Bogus tools, tecniques etc...shop humor.....

[Jiminsav]

and another one..when the Pilots wrote up a deficiency, and if it was something that could be fixed with a precisely applied blow from a hammer, well, we couldn't write that on the -13 form, so we MALLETIZED it...

[angib]

I worked with a guy who had been a designer of electricity pylons (the bolted/riveted framework type) and his bosses had always impressed on the designers how much extra it cost to drill a hole on site compared to back in the workshop.

So the parts lists on his drawings always contained this item:
1 bag, spare holes, for site use

Andrew

[Steve Frederick]

When an apprentice burns up his first controller, we scold him for letting the "factory-installed" smoke out! A very difficult repair to make in the field.

[BILLYL]

I worked at Hazeltine on Long Island - electronic warefare and stuff like that. The lead forman would always send the new enginneers to get him a "Wire Stretcher" Seems that Mechanical Inspection was always on his case to make sure the radar cables he was making were long enough.

Bill

[Bobgorilla]

Another old submarine tool- cresent hammer we could fix anything with 2 different size cresent hammers!

[Keith B]

Not really the same thing but.........When laying concrete I asked one of my guys to get the come-a-long and start getting the concrete in the corners...he went to my truck and got the "cable puller type wench come-a-long", he didn't last long. He was also told to cut rafter tails on a 4/12... he cut every rafter down to 5 feet, a/k/a 4'-12" .... $1200 later for all new rafters he was let go.. WITHOUT SEVERENCE.. experience my a$$.

An "ex" girl-friend of mine asked the mechanic to check her muffler bearings per my request... the mechanics at least got a good laugh.

[diverguy]

i really enjoy going to the local auto parts chain store and asking for a lower rediator hose for a 72 VW beatle. almost always the say they dont have in stock but can order. i say ok lets order one. then they are either not available or on back order. i hvae them search other stores call around. usually teh manager or some older attendent catches on and they get a good laugh. it is really fun when i get three or four of them all trying their best to find on for me.

VW were air cooled and had no radiator. cold as all get out in the winter. no heater. i sometime ask for a heater core also. thermostat, anything radiator related.

[Lesbest]

diverguy-- on the same vein when a new kid started at the Chevy store in parts I would have him look for a water pump for a 66 Corvair, same thing, air cooled, parts mgr would snikker and continue on, tolk the kid I'd come back--keep looking, REALLY needed one. Turned into a good parts guy.
Les

[Laredo]

Oh, to be 18 again ... Tech Sgt sent me for a ceiling hanger.

Being young and dumb and not wanting to look either, I went down to OMS where I'd been sent, and asked, and then over to AMS like they told me to, and then stopped off on my way to EOD where AMS suggested I try next, and picked up a $0.59 L-shaped bracket and a $0.39 ball chain at the base hobby shop . I had a friend in EOD, and he made a hole in each end of the L of the bracket. We looped the chain through it and I trotted back to the shop.

"What took you so long?"

"You didn't tell me what size, and they had to make up a universal-fit."

[AlaskaJack]

Not tool related, but:

First week of boot camp and I got "chosen" to be a firewatch. (there were four for our barracks as there were four companies quartered there)

Fire alarm goes off....

I looked at my instructions which said:
(1) call base fire department (the number were listed)
(2) call city fire department (the number was listed)
(3) evacuate
(4) blah, blah, blah... ad nauseum

So I did.....

Not long thereafter someone announced it was a drill.....

Then the fire trucks arrived from everywhere....

All of the brass was pissed....

They are probably still looking for whoever made that call!

[diverguy]

yep i have done the water pump scam also. i was a manager for Auto zone but started out at the bottom of the ladder. i used to love it when someone would come in asking me for the same and i would turn the joke on them. waist 30 or 40 min of their time ooking knowing all along there was no such thing. i would go in the back and bring hose after hose asking if it would work. we all got a good laugh.
another thing on another note was when some one would come in wanting a starter for a chevy, they would say "just give me one they are all the same". well no their not. i would always sell them the one that would not fit. hour later they returned the part and had all the info i needed to get them the right one. not all chevy started are the same.

[Bobgorilla]

i really enjoy going to the local auto parts chain store and asking for a lower rediator hose for a 72 VW beatle. almost always the say they dont have in stock but can order. i say ok lets order one. then they are either not available or on back order. i hvae them search other stores call around. usually teh manager or some older attendent catches on and they get a good laugh. it is really fun when i get three or four of them all trying their best to find on for me.

VW were air cooled and had no radiator. cold as all get out in the winter. no heater. i sometime ask for a heater core also. thermostat, anything radiator related.

In the exact opposite vein, I had a 1973 Toyota Celica that had a headlight solenoid and I used to have to get the parts guys to come out and look before they would believe me. And of course their answer was always must be dealer only part! And of course it was, but as a young E-3 in 1977 every dollar counted so I went the every local store before going to the dealers (the only recurring problem that car had, about every 6 months)

[AlaskaJack]

Oh... Almost forgot this one:

I got one of those $1,000,000 checks from Reader's Digest..... filled out a deposit slip and went to my bank.....
The teller was really flustered and went to the manager.... it was priceless, as I know the manager quite well and she played along for a while.... good times!

[doug hodder]

i really enjoy going to the local auto parts chain store and asking for a lower rediator hose for a 72 VW beatle.

Diverguy....I just go in and try to get about any part for a 59 Rambler and they look at me like I'm goofin on them..most of the young kids at the chain store auto stuff have never heard of one and usually ask if they can go check out the car...They think I'm yanking their chain...Doug

[Rob]

We have a 1961 MGA. There is no door handle on the outside - doors are smooth and are not designed to have handles. Years ago I drove it up to the tire store, ordered the tires, and sat near the car while waiting my turn. Some kid came out to drive the car on the rack. He just stood there dumbfounded not knowing how to get in the car. I couldn't even imagine what he would do when trying to start it by turning the key then pulling the starter. I asked him if he would mind if I drive it onto the rack - I had already made the arrangements with his boss. I think the kid is still scratching his head trying to figure out how I reached in, pulled the wire and opened the door.