours a day, at home. What they do have is a new sight, a new port, to see every day.

[halfdome, Danny]

Very funny and sounds something like I would have imagined.
We have friends that try to convince us to go on a cruise, are you out of your mind?
Never been, never had the desire, to float on water in a huge hotel with a bunch of strangers picking up all their sickness or get stranded at sea.
We'll stick to teardropping, it suits us just fine.
Thanks for the post, Danny

[ssrjim]

oMG! You did it wrong! You described the exact wrong way to go cruise. Although, I admit most people do it that way.

I have been on a few and enjoyed them.

Rule no 1: don't ever, never, NEVER, spend any money on board ship. It is "all inclusive", that means you paid to get on and they don't get any extra $$$ for drinks, gambling, or on ship stores. It is a good thing every one else falls for this trap, because YOU get to travel inexpensive with them buying all the optional extras.

Rule no 2: Book a cruise that is in port every single day. Ok, I know most week long trips have at least one day at sea. Don't book one that has any more than that. And those cheesy cruise line made "throw your $$$ here" islands don't count!

Rule no. 3: Get up early every day. Walk the open air deck for exercise while it is cool. You would be surprised to find yourself with the deck all to yourself. Then watch the ship come to shore while eating a light breakfast. Get off the ship as soon as possible when it hits land. Laugh at all the hung over fools just stumbling out of bed as you are heading for shore!

Rule no. 4: Explore every port. Take a tour, walk the town, beach, museum, ruins, fort, farm, eco-nature-thrill, hell even explore the shops if you must. If you are going to spend any money, this is where you do it.

Rule no. 5: Don't come back to the ship until it is blowing last call to board!

Rule no 6: Back on the ship, likely you are hot and tired from an eventful day. Shower and change for an early dinner. Did, I mention sight up for early dinner call (5 or 6pm, whatever time they do earliest.)

Rule no 7: If you have the energy after dinner, hit the spa while everyone else goes to late dinner, or go to an early ship show. If not, then set the alarm and hit the bed.

Rule no 8: Repeat 1 - 7 at every new port.

Cruising is all about the ports, a new sight to see every day!

The ship is only there as transportation, some chow, and a safe clean bed!

Oh, and for that one day at sea that it is impossible to avoid, bring some cards and a good book. If all else fails, stay in bed all day. If you did 1-7 right, then you probably need the extra sleep. If you didn't, then stay in bed anyway and keep your partner entertained.

Did I mention I live in Las Vegas? Those ships can't hold a candle to the shows, buffets, or night life that I avoid every day, 24 hours a day, at home. What they do have is a new sight, a new port, to see every day.

Rule 1 I do that. I always walk past the photographers and refuse when they come to the table. I always book the cheapest inside room and use the room only for sleeping, and personal grooming. I'd rather hang outside on deck or if too windy or cold in front of a window.

Rule 2 Always

Rule 3 Yes and the gym is open too. Oh and I have taken 7 cruises and have never been on the elevator. It is great Exercise.

Rule 4 I don't spend in town either. I do tip the guides when they do a nice job.

Rule 5 not willing to push it that close

Rule 6 Yes

Rule 7 I always do the shows, they are paid for so why not and I don't live in Vegas. I'll go find the folk singer after the show and request some tunes. Can't do the spa due to rule 1.

Book or cards, no way there are so many free things to do when at sea. Just check they daily news letter.

[citylights]

No elevator? I like it!

Rule 7 I always do the shows, they are paid for so why not and I don't live in Vegas. I'll go find the folk singer after the show and request some tunes. Can't do the spa due to rule 1.

Spa, worl-pool, jacuzzi, right beside the pools. Good for sore muscles from walking all day. Helps you relax and sleep. No extra ship payment required.

[ssrjim]

No elevator? I like it!

Rule 7 I always do the shows, they are paid for so why not and I don't live in Vegas. I'll go find the folk singer after the show and request some tunes. Can't do the spa due to rule 1.

Spa, worl-pool, jacuzzi, right beside the pools. Good for sore muscles from walking all day. Helps you relax and sleep. No extra ship payment required.

When you say spa I think hot rocks and massages. I do spend some time in the hot tub. Just need a little red bull to pull into the controls:)

[jstrubberg]

I've been on a couple cruises, and usually had a good time.

First rule for me is that any cruise that tells me when to eat is out. I refuse to be a part of the "lemming line".

Second is that I will pay extra for a balcony room. I paid a LOT extra for a forward stateroom cruising southern Alaska, and I'm glad I did. The day we spent in Glacier Bay National Park on the balcony with hot coffee and blankets four steps away made the whole trip worthwhile. We watched the Marjorie glacier calve from a few hundred yards away. Fantastic!

Third is that I will pay extra for a room that includes priority embark/disembark. Again, I have no urge to stand in lien for three hours to get on or of the boat.

Fourth, yes, port stops every day (or as close as you can get). I can stay at home and be bored.


BTW, if you haven't done the inside passage cruise to Alaska, I highly recommend it. Go check out Taku Lodge outside Juneau, Glacier Bay and Victoria, BC.


No way I would pass up camping to cruise. They are two completely different vacations.