Dad Jokes

[DJ Davis]

Some strange animal has been going around eating the rocks hikers pile up to indicate trails!

All we know so far is that it is cairn-ivorous.

Tom

Oh, THAT one ROCKS!!!

[Tom&Shelly]

This Summer we're planning to stay in some campgrounds that have coin operated showers, so I went through our change and grabbed all the quarters. I had to separate them by state as New Mexico quarters sometimes jam the machines.

They're two dimes and a nickel taped together.

Tom

[Tom&Shelly]

A fellow named Daniel A. Michelson left a large sum to a state university as long as it was named after him. Naturally, the school took the money.

It's quite a university and their medical school, thanks to Dan's money, is top notch. In fact, they're known for saving people who were so far down the road to their final reward they had been declared dead by lesser hospitals. Of course, the funeral homes in the state are well aware of the fact, and have almost made it a practice to bring questionable work in for a check up, before the official "check out", if you will.

Unfortunately, being a state institution, the paperwork involved is more than prodigious, while the bed-side manner of some of the staff is somewhat less so. The state has a questionaire for each "save", and it's been known to happen that some poor soul has come out of a coma, naturally confused, to ask "where the heck am I" (or words to that effect), only to have the person standing over them with a clip board reply:

"D.A.M. U", and "the hearse you rode in on?"

Tom

[DJ Davis]

rjgimp admitted he gets his jokes from different sources. In recognition of his honesty, and the lack of ours(?):

"People say I'm a plagiarist. Their words, not mine."

[rjgimp]

I found a book entitled: How To Solve 50% Of Your Problems.

I bought two copies.

[Tom&Shelly]

It's not a Dad Bod

It's a Father Figure.

Tom

[DJ Davis]

My wife claimed that I'm addicted to camping. I admitted she's right and I've made some good progress controlling it, but I'm not out of the woods yet.

[rjgimp]

The skies looked threatening so I asked Siri...

"Siri, surely it isn't going to rain today?"

She said yes it is and don't call me Shirley.

At that moment i realized I had left my phone in Airplane Mode.

[DJ Davis]

One of my biggest fears is a killer saying something really funny when I'm playing dead.

[rjgimp]

I yelled "COW!" at a woman riding a bicycle and she gave me the finger... then promptly ran right into the cow I was warning her about.

I tried.

[Tom&Shelly]

In my relatively old age, I sit back and ponder the folks I knew, and the people lost along the way.

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't the best career choice...

Tom

[TravelJunkie99]

Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

[Tom&Shelly]

An uncle of mine was a hardrock miner for many years. He tried to retire once, but times were tough and he ran out of money. So he's back adit.

Tom

[rjgimp]

Some strange animal has been going around eating the rocks hikers pile up to indicate trails!

All we know so far is that it is cairn-ivorous.

Tom

Oh, THAT one ROCKS!!!

Don't take good jokes like that for granite...

[rjgimp]

Kid:"I feel like you're always just making up random rules and stuff."

Dad:"Like what...?"

Kid:"Like if I don't clean my room a portal will open up and take me to another dimension."

Dad:"Well, that IS what happened to your older brother..."

Kid:"Wait... what older brother?"

Dad:"See what I mean?"