Humor of the Day

[halfdome, Danny]

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left
side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine
travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size
as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a
helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and
the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous
situation?

















Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk.


Danny

[mincey]

The Mortgage

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be danged if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike."

[cracker39]

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband,

"I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."


He never heard the shot....

[Nytewyng]

Hey ever wonder why so many Italians are named Tony?

When they coming over on the boat , they didnt want them to get Lost some they hung a sign around their necks that said To N.Y.

[tonyj]

Hey ever wonder why so many Italians are named Tony?

When they coming over on the boat , they didnt want them to get Lost some they hung a sign around their necks that said To N.Y.

Hey, I resemble that remark! But I always wondered where my name came from.

[madjack]

Hey ever wonder why so many Italians are named Tony?

When they coming over on the boat , they didnt want them to get Lost some they hung a sign around their necks that said To N.Y.

Hey, I resemble that remark! But I always wondered where my name came from.

...man, going to NY and ending up in Corpus....now that is a heck of a left turn .....................

[Steve E]

Still remember the time myself and a girlfriend were towing a U_Haul Trailer from Tennessee to California going home! I pulled into a gas station to get gas and when the attendant came to help us in the course of conversation I asked him if he'd mind checking my hitch....His reply was "Your Hitch looks just fine to Me" My friend just howled on that one....I did it so innocently too! Patty

[sdtripper2]

Facts now brought to light explains much~:)



Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claim an
unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep and
cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up
by the US Air Force and the federal government.

However, you may well NOT know the rest of the story.
In the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after
that historic day, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.; Hillary Rodham;
John F. Kerry; William Jefferson Clinton; Howard Dean;
Nancy Pelosi; Dianne Feinstein; Charles E. Schumer; and
Barbara Boxer were born.

That piece of information has now cleared up a lot of things.

[mikeschn]

However, you may well NOT know the rest of the story.
In the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after
that historic day, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.; Hillary Rodham;
John F. Kerry; William Jefferson Clinton; Howard Dean;
Nancy Pelosi; Dianne Feinstein; Charles E. Schumer; and
Barbara Boxer were born.

That piece of information has now cleared up a lot of things.

Say no more Steve, you have way too much information...

Mike...

[Miriam C.]

:) Facts now brought to light explains much~:)



Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claim an
unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep and
cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up
by the US Air Force and the federal government.

However, you may well NOT know the rest of the story.
In the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after
that historic day, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.; Hillary Rodham;
John F. Kerry; William Jefferson Clinton; Howard Dean;
Nancy Pelosi; Dianne Feinstein; Charles E. Schumer; and
Barbara Boxer were born.

That piece of information has now cleared up a lot of things.

Oh Dear.

[halfdome, Danny]

:) Facts now brought to light explains much~:)



Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claim an
unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep and
cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up
by the US Air Force and the federal government.

However, you may well NOT know the rest of the story.
In the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after
that historic day, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.; Hillary Rodham;
John F. Kerry; William Jefferson Clinton; Howard Dean;
Nancy Pelosi; Dianne Feinstein; Charles E. Schumer; and
Barbara Boxer were born.

That piece of information has now cleared up a lot of things.

A search provided these years in order. Gore - 1948, Rodham - 1947, Kerry - 1943, Klinton - 1946, Dean - 1948, Pelosi - 1940, Feinstein - 1933, Schumer - 1950, & Boxer - 1940. Now if I just knew who some of the last ones were I might understand what the author ( not Steve as I got it in my in box too ) was getting at, it sure wasn't factual, busted!!! Danny

[stjohn]

Subject: 30 years later

Well, it's not a mid-life crisis, but here's how things worked out for me. Married 30 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 30 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blond.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 60 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed....

[stjohn]

Breaking news...
A British company is developing small computer chips that can store
music in women's breasts.

This is considered a major breakthrough since women complain about
men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

[kirtsjc]

:) Facts now brought to light explains much~:)



Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claim an
unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep and
cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/humor/roswell.asp

[Miriam C.]

:) Facts now brought to light explains much~:)



Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claim an
unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep and
cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up
by the US Air Force and the federal government.

However, you may well NOT know the rest of the story.
In the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after
that historic day, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.; Hillary Rodham;
John F. Kerry; William Jefferson Clinton; Howard Dean;
Nancy Pelosi; Dianne Feinstein; Charles E. Schumer; and
Barbara Boxer were born.

That piece of information has now cleared up a lot of things.

A search provided these years in order. Gore - 1948, Rodham - 1947, Kerry - 1943, Klinton - 1946, Dean - 1948, Pelosi - 1940, Feinstein - 1933, Schumer - 1950, & Boxer - 1940. Now if I just knew who some of the last ones were I might understand what the author ( not Steve as I got it in my in box too ) was getting at, it sure wasn't factual, busted!!! Danny

You mean to tell me that the Visitors were coming here since 1932!!! And crashed in 47. Gosh how demeaning to have to stay grounded and have babies on the same month of the year.