Bogus tools, tecniques etc...shop humor.....

[JunkMan]

While on Boy Scouts campouts, we always needed a bacon stretcher and a smoke bender.


While working on the flight line in the USMC, new avionics techs were sent out to repair the ASH reciever.

[IndyTom]

A good friend of was an air traffic controller in the Air Force. On his first day on the job, he was sent to the north end of the field to close the "approach gate". Evidently he spent quite a while up there looking for the gate until security came along and asked him what the heck he was doing. He wasn't really amused. I have aways thought it was hilarious.

BTW, the approach gate is an imaginary area in space that the aircraft has to pass through to land properly.

Tom

[angib]

I learnt to draw ships lines just long enough ago that you had to learn doing it by hand. To connect up the various points with a really smooth line, you used a plexiglass batten maybe 1/4" square and held it fixed in many places with the pointed tips of drawing 'dogs', or weights. Where the curves were tight, it would have been useful to have longer, pointed weights so, yes, I did go down to the drawing office store to ask for a 'long weight' - they let me have a 'long wait' instead........

It is an old tale that behind the steering gear (the hydraulic machinery that turns the rudder) of a ship, even a modern welded ship, they still put in one golden rivet. Of course, the tender young apprentice has to lean right over the steering gear in a somewhat vulnerable position to see this rivet and it's always the biggest, hairiest steel plater that shows him this sight. He never does see the golden rivet, but while he's bending over the steering gear, the plater is supposed to give him something else......

So never, ever accept an offer to be shown the 'golden rivet'.

Andrew

[rbeemer]

Boy Scouts,

Left Handed Smoke Shifter - actually had somebody come back with one and we had to use it.
Left handed Screwdriver or hammer

Though at camporees in Sacramento you always had to watch the weather for tornadoes that would come during the night and knock tents over.

[Joseph]

If someone tells you to report for the Mail Buoy Watch at the bow of the ship, it's a joke. Believe it or not, they don't dump loads of US Mail in the middle of the ocean for ships to find.

I know of one young seaman whose Chief put on mail bouy watch. He fell asleep. So his shipmates went to the nuc MMs, got a big yellow poly bag, wrote "MAIL" on it, heaved it over the side and told the Chief. The Chief woke him up, pointing aft at the bag. "You missed it!! Report to the OOD!" The OOD, a crusty old Warrant Officer, wasn't in on the gag, but didn't bat an eye. "Throw him in the brig." He sat there for a couple of hours.

If someone tells you to get 200 yards of flight line, it's a joke. A flight line is where they park the aircraft.

Likewise for 220 yards of water line.

I'm afraid the sea bat is extinct, though...

Joseph

[tonyj]

There is always the Metric Cresent wrench.

When I worked for Volkswagen, the Snap-On tool man loved selling metric crescent wrenches to the new mechanics. We made it shop policy that every one had one in their tool box along with their metric phillips screw drivers.

[rainjer]

Don't forget in baseball to:

Get a box of curve balls.. or
Get the key to the batters box.

[DRYVEM]

How about going to the auto parts store to ask for muffler bearings?

Barbara

[Gambam]

[Dean in Eureka, CA]

Aluma-Magnet; Special magnet designed to attract aluminum....

We sent a rookie to the hardware store to pick one up.
He obviously became privy to the gig after being told there is no such thing...
He came back to the jobsite toting a plastic bag full of crushed soda cans over his shoulder.

[Gambam]

How about going to the auto parts store to ask for muffler bearings?

Barbara

Had a guy on an Auto Forum argue for weeks that his car had the Muffler Bearings replaced when he went to Midas.

I think he was the same guy who later was asking were he could get a bottle of Headlight Fluid, cause one of his lights was out.

[Rob]

Boy Scouts,

Left Handed Smoke Shifter - actually had somebody come back with one and we had to use it.
Left handed Screwdriver or hammer

Rick--
I think we were in some of the same scouting circles!

[rbeemer]

Rob, could be true since I grew up in Fairfield

[Steve Frederick]

I work in the mechanical construction trades. The tin knockers (sheet metal workers) have a tool called a duct stretcher, used to align stubborn duct sections. The cool thing is when you send an apprentice for one, and he thinks you're joking and refuses to go! The real joke..You produce one and collect a free lunch!

[caseydog]

Doh, someone beat me to my favorite -- muffler bearings.

Of course, in addition to muffler bearings, brake pads are held in with canifilin pins (not sure on the spelling).

And, don't forget the famous Gonculator -- a device that works in any profession.

A cool joke to play on gas station attendants when driving a Porshe 911 was to ask them to check under the hood, and see which end of the car they would go to.

CD