Weird stuff of the day

[gman]

1: the ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2: 2,000 lbs. of chinese soup = won ton
3: 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4: the time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5: the weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6: the time it takes to sail 220 yards, at 1 nautical mile per hour =
knotferlong
7: 365.25 days of drinking low calorie beer = 1 lite year
8: 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
9: half a large intestine = 1 semicolon
10: 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
11: basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
12: shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line
13: 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
14: 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
15: 1 million bicycles = 1 megacycle
16: 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
17: 2,000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
18: 10 cards = 1 decacard
19: 52 cards = 1 deckadeck
20: 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 fig Newton
21: 1,000 grams of wet socks = 1 literhosen
22: 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
23: 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
24: 10 rations = 1 decaration
25: 100 rations = 1 C-ration
26: 2 monograms = 1 diagram
27: 8 nickels = 2 paradigms
28: 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale
University Hospital = 1 I.V. league


Must be some form of teardrop measurement, like how long to build a tear = a teareon?

[gman]

[toypusher]

LMAO!!!

[Loader]

Friend sent me this....

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[Spadinator]

579...then I had to go back to work!!!

[Nitetimes]

836.... so far, I'll get back to it tho...

[gman]

A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was
looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.

"No, I don't" she replied"

"Well," he spoofed, "there?s a building in China with a big tank
of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands,
let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."

She didn't crack a smile.

"Oh, well. I tried," he thought. But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the
dental procedure, she burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said.

Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always
working.

[bledsoe3]

912 on my third try. Maybe I'll try again later. Gotta read all the new posts first!

[gman]

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.
Bear says, "If I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering
with fear."
Lion says, "If I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of
me."
Chicken says, "Big deal I only have to cough and the entire planet
shits itself."

[gman]

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las
> Vegas, > but
> there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not
> surprisingly, some
> worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than
> cash when
> the basket is passed.
> >
> >
> >
> > Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches
> have
> devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all
> their
> collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then
> the
> chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
> >
> >
> >
> > This is done by the chip monks.
Didn't see it comin' did ya?!?!

[gman]

This is a true account as recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota,
Florida...
>
> An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning
> to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She
> dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at
> the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of
> the car!"
>
> The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got
> out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load
> her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.
> She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
>
> She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why... For
> the same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a
> Frisbee
> and two 12 packs of beer in the front seat! A few minutes later, she
> found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her
> bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
>
> The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.
> He pointed to the other end of the counter,where four pale men were
> reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less
> than five
> feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
>
>
> No charges were filed.
>
> If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it a memorable one!
>
>

[halfdome, Danny]

A Quiz For People Who Know Everything
(1) There's one "sport" in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it?

(2) What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

(3) Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

(4) Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball?

(5) What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

(6) In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

(7) Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw." They are all common. Name two of them.

(8) There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name half of them?

(9) Where are the lakes that are referred to in the "Los Angeles Lakers?"

(10) There are seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit. Taking a base on balls-a walk-is one way. Name the other six.

(11) It's the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh. What is it?

(12) Name six or more things that you can wear on your feet that begin with the letter "S."
--> Scroll down for the answers. Don't cheat! <--














"Answers To Quiz"

1. Boxing.

2. Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. Baseball.

5. Strawberry.

6. The pear grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the whole growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

7. Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle.

8. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

9. In Minnesota. The team was originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers and kept the name when they moved west.

10. Batter hit by a pitch; passed ball; catcher interference; catcher drops third strike; fielder's choice; and being designated as a pinch runner.

11. Lettuce.

12. Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, snowshoes, stockings.

...Well, now you know! Feel any smarter?

[DestinDave]

Wow - that'll help any ego problem I had...

I got #4 and #5 and #8. As a technicality, shouldn't cricket be included in #4?
Andrew ???

Dave

[PaulC]

Dave, How do you know about cricket? You must be a sports nut
You are right ,of course.
Cheers
Paul

[DestinDave]

Well, I cheated a bit Paul... I lived in Scotland for 4 years ('75 thru '78 ). I never totally understood all the rules except that the team that's in is out and the team that's out is in. The team that's out cannot come in until all the players on the team that's in are out.

BTW - your country is on my list of places to move to before I die! I look at "move to Australia" websites all the time...