Humor of the Day

[Podunkfla]

Walter the Dummy

Danny... your link doesn't work for me???

[Miriam C.]

Walter the Dummy

Danny... your link doesn't work for me???

Must not like guys from Florida. Worked from here twice.

[Podunkfla]

Walter the Dummy

Danny... your link doesn't work for me???

Must not like guys from Florida. Worked from here twice.

Well... It workedfine in another browser? It's always somethin... huh?
I hate the way Windoze updates something and it changes your settings.

[halfdome, Danny]

Get out your lawn chair and watch this one. Danny

Lawn Chair Drill Team

[halfdome, Danny]

This one is going around again, still funny though.

Ole Blue and the college kid


A young farm lad from North Iowa goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him.

Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at Iowa State that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.

"So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money.

The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing' around with that little redhead who lives in town?'

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

(The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.......)

[halfdome, Danny]

WHO IS JACK SCHITT

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack
Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt & Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood & subsequently married The Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

[Sam I am]

I just sch--- myself laughing!

[Joseph]

On her honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent."


In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"

Joseph

[PaulC]

How smart is Your Right Foot ? ?

Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon............

This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again
To see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It's preprogrammed
In your brain!

1. WITHOUT anyone watching you (they will think you are
GOOFY.....) and while sitting where you are at your desk in front of
Your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise
Circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
Hand.

Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it!

You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are
Going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

[Podunkfla]

Go to google maps, get directions, new york city to paris france, look at line 23.

http://maps.google.com/

[bledsoe3]

Go to google maps, get directions, new york city to paris france, look at line 23.

http://maps.google.com/

I got that in an e-mail 2 days ago. Somebody has a sense of humor.

[Jiminsav]

*A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When i get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him?"

[Miriam C.]

Go to google maps, get directions, new york city to paris france, look at line 23.

http://maps.google.com/

Ya gotta love Google.

[Joseph]

Please bear in mind - this is meant as HUMOR. It's a JOKE, okay?

Joseph

[Paw_Paw_Drew]

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."



The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.



She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."



"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"



"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."



The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."



"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"



"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."