Bogus tools, tecniques etc...shop humor.....

[robfisher]

I asked my wife to bring me the hammerfour.
"What's a hammer for?"
Pounding nails.

[Geron]

You got the wrong nails. Go get the other box. These go on the other wall --- see.

g

[apratt]

I asked my wife to bring me the hammerfour.
"What's a hammer for?"
Pounding nails.

If I told that to my wife, she'll get the hammerHEAD!!!!

[Bobgorilla]

...I assume that is the same as a 9/16th fire wrench............................ [/quote]
MJ when I lived in Georgia we used plenty of "firewrenches" but I don't remember a 9/16ths, usually measured in amps or watts if I remember right!

[Cutterpup]

Ah Newbies they were so much fun when I was in the CG.

Keys to the sea chest--- The opening in the hull where the water intakes are located.

Relative bearing grease--- relative bearing are the direction of an object relative to the ships heading.

Bucket of steam--

Bucket of shoreline-- I was asked for this one time and returned with some of the foulest stinkiest mud I could find.. and I was never asked for anything else weird again.

Brass magnets--


Dan

[AlaskaJack]

Well, not exactly tool related but:

Many years ago on a submarine in the Pacific..... (peacetime... sorta)

Port lookout (me) reported to the OOD (who was a "very unpleasant" LTJG)

"Sir, B1-rd at 280 degrees, five miles and closing!"

Very unpleasant LTJG reports to the Captain: "Sir, port lookout reports B1-rd at 280 degrees and closing!"

Captain replies to very unpleasant LTJG: "You dumbass.... that's a bird!"

Very unpleasant LTJG became even more unpleasant....

[madjack]

...I assume that is the same as a 9/16th fire wrench............................
MJ when I lived in Georgia we used plenty of "firewrenches" but I don't remember a 9/16ths, usually measured in amps or watts if I remember right!

...mustta been one of those gearhead things...I guess .................................

[Bobgorilla]

I'm afraid the sea bat is extinct, though...

Joseph[/quote]
Sea bat extinct? Say it ain't so! We had a cook fall for the mail bouy on my submarine. He carried a bag to every watch station and got letters addressed to "U R Stupid" and such (cause if you can pick up mail, you can leave it) He dressed in an orange exposure suit for the cold put burnt cork on his face for camo and carried a large boathook. When he reported to control for duty, the captain had sent a torpedo man with an M14 to act as his "shark guard" because we "lost" a guy once.

other favorites: bucket of live steam, navigational gyro oil, and the best of all- a water slug (really means to flood a empty torpedo tude with sea water and "fire" it to show the tube works properly) added bonus getting a noob to dive the tube to clean it and closing the door on him. As you might guess submarines are boring and pulling pranks were a professional sport, along with poker and movie watching

[Steve_Cox]

First day in a new unit I had a Commo Sgt tell me to go get a T-R-Double E to hang wire on. I went to the PX and drank a beer, and brought him back one in a paper sack. After that I was sent for a "tree" most afternoons. Sgt Lomax was alright

[Bobgorilla]

MJ, firewrenches in Ga. are also called heliarc or acetlyne, great for loosening those stubborn rusty bolts!

[madjack]

MJ, firewrenches in Ga. are also called heliarc or acetlyne, great for loosening those stubborn rusty bolts!

...ubetchabuddy...and if it won't loosen, you get to BURN IT ...................................

[Lesbest]

The Gas Axe, for fixing those "shunts in the bum"
In the mill we had magnet juice ---in 5 gal. pails- go to the storeroom to get it.
The electricians always had a special order of short circuits to pick up for the apprentices.
The all handy ball-penis hammer.
The West Virginia blue wrench

For real in the subway that ran the length on all the mills, the lights had lefthanded thread bases---so nobody would steal tham for home---but that didn't matter as much as the mill ran on 50 cycle electric, duh..still does.

Les

[doug hodder]

As a geologist when sitting a rig and we hit a hard formation, we'd send the helper to the mud shed to pick up a couple of bags of PDQ hole softener.... Doug

[rainjer]

I had a boss that would ask new employee's to go get him a "talking stick", a "yo-yo", an "attitude adjuster", a "buggy".

(a pencil, tape measure, hammer & fork lift)

[Jiminsav]

whilst a Flight engineer on a CH-54 skycrane here on the coast, we were always on the look-out for the new Russian air to air missile...the GU-11.

the are mostly white with some black spots on the wing lets.

sorts looks like a sea gull..