Your worst or funniest Christmas present/story

[Ira]

Scott--Argentina is the great beef place. Maybe Venezuela takes the hides to make the leather products? Don't know, but it's a given that when it comes to great shoes, Venezuela is up there.

Also remember that a lot of Italians, great shoemakers as they are, settled in Venezuela way back when. (And Venezuela actually means, kind of, "Little Venice.")

That meat takes some getting used to, though. You can have it in one place and love it, and in another place, bleech. (A lot of Venezuela's meat comes from Argentina; Argentina has the better geography for cattle grazing.) I don't know if this taste difference has to do with the hormones they use here in the states, how they're fed, the different breeds, etc., but...

Give me good old USDA every time. I've been to Venezuela like 20 times, and I prefer U.S. beef hands down.

[asianflava]

Dean you had me nervous for a second. I thought you were gonna mount that mirror on the ceiling of something. That wouldn't be a bad gag but for your sister, that would just be sick.

[madjack]

my mother(God bless her) always gives me rather strange gifts..one year I openned my present to find a tape strapper...you know the thing that the post office, UPS, FedEx, etc uses to stap boxes shut...I had a good laugh but found that I actually use the thing pretty often...the best ever joke gift was when I moved to the Colorado Rockies...9000ft elevation at the western entrance to the Rocky Mtn. National Park and the folks I was working for gave me a "male" sweater at the co. christmas party...ya know, one of those knit thingys that have a place for your private parts...they said they didn't want me to freeze my ba!!$ off my first winter up there
madjack

[anonymous2]

Hi All,

Well let me start by saying I have been married for 30 years now. Every year my wife asks me what I want. My standard answer was , a hot leggy blonde,and a Porsche 911 S-4 cabrolet. She always says yeah right. One year she got me a Malibu Barbie,and a model Porsche. OK ,I said the blonde must be breathing,and warm and the Porsche must have headlights that light,a horn that blows,and engine I can hear, seats that move,and a top that goes up & down. DAM,didn't she find another model Porsche that had all that and more. Now I add my big butt must sit in the drivers seat,and it must drip oil in my driveway. Let's see her find that one! No luck on the leggy blonde yet,but she will point one out in the mall when shopping,and say there is your Christmas blonde,look ,but don't touch! BTW I got my Christmas present already for this year. A stretch lowrider cruiser bike. The neighborhood kids,are jealous as all get out,and you should see the looks I get when riding to work. Maybe riding the stretch will get me a hot blonde? LOL

Merry Christmas pateardropper

[asianflava]

Next year she'll give you a Golden Retriever!

[cracker39]

This isn't much of a story, but it was a hit with the family. My wife has always had her family at her place for Christmas Eve present opening (Before we married in 2000, she was widowed for 20 years). So, we still do that now. Two Christmas' ago, I bought a blue vase to go with her other gifts just because she likes blue. But the problem was, that she found out that I got it at "Big Lots", a discount "surplus" store, and was ticked off that I'd buy her a gift at a cheap place like Big Lots. Besides, she thought it was really ugly (it later was donated to a thrift store).

Well, last Christmas, I went to Big Lots and bought a $3 miniature ceramic chair because she collects tiny chairs. But, I wasn't looking for a chair in particular. I just wanted to buy the UGLIEST thing I could find as a joke, and that chair was it. It was a monstrosity in gold gilt, looking like a 14th centry throne.

Everyone was in on the joke except for her. When she finally opened it, there as a long pause and she finally said "How Pretty". That took some tact, believe me. Then I told her that she really knew how to spoil a joke and everyone laughed. The look on her face when she realized that everyone knew and agreed how ugly that chair was, and she had to pretend to like it, was priceless. And, I had the video camera on her the whole time. So, a tradition was started...I plan on visiting Big Lots every Christmas for the "Different" Gift for Sharon.

[rooster]

As always Christmas dinner was held at mother and dads home, where my two brothers, our wives and teenage kids always get together for a fine meal. The adults were at one table and the teens at another. Before the meal my dad would say grace over the meal. We all bowed our heads and at that moment, my mother drops her napkin and as she bends over to retrieve it, guess what? Right, she passes gas real loud amd everyone breaks out laughing. We were laughing so hard, tears ran down our cheaks. With a stern look from our father we tried to stop. "Boys, out in the garage now!" With tjat the three of went out to the garage. After the door closed my father broke out in a hardy laught of his own, and we started laughing all over again. "Don't you ever tell your mother I laughed at her delema." As we entered the kitchen all the girls were laughing still, my wife told me that, "Mother doesn't see what was so funny." Grace was never said over that meal.

