Humor of the Day

[Podunkfla]

BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking....... and one
blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away...Florida or the
moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "So, How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he
could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just
yesterday you took away my license and now today you expect me to show it to
you!"

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde
on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You
ARE on the other side."


AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body
hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she
pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her
scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at
the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper
cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russi an said, "We
were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You
can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the
dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a
vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked
her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named
Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

[alaska teardrop]

A seal walks into the Howlin' Dog Saloon, the world's farthest north Rock 'n Roll bar.

The bartender asks, 'what'll ya have?'

Seal, 'anything but a Canadian club, aye.'

[madjack]

...arrr...arrr...arrr...arrr...............................................

[Kevin A]

Angry Professor vs Cell Phone

[cracker39]

A Mafia godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated
him out of ten million bucks.

His bookkeeper is deaf.

That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It
was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything
that he might have to testify about in court.

When the godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his
missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows
sign language.

The godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10
million bucks he embezzled from me is."

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where
the money is.

The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are
talking about."

The attorney tells the godfather, "He says he doesn't know
what you're talking about."

The godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the
bookkeeper's temple, and says, "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you
don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a
brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's
backyard in Queens!"

The godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the guts to
pull the trigger."

[cracker39]

Angry Professor vs Cell Phone

That looks like a set up shot to me, just like some of the videos on the Funniest Home Video TV shows do.

First, why would someone in the class be sitting there with a video cam, focusing on the person with the cell phone, and waiting for the professor to come over and destroy it? Second, if the professor was annoyed by a cell phone, why would he allow someone to have a video camera being used in the room? If someone was taping the lecture, why would they pan away just because a cell phone rang? And, how do we know what was actually smashed on the floor? I only counted 5 or 6 people in the shot from the camera, not a classroom full. HMMMMMMMMMM.

[Kevin A]

Angry Professor vs Cell Phone

That looks like a set up shot to me, just like some of the videos on the Funniest Home Video TV shows do.

First, why would someone in the class be sitting there with a video cam, focusing on the person with the cell phone, and waiting for the professor to come over and destroy it? Second, if the professor was annoyed by a cell phone, why would he allow someone to have a video camera being used in the room? If someone was taping the lecture, why would they pan away just because a cell phone rang? And, how do we know what was actually smashed on the floor? I only counted 5 or 6 people in the shot from the camera, not a classroom full. HMMMMMMMMMM.

Dale,
I'll bet you think WWF wrestling is fake too huh?

[Ma3tt]

Bubba, a furniture dealer from Arkansas, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

Yeah and I don't think Bubba went to France either!

[halfdome, Danny]

Dale,
I'll bet you think WWF wrestling is fake too huh?

[cracker39]

Truly a sign of our times...

[Sonetpro]

[PaulC]

Hey Steve, I've gotta know whose cat that is. That's one funny photo

Cheers
Paul

[Sonetpro]

Hey Steve, I've gotta know whose cat that is. That's one funny photo

Cheers
Paul

Hi Paul, I don't know who's it is. My son sent it to me.

Whatcha think of this new smiley.

[PaulC]

Hey Steve, I've gotta know whose cat that is. That's one funny photo

Cheers
Paul

Hi Paul, I don't know who's it is. My son sent it to me.

Whatcha think of this new smiley.

Made me
Use with caution
Cheers
Paul

[madjack]

...yeah Steve...use with caution, I am afraid there are some here who would be tempted to use it in every other line
madjack