Dad Jokes

[Tom&Shelly]

Did you know there is a species of ant that absorbs moisture right out of the air?

They're called dessic ants.

Tom

[Tom&Shelly]

Many people don't know that the US Army actually operates its own transport ships.

During World War II, the Navy set up a depot somewhere in the South Pacific. In addition to suppying and making repairs to their own ships, they had a whole book of regulations on what they were allowed to do for allied ships (British, Canadian, Australian, Dutch, etc.) that came to the depot. But when a US army transport came in they were stymied.

Took an Admiral in Washington to affirm that the US Army is an ally of the US Navy.

Tom

[Tom&Shelly]

Heard there are two brothers who are starting a weekly radio program on maintaining and repairing garbage trucks.

They're calling it "Trash Talk".

Tom

[DJ Davis]

Hey, Star Wars Fans out there! I found out this weekend Yoda had a last name. It was Layheehoo.

[bdosborn]

It is a five minute walk from my house to the bar, but a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house. The difference is staggering.

Bruce

[Tom&Shelly]

Why can you only buy 7.5 oz cans of Coke in Minneapolis/St Paul?

Because it's Mini-Soda

Tom

[Tom&Shelly]

Why don't people in St Louis like that last joke?

Because it's Misery!

Tom

[Tom&Shelly]

Why did the old Hippie move from Jackson to San Fransisco?

To get away from Mrs Hippie!

Tom

[Tom&Shelly]

Then there's the weaver who threw up his hands in disgust and moved to Montana, after watching the news and seeing the state of the world these days.

Went to Helena Handbasket.

Tom

Shelly: OK, stop making jokes, and figure out where we're going to go camping this Summer.

[bdosborn]

Why did the old Hippie move from Jackson to San Fransisco?

To get away from Mrs Hippie!

Tom

How does a hippie polygamist count his wives?
1 Mrs. Hippie, 2 Mrs. Hippie, 3 Mrs. Hippie...
Bruce

[philpom]

What do you call a fake koi?





A dekoi.....

[BigGoofyGuy]

Then there's the weaver who threw up his hands in disgust and moved to Montana, after watching the news and seeing the state of the world these days.

Went to Helena Handbasket.

Tom

Shelly: OK, stop making jokes, and figure out where we're going to go camping this Summer.

There is a place in NY called Hell. Every year during winter, Hell freezes over.

[Tom&Shelly]

Then there's the weaver who threw up his hands in disgust and moved to Montana, after watching the news and seeing the state of the world these days.

Went to Helena Handbasket.

Tom

Shelly: OK, stop making jokes, and figure out where we're going to go camping this Summer.

There is a place in NY called Hell. Every year during winter, Hell freezes over.

I grew up there! Only we called it Endicott.

Tom

[Tom&Shelly]

Ask any pilot:

Flying is the 2nd greatest thrill known to man!

The first is landing.

Tom

[Tom&Shelly]

A secret confession: I like to sing songs from musicals while chipping wood.

I call it singing along with Briggs & Stratton.

Tom

"I talk to the trees, but they never listen to me.

So I feed them through the wood chipper..."

Hey, it's good enough for Clint Eastwood.