Funny/interesting quotes you've heard...

[Kurt (Indiana)]

"If you think education is expensive...try ignorance".

[2bits]

The difference in the classes in mankind are not about money, but about actually having class not being the ruling class.

[mcspin50]

Man has yet to invent anything that goes faster than a vacation.

[atahoekid]

Ben Franklin allegedly said "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy"

[atahoekid]

A long quote attributed to Cliff Claven of "Cheers" fame. "Well you see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive drinking of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

[Kurt (Indiana)]

Mel, that's Brilliant

[MountainBiker]

Just heard this one yesterday
" I have an 8 to 4 job. I start at 8:00 East Coast Time, and quit at 4:00 West Coast Time"

[Kurt (Indiana)]

Before I retired I used to tell people that I was "semi-retired"....I only worked 12 hours a day.

Also..I told my boss that "the older you get; the less sleep you need".. "If I work here long enough; I'll be able to stay awake all day".

[WarPony]

I saw this one on a Facebook page:

I don't need anger management...you just need to quit pissing me off!!



Jeff

[eamarquardt]

I come in peace, I didn't bring artillery. But I am pleading with you with tears in my eyes: If you fukk with me, I'll kill you all. Marine General James Mattis, to Iraqi tribal leaders

More: http://oldcorps.org/USMC/quotes.html

Cheers,

Gus

[jan4peace]

"The question is, does he like you back. Because if he doesn't, this is all just a moo point..... It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo..."

Joey Tribbiani from the TV show "Friends"





Well, I think it's funny.

"How you doin'?"

[Vindi_andy]

One i use is,

You have got two hopes, NO hope and BOB Hope, and BOB is DEAD !!

I have a similar one

You have 2 hopes and bobs under the golf course.

I used to say he was on it but cant anymore

"If at first you dont succeed, remove all evidence you even tried"

Nil carbeundum illegitimi

semper in excremento, solum profunditas variat

[Vindi_andy]

Heard on national television in the UK and possibly around the world during a Cricket match

"The bowler's Holding, The batsmans Willie"

During a golf tournament said of Nick Faldo whose caddy was called Fanny Sounnesson (sp)

"Sometime he likes to do it himself sometimes he likes to use Fanny"

Sports commentators can always be relied upon for funny quotes

[rebapuck]

The shortest measure of time is... from when the light turns green to when the guy behind you honks.

[jan4peace]

"I avoid cliches like the plague"