Jim,

[doug hodder]

As a kid...ever think you were going to get something that you really wanted and it didn't turn out right???? 1962....they came out with HO road racing sets...wanted one so bad I'd wet my pants....I checked out the Sears catalog for months in advance....they even had the dimensions and weight of the boxes back then....It appeared under the tree....had the dimensions...right weight....right rattle...I'm all set....Imagine my surprise when I opened that one and it was a Mouse Trap Game..I could'a crapped....."what are they thinking....it's not like I was secret in this thing?"....I was stupified...sat there and stared in amazement...everyone thought I was really excited, sometimes extreme shock appears as excitement....never played that one....but I did learn a lesson....went out mowed lawns, shoveled snow, collected scrap copper and pop bottles...financed my own HO set....my version of the Red Ryder BB gun...not exactly a story with the meaning of Christmas...but then I was a stupid kid...Doug

[stjohn]

Doug you reminded me of one 1976 I was 12 wanted a pair of KOSS head phones I was really into music at that age . and the box showed up under the tree fr0m my stepfather (really a great guy who stepped up to the plate) ..................just could not resist very carefully opened one end of the box I was shoked he had bought me the really nice pair much nicer than I had asked for.I carefully retaped the box (you had to look real close to tell ),back under the tree it went.Ironicaly the next day dec.22 I was hit by a car spent 9 days in the hospital but thats another story. X_mas mornig in a hospital bed a anxiously waited for someone to hand me the package ..they waited till last I ripped it open in the box was a little naked baby doll wrote on the belly read"MERRY X-MAS NOISEY"he told me he returned them I was heart broken when I finally got home Dec31 they were laying on the table but we lived in a two story house my stereo was upstairs I could not climb the stairs for 3 more weeks patience is truely a verture


Mikel

[doug hodder]

Guess we both learned a lesson huh? Doug....Kiss on Koss?

[stjohn]

I went to sleep with them on most every nite for the next 4 years Finally got a car And then it was 16 band equalizers and 6x9 Jensen tri-axils I bet you remember them also



Mikel

[doug hodder]

Hey guy....I was jacking around with an 8 track with a 12 volt adapter in a 51 chev. suburban...had a old tube type radio turned upside down and fit into the dash for the local sounds AM only...shag carpeting on the roof...old buckets out of a Mopar....fine sound.?...outta the question....needed something to cover up all the rattling....never got the 8 track to work with a damn...old Craig unit....half way through a song...kerklunk....nother track..should post the photo...17 yr old...thought I knew everything, and thought I had the coolest wheels around...and for Anch. Ak...who knows...1970, maybe I did.....Doug

[stjohn]

my ride was not any better a old chevy el'cameno
NUt do you remember the country song came out about that went "the wipers don't work the horn doesn't blow but there aint nothin wrong with the radio"

[Laredo]

That song made Aaron Tippin's career take off.

Ain't nothin' wrong with the radio pretty well described a lot of vehicles from high school/ Air Force / college days, as I recall.

I used to hate my slant-six three-on-the-tree Dusters for a living ...
but nowadays I think about the first one, copper metallic paint and a real live (aftermarket) stereo, and I'd like to have that one back ...

[cracker39]

Doug also reminded me of another Christmas story. It was 1948 or 49 (I was 9 or 10). I wanted a double cap gun and holster set I saw in Woolworths 5 and 10. (Playing with guns wasn't politically incorrect back then...all kids did) This set was so nice. The holster and belt was tanned leather and the cap guns silver with black grips and was expensive. I think it cost $2.98. Well, on Christmas morning, my Grandma gave me a gun and holster set, but it was awful. Even as a young kid, I had taste. This set had a gold colored gun (now, what movie cowboy ever had a gold gun, I ask you?). The belt and holster were leather, but thin and cheap looking.

I don't know if it was a subconscious desire to get rid of it or not, but later that day, the family went somewhere, and I guess I left the gun set on the front porch. When we got home, no gun set....stolen I suppose. We didn't have a lot of money, so I didn't get a replacement. So, I made up my mind to get the set I wanted from Woolworths myself. I saved my allowance (I think a quarter a week), did odd jobs for dimes and nickels, took soda bottles to the grocery store for the deposits. Several times a week, on the way home from school, I'd stop in Woolworths to just look at it on display. When I finally saved up enough money, I literally ran to Woolworths (it was only 4 blocks from our house) only to find that they had sold the last set and were not getting any more. I was heartbroken. I don't know if I learned any lessons from that experience or not, but, today, if I see something I really want, I get it while I can.