Maybe your title should be "guess who became dinner"
Pick your poison.
Wild Possum Kabob
Ingredients:
1 Still breathing, corn-fed Possum
3 Ripe but firm tomatoes
1 Large white or yellow onion
1/2 pound large mushrooms
2 large green peppers
1 package meat marinade
1/2 cup soy sauce
12 skewers (sticks are okay in Arkansas)
Preparation:
The possum must be alive so that you can scare it, giving you the "wild" taste from all the adrenaline it produces. It is best to hit it over the head with a large object in a humane manner. Boil the possum for 3 minutes to loosen the fur then skin and gut it.
De-limb (chop the little knubby legs off) the possum and cut the meat into 1/2 inch square chunks. Marinate overnight in a mixture of meat marinade and soy sauce. Kentucky residents who have no fridge can use an ice chest and may use radiator coolant instead of soy sauce.
Thread the meat and veggies onto your skewer/stick in alternating sequences to distribute the delicious flavor evenly. Cook over a barbecue, pit, 50 gallon drum or any other fire till you get the desired result. For added flavor, you can cook it over burning tires.
Possum and Taters
Ingredients:
1 young, fat possum
8 sweet potatoes
2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon sugar
salt
Directions: First, catch a possum. This in itself is excellent entertainment on a moonlight night. Skin the possum and remove the head and feet. Be sure to wash it thoroughly. Freeze overnight either outside or in a refrigerator.
When ready to cook, peel the potatoes and boil them tender in lightly salted water along with the butter and sugar. At the same time, stew the possum tender in a tightly covered pan with a little water. Arrange the taters around the possum, strip with bacon, sprinkle with thyme or marjoram, or pepper, and brown in the oven. Baste often with the drippings.
Possum Pot Pie
Ingredients:
1 cup glazed huckleberries
3 shots gin or moonshine
1 possum
---if roadkill: make jambalaya
---if caught: proceed with recipe
1 pie crust
sliced carrots & cabbage to taste
Directions:
Cover a pan (or any implement you can put in a fire) with the bottom of your pie crust, and place the possum in it. Add the huckleberries and carrots, and shred the cabbage over it. Close up the pie and bake until the neighbors' dogs come sniffing around to see what the wonderful smell is, or until the fire department arrives (whichever comes first). Remove pie from fire/oven, slice, and enjoy.
Possum Creole
Ingredients:
1 slightly injured possum
1 cup mayonnaise
8 cups pig fat
2 cups buttermilk
2 fresh green peppers
Directions: Slice green peppers and mix ingredients in a large bowl(exclude possum). Cut possum into chunks or thin strips. Mix possum chunks into bowl. Transfer contents of bowl into a casserole dich and bake under 350 degrees for two hours. Remove from oven, let sit for half an hour, and serve. ENJOY!!
I'd raise hell to somebody that runs that town. 
Ira your way of expressing this situation has all of us laughing like sh.... here..
