Dear Friends - A true story... Continues & Conclusion

[Classic Finn]

Dear Friends

I need to tell you a true story... and I need advice - Seriously..

Way back in my teens I happened to find out that I had a long lost mom.
along with that a long lost half brother and sister..that I never saw or new.

I dont know wether to cry or dance or stand on my head. . I carried these thoughts in the back of my mind for years.. And even up till now..trying in vain to search for answers.
Without any real replies..or as to why .. what did I do? What happened, why so far away.. coming back to her homeland and not taking the time to find her son..I was under the age of 2 I guess..why my father didnt ever talk about it.. I find out thru total strangers that it is true and not a dream as I used to have..

I guess Im lost and totally confused, and I just couldnt keep it hidden, and believe me I cant .. so I thought that by writing this I may gain some understanding about the situation to me more..

and maybe some advice that I havent received..

You know folks that Im quite humerous and happy most of the time and energetic to keep on keepin on..

Well I finally met my mom once here in Finland.. after 6 years of her living here from far away.. Now I search for her once again only to find out she is in the hospital..maybe never to come home again..according to doctors..

I call and call and only to hear an answer from the nurse that she doesnt have the strength to talk..

Just yesterday I find out from the Social Service People that care for patients needs ...

to hear that she doesnt want me to come to the Hospital which is more than a 2 hour drive to see her..Am I shocked and devasted .. certainly.

after more than 48 years of her being out of my life and living in a far away land.. on the other side of the world Down Under.. Yes Australia

Now Ive been in contact for awhile to the girl that they call my Sister..
Same mom but different father..Ive never met her.. as also my Brother from Australia.

She will be arriving in Finland on Saturday our time around 0900 hrs.

Also I set up a Hotel for her to be at while being with (Our) mom..since
I cant be away for 10 days from home due to my own obligations and family..

Now I also offered to take her by car since she naturally dont know our Country nor Laguage or way to the Hospital..

By instant messaging I received that my so called long lost sister wants to go see her mother alone after I told her I would set things up..and I did do what I promised.

And now

I feel as though its like a conspiracy towards me in a way or am I taking this wrong even though I was told by Social Services that Im not welcome to visit our mother ...due to her wishes..

Sorry folks Im just devasted.. and hurt to say the least.. Ive met my mother only once and only by me going to find her here after finding out she has been back in Finland a long time and not being in contact with me ..

Am I to talk to Dr. Phil?? Or should I even go to the Airport to meet my so called sister for the 1st time?

What would you do in my situation..?

I know the world is full of stories and happenings to this nature but I feel like Im in shambles..

And Im no spring chicken to be crying but this has torn me inside out.

Ive hunted for my mom over 40 years.. and now this. Now I go meet my sister for the first time ever.. what do I say ? How am I to react?

Confusion confusion...

Best regards Classic Finn

PS I have had happier moments in my life..such as my own family and kids and teardrops and friends here on the Forum..but this seems to be taking over all of a sudden..

thats why I now share this with you..all.wether you know me or dont know me...

[Juneaudave]

Finn...I can't help ya, but I can sure feel your pain and confusion. I wish I could make it go away. You do know that the feelings that you have are "normal", and there is just no fixing "normal".

Thinking of you...Juneaudave

[Classic Finn]

Finn...I can't help ya, but I can sure feel your pain and confusion. I wish I could make it go away. You do know that the feelings that you have are "normal", and there is just no fixing "normal".

Thinking of you...Juneaudave

Juneaudave Thanks

I know Im a big boy.. and have been on my own since many moons in the Arctic...but having found the woman that everyone says is my real mom..to meet her once and now time is close at hand that I may lose her once again..

Not knowing much about her or finding out about my childhood ever..
is somthing just so unreal like a missing time piece or puzzle..that Ive tried to fit in its proper place for ages... or many Arctic Moons ago..

I guess that piece of the puzzle of my life may never be found.

Whew.. And now I have an arrival at the Airport Saturday..Meeting another total stranger but again a "Sister" with an Australian Accent..

Should I hold on to these thoughts or should I write it all off..

Classic Finn

[Mike C.]

Heikki,

I feel for you, I really do. It is a very tough situation to deal with and I must admit, I wouldn't want to go through it.

Maybe you should try and look at it from your mothers point of view. Maybe she looks bad in her condition and doesn't want you to see her like that. Or maybe she is feeling guilt for abandoning you and doesn't want to be reminded of that.

