Dear Friends - A true story... Continues & Conclusion

[Miriam C.]

Heikki, What Mike said! With a codicil. Fifty years ago so many things were so very different. Until you know the circumstances of your birth, you should just look in the mirror and see that whatever happened you have grown into a wonderful man and someone to be proud to be related to...

It is possible that your mom didn't have a lot of choices back then. It is possible she just made a different decision than you would have made.

As for your sister and brother... You are well aware of how valuable family is. Try to enjoy them if they will let you. They are probably as confused and hurt as you are. Be the big brother if you can.

I can't picture you going against a loved parents wishes so you probably shouldn't expect that of your sister. I know that might hurt a lot, but it is what you would do. At least untill you had more answers.

Praying for you and your family.

[Boodro]

Heikki my friend , sorry to hear about your most confusing situation . I agree with a lot of what had been said already, & I don't think I can add anything to it to help you. What I will do is keep you in my prayers for ,strength , wisdom ,patience, compassion, & knowledge . I will include your mother & sister & brother also that they reach out to you. I can't even begin to fathom the thoughts that would go thru a mans head upon hearing of this situation. I do know that if we seek an answer from Him , He will provide. It may not always be apparent at the time we are looking for , or the answer we are looking for but it will come. As was suggested , I agree that you be your usual happy ,caring self & I believe that you will find that your sister & brother are as just as confused & anxious as you are. So go forth brother TD'r & put forth the hand of friendship & may God bless you & your family .

[Catoosa Grani]

Heikki, I have read what everyone has written and I realize we can do nothing but be there for you my friend. We can make suggestions but no one knows what they would do unless they have been there. If it were me I would welcome my "sister" with a hug and let her go from there. I am afraid I would have to go see my mother even if it meant standing in the door and not letting her know I was there. That would be for me only.
Like the others said, you don't know why she feels this way but know it is not your fault. I do hope you get some closure, maybe from talking to your sister. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and with all the others doing the same thing, I feel you will have help of some kind.

Grani Betty

[Eunice]

Heikki,
When you meet your siblings just do and say what feels right. Listen to your inner self. They are going to feel awkward also

Chris

Heikki you are a wonderful kind loving man and that will come through. Just try and be yourself. You will know what to do and say when you see your sister. you are in my prayers and thoughts

[Mary K]

Oh Heikki, It breaks my heart to know you are hurting.

I honestly can not offer any more advice than the others here have already offered. But know this, you have a HUGE family right here on this forum that care about you and would welcome you around their campfire with open arms. Me included.

I hope you find the peace in your heart you so deserve, and here is a start, you and Suvi go to your boys and pick them both up. Gather every one in your arms and have a GREAT BIG HUGE GROUP HUG and give them all so many smooches they will be embarrised!

Mary with a K.

[Micro469]

Heikki, I feel for you. My brotherinlaw met his birth mother a few years back, and it was a good reunion. His father on the other hand won't even give him the time of day. Each family tree is different, and people have a hard time facing their past. I understand your need to be with your mother, but you don't know what she is feeling at this time.
As for your half sister.. yes, meet her at the airport, take her to the hotel, maybe even go have dinner with her. It might be easier if you take your wife along, maybe not so threatening. Talk to her.. maybe she knows the family history. Ask her to talk to your mother, tell her the past isn't important, but the "now" is. Maybe she will tell you what happened so many years ago.
You seem to indicate that you were raised by your father.. is this right? Is he still alive? Perhaps he will tell what happened.. enough time has passed...
Regardless if your mother will see you or not, your half sister and brother are family. Tell them you want to keep in touch.. welcome them into your family.
I hope and pray for the best..... let us know how it turns out.

[sledge]

This story broke my heart Heikki , I also have bad family problems. They are so hard to fix, And Can't be fixed unless both sides want them fixed. I wish you well , and hope you get things worked out. Good Luck.

[martha24]

Heikki,
What a tough thing to have to go though, I wouldn't wish it on anybody. Too bad people weren't willing to tell you what happened so many years ago, probably a lot of pain all the way around. I think so much of your pain has to come from feeling abandoned. They say it is harder for a child to get over feeling abandoned than the death of a parent. Just remember none of it was your fault nor was it because you weren't lovable or any other such thing. It has to do with your bio mom & what happened so many years ago and what she was capable of doing.
Italia & Dean gave some excellent advice & they would know best having either lived though it or having a child go though it.
My thoughts & prayers are with you.

