Humor of the Day

[madjack]

...well I figure it must be an Estonian method of interrogation or an ad for onion air fresheners ............

[Jiminsav]

What????
you guys don't understand Finnish?

[Miriam C.]

I could not believe that I could actually read this!



Try to read this. I'm sure you can....very interesting.


fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 out of 100 plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it d seno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltt eres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

55 out of 100 is a majority. We all have strange minds or we taught school.
Miriam

[Kevin A]

1) Zero Gravity

When NASA started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil. Your taxes are due again--enjoy paying them.



(2) Our Constitution

"They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and hell, we're not using it anymore."



(3) Ten Commandments

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse is that you cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment.

[MeelisV]

http://videos.streetfire.net/hottestvid ... D8CF6A.htm

[s4son]

IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games all day long at State expense.
AT WORK ...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet and free toilet paper.
AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON ..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK ............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners

IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ..........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic fellow prisoners.
AT WORK...........they are called co-workers

[An Ol Timer]

An old rancher came into the railhead from his spread to pick up his new mail order bride. To impress her he had also used his finest buckboard and his best horse.

On the way back to the ranch the horse stumbled and fell. The rancher got down, went around to the horse, looked it in the eye and said "That's Once!".

They proceeded down the road and soon the horse falls again and the rancher once more did the same thing as before.

As they start down the road, once again the horse falls, and this time the rancher gets down, goes around, takes out his six gun and kills the beautiful animal.

As he is climbing back on the buckboard his new bride begins to give him all kinds of hell. As she finishes, the rancher turns, looks her in the eye and says, "That's Once!".

[An Ol Timer]

The man had just picked up his new Cadillac and was headed down I-95 on his way to Florida. Stopping at a rest area he noticed this old black gentleman sitting on a bench near the restroom and beside him was a bicycle. When he came out his curiosity got the best of him and he asked the old man where he was headed. The old man said Florida and so he offered him a ride.

They tried all ways to get the bike into the caddie, but it wouldn't fit, so he got a piece of rope and a whistle out of his car. They tied the rope to the car and to the bike. He then took the whistle and gave it to the old man saying, "If you want to stop just blow the whistle and I'll pull over".

The man pulled back onto I-95 with the old man in tow. A little way down the road a Lincoln comes up behind and then starts to pass. Not to be out done the man steps down on the gas and speeds up where upon the driver of the Lincoln does the same.

Forgetting about the old man in tow the man keeps pace with the Lincoln. They go 65, 75, 85, 95 and as they approach 100 mph they pass a highway patrol car with a radar gun. He takes a look and calls his sergeant who is down the road.

"Sir, sir! You'll never believe what I just saw! A Caddie and a Lincoln just went by here at 100 mph." The sergeant replies "What's so strange about that? It happens most every day."

"Yes sir, but this time there's an old black man on a bicycle behind them blowing a whistle so that they'll move over to let him pass!!!!"

[Tear Fan]

Termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

[s4son]

Kansas City, MO - A seven year old boy was at the center of a Kansas City courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Kansas City Royals, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

[Tear Fan]

A blond gal was tearing down the highway, late for work. She glanced in the rear-view mirror, and to her dismay there was a patrol car, lights flashing. She pulled over and the patrol car did the same.

A blond female cop in sunglasses walked up to the car and said, "Ma'am, I need to see a picture ID." The blond rummaged through her purse, looking for her driver's license, to no avail. All she could find was her compact. She took it out of her purse, opened it. looked in the mirror, then handed it to the cop.

The cop took one look at it, handed it back, and said . . . "Well, if I'd known you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over . . . "

[TomS]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Hey pal, why the long face"?

[Tear Fan]

A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barkeep shakes his head sadly and says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."

[MeelisV]

http://dojo.fi/~rancid/loituma__.swf

speakers needed,

you remember this,

now there is remix

http://www.zone.ee/triinu88/Loituma%20- ... bm%20remix).mp3


and original in finn language,

http://www.vpu.lt/vpu/siusti/1204/elniukai.mp3

words in english

The sound of a polka drifted from my neighbor's
and set my feet a-tapping oh!
Ieva's mother had her eye on her daughter but
Ieva she managed to fool her, you know.
'Cause who's going to listen to mother saying no
when we're all busy dancing to and fro!

Ieva was smiling, the fiddle it was wailing
as people crowded round to wish her luck.
Everyone was hot but it didn't seem to bother
the handsome young man, the dashing buck.
'Cause who's going to mind a drop of sweat
when he's all busy dancing to and fro!

Ieva's mother she shut herself away
in her own quiet room to hum a hymn.
Leaving our hero to have a spot of fun
in a neighbor's house when the lights are dim.
'Cause what does it matter what the old folks say
when you're all busy dancing to and fro!

When the music stopped then the real fun began
and that's when the laddie fooled around.
When he took her home, when the dancing was over
her mother angrily waiting they found.
But I said to her, Ieva, now don't you weep
and we'll soon be dancing to and fro!

I said to her mother now stop that noise
or I won't be responsible for what I do.
If you go quietly and stay in your room
you won't get hurt while your daughter I woo.
'Cause this fine laddie is a wild sort of guy
when he's all busy dancing to and fro!

One thing I tell you is you won't trap me,
no, you won't find me an easy catch.
Travel to the east and travel to the west but
Ieva and I are going to make a match.
'Cause this fine laddie ain't the bashful sort
when he's all busy dancing to and fro.

[Nitetimes]

All I get is " Kontrolli, kas oled sisestanud otsitava aadressi õigesti."?????