The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to try to become friends with your half brother and sister, and through them, let your mother know that you are there if she needs you. Other than that, just take it a day at a time, and hope and pray for the best outcome.

Miriam and I will be praying that this works out the best for you. Just hang in there.

[caseydog]

Heikk, I don't have the answers, but I do know there is only one person in the world that you have any real control over, and that is you.

If your mom does not want to see you, there could be any number of reasons why, but YOU did not cause this situation. Don't blame yourself.

And, your half sister is probably as confused as you are, so I wouldn't jump to conspiracy conclusions at this point. I would recommend that you continue to be kind and helpful to them, not expecting anything in return, but just because you can. Remember, you only have control of yourself, so be yourself -- the kind and generous person we all know.

As for what you should do, I don't think you will get good answers on an internet forum. Talk to your family and close friends whose judgement you trust, and opinions you respect.

And ask your self what YOU want. At some point, probably soon, you'll have to come to a decision as to what you need to do to be at peace. The first step is to know what you want. Then you can plan what to do.

I wish I knew the magic words to say to fix all this, but I don't.

[Classic Finn]

Heikki,

I feel for you, I really do. It is a very tough situation to deal with and I must admit, I wouldn't want to go through it.

Maybe you should try and look at it from your mothers point of view. Maybe she looks bad in her condition and doesn't want you to see her like that. Or maybe she is feeling guilt for abandoning you and doesn't want to be reminded of that.

The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to try to become friends with your half brother and sister, and through them, let your mother know that you are there if she needs you. Other than that, just take it a day at a time, and hope and pray for the best outcome.

Miriam and I will be praying that this works out the best for you. Just hang in there.

Thank You Very Much ... Im speechless to say the least... Ive carried these thoughts for sooooooo long.. it goes to show that Im not a tough cookie to handle all this type of walk in life too well..

Ive heard stories of other families and their endings and I know Im not alone.. but I never realized that it could affect a person so dramatically.

I just dont know what to say or do upon her arrival.. even though she,s family.

Ohhhboy.. Teardrops... yes... I mean no .. ok but on wheels and a towbar..

Im going to meet real Australian Family ... Now I know where the word Voyager comes from..

Classic Finn

[elmo]

Heikki,

I feel for you, I really do. It is a very tough situation to deal with and I must admit, I wouldn't want to go through it.

Maybe you should try and look at it from your mothers point of view. Maybe she looks bad in her condition and doesn't want you to see her like that. Or maybe she is feeling guilt for abandoning you and doesn't want to be reminded of that.

The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to try to become friends with your half brother and sister, and through them, let your mother know that you are there if she needs you. Other than that, just take it a day at a time, and hope and pray for the best outcome.

Miriam and I will be praying that this works out the best for you. Just hang in there.

Couldn't say it better than this...I will keep you in my thoughts.

[Classic Finn]

Heikk, I don't have the answers, but I do know there is only one person in the world that you have any real control over, and that is you.

If your mom does not want to see you, there could be any number of reasons why, but YOU did not cause this situation. Don't blame yourself.

And, your half sister is probably as confused as you are, so I wouldn't jump to conspiracy conclusions at this point.

As for what you should do, I don't think you will get good answers on an internet forum. Talk to your family and close friends whose judgement you trust, and opinions you respect.

And ask your self what YOU want. At some point, probably soon, you'll have to come to a decision as to what you need to do to be at peace. The first step is to know what you want. Then you can plan what to do.

I wish I knew the magic words to say to fix all this, but I don't.

caseydog

As a Sailor of the Seas I know Im the Captain of my own destiny also.
Such a sad thing though knowing that your mom is there but not knowing her as a person is somthing I guess I,ll never understand..

Also I can say that no I normally dont speak about it especially on a forum however there are good people here and also ones whose opinions and thoughts I respect ... Just my opinion...

this puzzle will never be solved most likely but not being able to tell your own children about Grandma or Grandpa really in my opinion is sad and they in turn miss out on somthing very special ..too so it affects a lot of people especially in the family ..and down to the children.

I dont know what else to say or do but go on living as it is meant to be.
All I know is I couldnt do it... and leave to the other side of the world while having little ones waiting and waiting for your return..

Ohhh Well ... Life must go on.. regardless.. And that I can do.. Just wished things were the opposite .. of what they are ..

Classic Finn

[Classic Finn]

Heikki,

I feel for you, I really do. It is a very tough situation to deal with and I must admit, I wouldn't want to go through it.