[caseydog]

My heart is beating like a drum at a fast beat since going to the Airport
and meeting part family for the 1st time.. as well..and not knowing what to expect..

Gee.

Why Me Lord...

Classic Finn

Heikki, it is not a tryout. Family is family, no matter what you say or do. Just be yourself. I think you are a pretty cool dude, so just be you.

As for this being "God's plan", I'm not a big believer in that stuff. People told me that when I got cancer, and I had a hard time believing "God" would pick me out of the masses to get cancer.

We are all human -- you, your mom, your half-sister -- everyone involved.

Maybe you just trust your judgement as much as some of us do. Maybe the secret is to live in the moment and let them all see the Heikki we have come to know.

CD

[Classic Finn]

Dear friends

First off I want to thank you for all the wisdom and thoughts you also are willing to share with me..this comes from the heart..

Also I know time will take care of hurt and pain.. One thing is that Im ok .
I have a loving family of my own and I know I wont let history repeat itself with my children no matter what..

I just cant see them going thru the same things as I have ..and I wont let that happen..each day with the kids means more than gold or silver..priceless..

Im a lucky guy to have my own family that is loving and strong..

Also Im very lucky to have you folks as my friends even though your far away.. but close also in the same way..

Other than this situation Im normally a happy humerous and positive in my thinking and ways..

And it helps.. also with a little craziness and silliness as you have noticed.

And I,ll continue that way..

I received a phone call from my uncle about this and he said.. let it go..
There is no history in the past... live for today and tomorrow.. and thats well said..

I wont continue this thread but I,ll leave it for thought.. and remember what you my friends have also stated..

Im really glad to have you here on this Special Forum..it is my belief there is no other place like this..

Friendly and family oriented.. thats why I wrote this topic here.. if it was any other I would never have..

Thanks for being my friends.. I value that..
as I have from the start..

Ive got a tear to Finnish Building.. Camping with the family

Thank You Everyone..

Regards Classic Finn and Family

[Mike C.]

Heikki,

How are you feeling today, buddy? Have you worked out in your mind yet , how you are going to handle the situation? Just saw this thread again and thought I would ask.

Stay in touch. And try to keep smiling.

[Classic Finn]

Heikki,

How are you feeling today, buddy? Have you worked out in your mind yet , how you are going to handle the situation? Just saw this thread again and thought I would ask.

Stay in touch. And try to keep smiling.

Thank You Mike

Im fine .. and all is well.. I was advised that dont dwell on it.. it,ll drive you crazy as it has already.. let go and love your own family as you do and have..

Im definitely ok no worries there.. After reading these several times over I know Im not alone in these situations.. Thank God for that..

Ohh and yes Im still the humerous guy I was.. and building on the tear again this evening.. tomorrow we go to the Airport to see .. who this gal is with an Aussie accent ..

Thanks for the kind words..

Best wishes to you as well.

Heikki

[elmo]

Just in case it is hard or uncomfortable to start up a conversation...be sure to bring pictures of your teardrop. Who wouldn't want to talk about that? Then maybe PaulC could help her build her very own once she gets home.

Still wishing you the best!

[Classic Finn]

Oh Heikki, It breaks my heart to know you are hurting.

I honestly can not offer any more advice than the others here have already offered. But know this, you have a HUGE family right here on this forum that care about you and would welcome you around their campfire with open arms. Me included.

I hope you find the peace in your heart you so deserve, and here is a start, you and Suvi go to your boys and pick them both up. Gather every one in your arms and have a GREAT BIG HUGE GROUP HUG and give them all so many smooches they will be embarrised!

Mary with a K.

Thanks A heap Mary K

Your a Sweetie..If I may say so ..

If this is all that has happened to me Im lucky..I have my health and own family.. thats a gift in itself..

Regards Heikki

[Classic Finn]

Just in case it is hard or uncomfortable to start up a conversation...be sure to bring pictures of your teardrop. Who wouldn't want to talk about that? Then maybe PaulC could help her build her very own once she gets home.

Still wishing you the best!

Thank You Elmo
I,ll have to remember that.. I think its a far drive from Melbourne to Adelaide but who knows maybe Paul could do if she is interested..

Classic Finn