Bogus tools, tecniques etc...shop humor.....

[doug hodder]

I'm burned out on my build and was thinking about something light and fun...I was thinking about the type of crap that was pulled on me as a youth in a shop situation...I'm sure anyone that has worked in a shop knows the routine...find the rookie and send him off for something stupid that doesn't exist...for instance....

1. a stud stretcher
2. a sky hook
3. a can of PDQ hole softener
4 a bucket of prop wash

I'm sure there are lots of you out there that have pulled the same kind of stunts or have had them pulled on you....here's your chance...what's your story? doug

[Miriam C.]

Bubble Oil my dear. You know the stuff that makes the bubble on your level. Natural gas pipeline and the foreman had nothing better to do than pick on a girl.

Oh and find a stud. "Sorry boss ain't none round here." " I could go into town and find one though."

[madjack]

...that is a #3 sky hook and a 5gal bucket of left handed pipe thread...we would also tell helpers to go get some 2X4's and to be sure and get the soft ones' cause we didn't have hardwood nails...if they stood there with a dumb look on their face and asked how they could tell...well the answer is to "bite 'em"
madjack

[doug hodder]

I also know that in the grocery business in certain stores, it's a common practice to send some unsuspecting bag boy over to the competition and have him pick up a "buggy wrench" the competition tells him that they aren't done with it, and have him bag groceries at their store in the mean time...so here's a Safeway guy...bagging groceries at an Albertsons... Doug

[madjack]

...oh yeah, he has to get a left handed pipe wrech to go with that bucket of left handed pipe thread...how else ya gonna install it...........
madjack

[doug hodder]

Or how about a "blue tip wrench"....faster than any of the right or left handed ones...Doug

[madjack]

Or how about a "blue tip wrench"....faster than any of the right or left handed ones...Doug

...I assume that is the same as a 9/16th fire wrench............................

[doug hodder]

just depends on what part of the country you are in....but I'm sure we are on the same page...Doug

[sdtripper2]

# Ships

1. If someone tells you to report for the Mail Buoy Watch at the bow of the ship, it's a joke. Believe it or not, they don't dump loads of US Mail in the middle of the ocean for ships to find.
2. If someone needs you to get a heavy HT punch from the ship machine shop, don't. Some of the folks who work in the machine shop are Hull Technicians, or HTs. They will gladly give you a heavy HT punch - right in the arm.
3. If someone tells you to stand watch on the stern of the ship and report if you see any (spelled phonetically) "See Gee You Elevens", or CGU-11's, that too is a joke. They're telling you to watch for Sea Gulls (Sea-g-u-ll).

# Aircraft

1. If someone tells you to go get 15 radar contacts to repair a connector, it's a joke. A radar contact is a target on a radar screen.
2. If someone tells you to get 200 yards of flight line, it's a joke. A flight line is where they park the aircraft.
3. Don't fall for the 50-gallons of Prop Wash either. Prop wash is the air pushed back from a propeller or helicopter rotor.
There actually used to be a real soap solution called that, but it's no longer used.
4. If someone sends you to supply to get one large "ID-Ten-Tango", they're sending you to get one big ID-10-T, or Idiot.

[doug hodder]

thanks Steve...that's the type of stuff I'm talking about!!!! and the thing is, the older you get, the more of them you learn... the real magic is to know it from the get go and turn the tables on them and bring back something with your own nomenclature behind it....then you get some respect....Doug

I know that a lot of you out there in TD land have similar stories...please share...it'll be a learning lesson for all of us...as I'm sure we haven't heard all of them.... doug

[sdtripper2]

I remember being sent for "bulkhead remover".
I guess I didn't have my thinking cap on that day but when I got to the
Boatswain's locker, the guy there was NOT helpful cause I was sent all over
da place to find the elusive remover.

[Podunkfla]

Oh yeah... I love snipe hunts... We even got 'em to bite on:

Left Handed Gromet Torquer

AC Battery Tester

Carpenters sent newbies for a:

Rafter Jack

Then there are these...

In the Air Force new airmen being sent to the commissary to purchase a bottle of prop wash. Other military snipe hunts include sending someone for keys to a drop zone, box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, and lightstick batteries.

A US Army variation is to send a soldier in search of a Priky-7, a non-existent object that sounds like an older military slang term for a radio. After being sent to several NCO's (i.e., sergeants), he is finally sent to a Sergeant First Class (an E-7 pay grade). That sergeant explains why he isn't looking for a prick E-7, but a Priky-8, and is sent looking for the company's First Sergeant (an E-8 pay grade). Somehow First Shirts are not fond of being called a prick?

[asianflava]

There is always the Metric Cresent wrench.

[toypusher]

A room strecher because the carpet is too long! Or the sofa won't fit.

[halfdome, Danny]

Veneer stretcher