Humor of the Day

Things that don't fit anywhere else...

Postby Kevin A » Fri Jul 14, 2006 12:27 am

Boodro wrote:What do ya tell a woman with two black eyes???

Nothin , you all ready told her twice!
Boodro, I'd like to think I have a fair sense of humor and I don't want to give the impression that I question your sense of humor. Quite the contrary, however I'm having difficulty finding the humor in this post.
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Postby Gage » Sat Jul 15, 2006 4:13 am

A friend emailed this to me. I do believe all the blonde women on the board will like this Blonde Joke. :yes:

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral
against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally, a smart blonde joke. :o

Have a good day

:thinking:
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Postby madjack » Sat Jul 15, 2006 5:34 am

Gage wrote:
Finally, a smart blonde joke. :o

Have a good day

:thinking:


:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :applause: :applause: :applause: they gotta win one every now and then........ 8)
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Postby Chris C » Sat Jul 15, 2006 9:31 am

Dang it, Gage, I just copied that one from the Fiberglas RV Forum and was going to post it here. Ya beat me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Still a funny joke, though, huh?)
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Postby TomS » Wed Jul 19, 2006 7:21 am

Check out this video
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Postby Chip » Thu Jul 20, 2006 6:40 am

has this one surfaced on here yet???

Lost in Home Depot



Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide.

The older guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's okay. It's a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The older guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big tits, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The older guy says, "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours."
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Postby mincey » Thu Jul 20, 2006 9:51 am

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
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Postby mincey » Thu Jul 20, 2006 9:55 am

A crusty old biker walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window, "I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!" says the biker.

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank," the teller informs him. She then leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform her of the situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old biker, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million dollars in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see, " says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time?"
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PONDERISMS

Postby halfdome, Danny » Fri Jul 21, 2006 8:50 am

PONDERISMS

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?
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Postby halfdome, Danny » Fri Jul 21, 2006 11:11 am

The Importance of Grammar



Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.

The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue? "The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned - it will not work again for another year."



Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, "123." He suddenly becomes more aroused than anytime in his life....just as the medicine man had promised. Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"



And now you know why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition.
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Being a kid...least we forget

Postby Juneaudave » Sat Jul 22, 2006 5:19 pm

A friend sent a bunch of these...we should never forget how it was....

Snoop Dougie...at 12

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Gage...the pre-surfer years

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Chip...developing a taste for juice of all sorts

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Ira...still trying to pull his head out of his ***

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Young Madjack...hummmm

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Dean..at 13

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Postby Kurt (Indiana) » Sat Jul 22, 2006 5:28 pm

Two Blonds sitting a cafe having breakfast. While reading the newpaper, the one blond said, "listen to this; 12 Brazillian killed in a forest fire".
Wow, said the other blond; (pause) "how many is a brazillian??? :oops:
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Postby madjack » Sat Jul 22, 2006 9:06 pm

:lol: :lol: actually Dave that is my cousin, who now works at a cabaret in the Village under the name of Jaquee' .......
madjack 8)
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Re: Being a kid...least we forget

Postby bledsoe3 » Sat Jul 22, 2006 9:17 pm

Juneaudave wrote:A friend sent a bunch of these...we should never forget how it was....

Dean..at 13

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Which one is dean?
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Postby madjack » Sat Jul 22, 2006 9:22 pm

...well if she is 13, then I am in REALLY BIG TROUBLE :o :lol: ;) .................................. 8)
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