Dad Jokes

Things that don't fit anywhere else...

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby DJ Davis » Sat Jun 08, 2024 5:04 pm

Tom&Shelly wrote:Some strange animal has been going around eating the rocks hikers pile up to indicate trails!

All we know so far is that it is cairn-ivorous.

Tom

Oh, THAT one ROCKS!!!
DJ

They say "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I've noted that if it doesn't kill you, it waits patiently for another opportunity.
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tom&Shelly » Sun Jun 09, 2024 4:16 pm

This Summer we're planning to stay in some campgrounds that have coin operated showers, so I went through our change and grabbed all the quarters. I had to separate them by state as New Mexico quarters sometimes jam the machines.

They're two dimes and a nickel taped together.

Tom
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tom&Shelly » Fri Jun 14, 2024 6:49 pm

A fellow named Daniel A. Michelson left a large sum to a state university as long as it was named after him. Naturally, the school took the money.

It's quite a university and their medical school, thanks to Dan's money, is top notch. In fact, they're known for saving people who were so far down the road to their final reward they had been declared dead by lesser hospitals. Of course, the funeral homes in the state are well aware of the fact, and have almost made it a practice to bring questionable work in for a check up, before the official "check out", if you will.

Unfortunately, being a state institution, the paperwork involved is more than prodigious, while the bed-side manner of some of the staff is somewhat less so. The state has a questionaire for each "save", and it's been known to happen that some poor soul has come out of a coma, naturally confused, to ask "where the heck am I" (or words to that effect), only to have the person standing over them with a clip board reply:

"D.A.M. U", and "the hearse you rode in on?"

Tom
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby DJ Davis » Mon Jun 17, 2024 10:33 am

rjgimp admitted he gets his jokes from different sources. In recognition of his honesty, and the lack of ours(?):

"People say I'm a plagiarist. Their words, not mine."
DJ

They say "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I've noted that if it doesn't kill you, it waits patiently for another opportunity.
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby rjgimp » Mon Jun 17, 2024 10:55 pm

I found a book entitled: How To Solve 50% Of Your Problems.

I bought two copies.
-Rob


I hope to make it to a Procrastinators Anonymous meeting someday...
just as soon as the steering committee gets around to scheduling one!
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tom&Shelly » Sun Jun 23, 2024 10:02 am

It's not a Dad Bod

It's a Father Figure.

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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby DJ Davis » Sun Jun 23, 2024 12:17 pm

My wife claimed that I'm addicted to camping. I admitted she's right and I've made some good progress controlling it, but I'm not out of the woods yet.
DJ

They say "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I've noted that if it doesn't kill you, it waits patiently for another opportunity.
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby rjgimp » Wed Jun 26, 2024 11:27 pm

The skies looked threatening so I asked Siri...

"Siri, surely it isn't going to rain today?"

She said yes it is and don't call me Shirley.

At that moment i realized I had left my phone in Airplane Mode.
-Rob


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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby DJ Davis » Thu Jun 27, 2024 12:00 pm

One of my biggest fears is a killer saying something really funny when I'm playing dead.
DJ

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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby rjgimp » Fri Jun 28, 2024 9:00 pm

I yelled "COW!" at a woman riding a bicycle and she gave me the finger... then promptly ran right into the cow I was warning her about.

I tried. :shrug:
-Rob


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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tom&Shelly » Mon Jul 01, 2024 1:16 pm

In my relatively old age, I sit back and ponder the folks I knew, and the people lost along the way.

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't the best career choice...

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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby TravelJunkie99 » Wed Jul 03, 2024 8:05 pm

Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon?

Because he was outstanding in his field! :D
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Tom&Shelly » Fri Jul 05, 2024 2:46 pm

An uncle of mine was a hardrock miner for many years. He tried to retire once, but times were tough and he ran out of money. So he's back adit.

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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby rjgimp » Sun Jul 07, 2024 12:22 am

DJ Davis wrote:
Tom&Shelly wrote:Some strange animal has been going around eating the rocks hikers pile up to indicate trails!

All we know so far is that it is cairn-ivorous.

Tom

Oh, THAT one ROCKS!!!


Don't take good jokes like that for granite...
-Rob


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just as soon as the steering committee gets around to scheduling one!
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Re: Dad Jokes

Postby rjgimp » Sun Jul 07, 2024 12:29 am

Kid:"I feel like you're always just making up random rules and stuff."

Dad:"Like what...?"

Kid:"Like if I don't clean my room a portal will open up and take me to another dimension."

Dad:"Well, that IS what happened to your older brother..."

Kid:"Wait... what older brother?"

Dad:"See what I mean?"
-Rob


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