by Redgloves » Thu Jan 01, 2015 5:16 pm
Karen,
There are many points to consider before moving mom into your home.
As you have been on the journey of becoming an adult caretaker of an adult, the roles are reversed. You become the parent to an elder. A major psychological shift for both of you.
1-Do you have support from your spouse, kids, and siblings?
Without family support, you will be the primary caretaker responsible 24/7/365.
2-Who is the power of attorney/medical decisions/bill payer?
There are 3 scenario to consider based upon your mothers condition.
1-Is the issue primarily memory
2-Is the issue memory and physical limitations
3-Physical limitations with intact memory.
Of the 3 situations, the physical limitations with intact memory is the easiest because she can participate in conversations and express her needs.
If the primary issue is memory with no physical limitations then you will be taking on a huge physical and emotional journey. We all know that sleep cycles are disrupted when dementia conditions begin. Personalities change when the sun sets, nice dear old mom can become very mean, angry, and combative, and physically stronger due to adrenalin. Somebody may become injured. You may benefit from training how to protect yourself and your mother from harm.
Last I knew you worked nights, who will be the caretaker while you are working and trying to sleep during the day?
What modifications are needed to your home?
Bathroom: Small space with huge impact on a persons daily physical needs
Is the bathroom handicapped accessible? Comfort height toilet seat and grab bars? What about bathing? Tub/shower, stand alone shower meant for one person. If she needs physical assistance bathing, how will this be accomplished?
Steps into house? Can she physically manage the steps into house, what about a ramp?
Door width?
Stairways-will you need to block access
Kitchen: ranges are dangerous, what can you do to protect her from cooking in the middle of the night?
Cars, where are you keeping automobile keys?
Bedroom: If your mother sleeps all night, then no issues. If she sleeps four hours or less, how are you going to get adequate sleep. While the following advice may appear to be considered by some as abusive, you may have to consider locking her in her bedroom at night for safety reasons. Yes, I have friends who have had to lock their loved one in at night to prevent them from roaming at night.........
While you are working who is going to take care of Mom? You will be called at work with Mom issues, employer tolerance will wear out. If her memory is slipping fast, plan on not working....will make your life much easier taking care of her full time.
Who can you count on so you can take breaks, go grocery shopping, out with friends, etc? Respite care is important for you to take care of yourself and your family.
Your mother is becoming a vulnerable adult, the county and state rules affecting vulnerable adults can be a bureaucratic nightmare to navigate. Caretakers walk a fine line of protecting the vulnerable adult and keeping your sanity.
There are many success stories that are positive and rewarding and the complete opposite. No one can predict the outcome until the journey is complete.
Good luck
Jean
Geocacher, healthcare provider, mom and women with not enough common sense regarding personal safety when it comes to adventure outings!
Owner:
Uff Da Inn, a 2015 Camp Inn 560