Friday Mornings Joke

[PaulC]

He's 85, The Bride's 25 - What a Honeymoon !
a Honeymoon ! At 85 years of age, Morris married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year
old.

Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their Wedding
she and Morris should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that
her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire
night together.

After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the
expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens
and there is Morris, her 85 year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one.

All goes well, Morris takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to
sleep.

After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and
it's Morris. Again he is ready for more "action". Somewhat surprised, Lou
Anne consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Morris kisses
his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Morris Is back
again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more
"action". And, once more they enjoy each other.

But as Morris gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I Am
thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often.
I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once.
You are truly a great lover, Morris."

Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says:
"You mean I Was here already?"

The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has Its
advantages.

[Aussiedrops]

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times.

At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.

"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. Whereupon the old lady answers, 'We just love the chocolate around them.............


Dave

[Joseph]

What do a hurricane in Florida, a tornado in Kansas and a divorce in West Virginia have in common?












Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

Joseph

[The Teardrop Nanny]

A sheriff was parked close by the local tavern one evening just before closing at the edge of the parking lot. He was observing the patrons as they exited after the last call for drinks that night. As he watched them unlock the car doors and begin to leave the lot he saw one man stumble out the back door and weave his way toward a pick-up truck. The guy swayed back and forth as he fumbled in his pockets for the keys. Upon finding them he attempted to open the door and dropped them...once, then picked them up and tried again. After three attempts he was able to open the door and pull himself up onto the front seat.

When he got inside the truck he turned the headlights on and then off. He put on the overhead light and leaned down in the truck as though he'd once again dropped his keys. Finally, as the last car had left the lot the man was finally able to start the truck. The sheriff watched with amusement as the guy started the truck and lurched forward toward the exit, then backed up, and tried it again. The sheriff started his vehicle and followed the guy out of the lot, pulling him over to the side after a very short drive. When he got to the truck he asked the man to step out to give him a field sobriety test. To the sheriff's amazement, the guy was able to perform every task asked perfectly and he spoke coherently.

As the sheriff scratched his head he asked if the guy would take a breath test to which the man readily agreed to do. The results were negative. The exasperated sheriff asked the guy how he could still be sober after exiting the tavern and appearing to be so drunk. To which the man grinned at him and replied, "I'm the designated decoy."


TDN

[The Teardrop Nanny]

It was at the end of a long day when the cop parked his police car in the front of the station. As he gathered his equipment, his K-9 partner, Buzz, was barking. As the cop looked over his shoulder he saw a little boy staring in at him. "Is that a dog you got back there?" the little boy asked.
The cop replied, "It sure is." Puzzled, the little boy looked at the cop and then towards the back of the patrol car. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"




Have a great Friday and don't forget to wear a bit o' green tomorrow......unless you are one of those people who enjoy being pinched!

TDN

[Arne]

Two fellows blessed with low iq's were sitting on the porch drinking beer, while their dog was lying on the dirt licking his private parts.......

One said to the other, "I sure wish I could do that"....

The other replied: "If you tried that, I think that dog might bite you"..

[Dixie Flyer]

The Beer Test

Jim walked into a bar and announced to all his buddies that he could identify any kind of beer by taste alone. So his buddies blind folded him and they set out three glasses of beer on the bar.

They guided Jim to the bar and he picked up the first glass, tasted it, held the glass up and announced, "That's Bud Light!" One of his buddies says, "You're right!"

Jim picked up the second glass, tasted it, once again help the glass up and proudly announced, "That's Michelob!" One of his buddies says, "You're right!"

Jim, feeling triumphant now, picked up the third glass, tasted it and then he spit it out suddenly and said, "God, that tastes like piss!!!" Then one of his buddies says, " Yeah, but who's??!!"

[Rob]

California Women

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a Woman from Iowa . He told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a Woman from Minnesota. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Woman from California. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.

The first day he couldn't see anything, and the second day he couldn't see anything. By the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.

Yep, I married the the woman from California.