Maybe you should try and look at it from your mothers point of view. Maybe she looks bad in her condition and doesn't want you to see her like that. Or maybe she is feeling guilt for abandoning you and doesn't want to be reminded of that.

The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to try to become friends with your half brother and sister, and through them, let your mother know that you are there if she needs you. Other than that, just take it a day at a time, and hope and pray for the best outcome.

Miriam and I will be praying that this works out the best for you. Just hang in there.

Couldn't say it better than this...I will keep you in my thoughts.

Thanks Elmo

Sometimes the Seas are rough ... Most things in life Ive been able to handle quite well but these kind of things Nooooooooo..

I guess this is Gods plan whatever it may be..

Classic Finn

[mikeschn]

Well spoken Mike...

Heikki,

I feel for you too. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Mike...

Heikki,

I feel for you, I really do. It is a very tough situation to deal with and I must admit, I wouldn't want to go through it.

Maybe you should try and look at it from your mothers point of view. Maybe she looks bad in her condition and doesn't want you to see her like that. Or maybe she is feeling guilt for abandoning you and doesn't want to be reminded of that.

The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to try to become friends with your half brother and sister, and through them, let your mother know that you are there if she needs you. Other than that, just take it a day at a time, and hope and pray for the best outcome.

Miriam and I will be praying that this works out the best for you. Just hang in there.

[Classic Finn]

Well spoken Mike...

Heikki,

I feel for you too. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Mike...

Heikki,

I feel for you, I really do. It is a very tough situation to deal with and I must admit, I wouldn't want to go through it.

Maybe you should try and look at it from your mothers point of view. Maybe she looks bad in her condition and doesn't want you to see her like that. Or maybe she is feeling guilt for abandoning you and doesn't want to be reminded of that.

The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to try to become friends with your half brother and sister, and through them, let your mother know that you are there if she needs you. Other than that, just take it a day at a time, and hope and pray for the best outcome.

Miriam and I will be praying that this works out the best for you. Just hang in there.

Thank You Mike

Im trying my best to think of it from our moms side.. just seems so hard.. to understand also..

My heart is beating like a drum at a fast beat since going to the Airport
and meeting part family for the 1st time.. as well..and not knowing what to expect..

Gee.

Why Me Lord...

Classic Finn

[Bobgorilla]

Heikki, my gut feeling is Uncle Mike is correct. My dad's father left when he was 13 and emigrated to New Zealand. They didn't speak for 40 years and I only got to meet him once when I was about 27. I have met my aunt once (she's only 2 years older than me) and one of her children my cousin spent 3 years here on a work visa so I got to spend some time with him and his wife but it all still seems a little awkward. Good Luck is about all I can add.

[Italia]

Heikki my friend,
As you know I have a similar family revelations. Finally the pain and sense of loss were more than I could bare, and I attempted to contact them but they were unwilling to converse with me. I then wrote to the family members a letter including questions that I had concerning the handling of the situation , revealing my feelings of loss and pain . It was a way for me to take control of the situation and to validate my very existence to these people that I was related to, regardless of the painful circumstances for both families.
Write to your family and I'm not even suggesting that you send it to them, as a way to cleanse and empower yourself. As you know your birth mother was just that, she gave life and nothing else. A real mother is one who nurtures and encourages you, a mother who is always there for you. I realized that I really only missed missed the fact that I didn't have a traditional family, I couldn't really miss a person that I really never knew.
The loss you feel is the pain a child would feel." I wonder what I did?" You of course could have done nothing to influence her decisions. Please know
that this suggestion comes from my heart and as I said this is just a suggestion. Peace and Rest---
your friend,
Chris

[Dean in Eureka, CA]

Heikki,
Quite a heartfelt story to share... Thanks for being open to share this with your friends here on the forum.
I feel for you... It's like being so close, yet so far.
My son has lived an experience somewhat like yours as his biological father never wanted nothing to do with him, even at my pleading with him to let his boy look into his eyes and see first hand where he came from.
Sadly my son will never get that chance now as his bio dad died from cancer...
I can't speak for myself about what you should do, but once my son accepted the fact that his bio dad wanted nothing to do with him, he seemed to get along with things quite well.... He told me that he was thankful he had a dad... Me.
I've been very open with him over the years how things played out and he and I are very close... Much closer than his sister and I, who is my biological daughter...
My hunch is that my son would probably advise you to just let it go...
Their loss, not yours....

[Italia]

Heikki,
When you meet your siblings just do and say what feels right. Listen to your inner self. They are going to feel awkward also

Chris