Dad Jokes

[Tom&Shelly]

This is the one that got me banned from telling jokes at the dinner table (guess what we were having):

Why is pea soup better than roast beef?

Anyone can roast beef.

Tom

[rjgimp]

Hilarious guys!

Hope you don't mind that I'm stealing some of these so I can get some eye rolls during Thanksgiving dinner this year.

I get most of my best Dad Jokes the old fashioned way... I steal them!

[rjgimp]

I enjoy eating Eggs Benedict on disposable tableware because there's no plates like foam for the Hollandaise!

[Tom&Shelly]

Like most people my age...I'm 26.

(Actually, I'm 61, but the young lady on the Youtube channel told it that way, and her dad laughed, so I'm not changing a word!)

Tom

[rjgimp]

My cow stopped giving milk. She is an udder failure!

[rjgimp]

If a plant is sad, do other plants... photosympathise?

[rjgimp]

I have a pen that will write underwater.

It can write other words too.

[bdosborn]

If it weren’t for the invention of Venetian blinds, it would be curtains for us all.

[Tom&Shelly]

Friend of mine was a spell checker at the M&M factory. But he got fired.

Kept throwing away the W's

Tom

[DJ Davis]

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

You can't tell me that's just a coincidence....

[DJ Davis]

Friend of mine was a spell checker at the M&M factory. But he got fired.

Kept throwing away the W's

Tom

But I bet he kept and ate all the 3's and E's....

[rjgimp]

All of my lamps were stolen. I am de-lighted.

[Tom&Shelly]

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colors?

He had a reptile dysfunction.

Tom

[Tom&Shelly]

I have now cut enough fire wood to last the better part of winter!

The better part of winter is from December 22 to about January 3rd. It's the part from January 4th to April that might kill us!

Tom

[rjgimp]

Not everyone thinks Cleopatra is beautiful, but that's how Julius Ceaser...