Dear Friends - A true story... Continues & Conclusion

[Classic Finn]

Heikki, I feel for you. My brotherinlaw met his birth mother a few years back, and it was a good reunion. His father on the other hand won't even give him the time of day. Each family tree is different, and people have a hard time facing their past. I understand your need to be with your mother, but you don't know what she is feeling at this time.
As for your half sister.. yes, meet her at the airport, take her to the hotel, maybe even go have dinner with her. It might be easier if you take your wife along, maybe not so threatening. Talk to her.. maybe she knows the family history. Ask her to talk to your mother, tell her the past isn't important, but the "now" is. Maybe she will tell you what happened so many years ago.
You seem to indicate that you were raised by your father.. is this right? Is he still alive? Perhaps he will tell what happened.. enough time has passed...
Regardless if your mother will see you or not, your half sister and brother are family. Tell them you want to keep in touch.. welcome them into your family.
I hope and pray for the best..... let us know how it turns out.

Yes Sir John

I was raised by my father.. and a good one at that.. but he dont want to speak about it and I guess its due to the hurt involved maybe and the thoughts of bringing it back up again..

I know that they were very young.. so maybe thats it... too young to be adults.. who knows..I was under 2 or there abouts..

both are way over there 70,s..now..or just a tad under..

Heikki

[Classic Finn]

Heikki my friend , sorry to hear about your most confusing situation . I agree with a lot of what had been said already, & I don't think I can add anything to it to help you. What I will do is keep you in my prayers for ,strength , wisdom ,patience, compassion, & knowledge . I will include your mother & sister & brother also that they reach out to you. I can't even begin to fathom the thoughts that would go thru a mans head upon hearing of this situation. I do know that if we seek an answer from Him , He will provide. It may not always be apparent at the time we are looking for , or the answer we are looking for but it will come. As was suggested , I agree that you be your usual happy ,caring self & I believe that you will find that your sister & brother are as just as confused & anxious as you are. So go forth brother TD'r & put forth the hand of friendship & may God bless you & your family .

Boodro Thank You for your prayers.. they are useful for sure..

Heikki

[Classic Finn]

Heikki,
When you meet your siblings just do and say what feels right. Listen to your inner self. They are going to feel awkward also

Chris

Heikki you are a wonderful kind loving man and that will come through. Just try and be yourself. You will know what to do and say when you see your sister. you are in my prayers and thoughts

Eunice Im embarrassed I do my best to be ..

I,ll let you know what comes out of it..

If the accent isnt tough to understand.. I may need translations from Paul C.. Mates..

Heikki

[Classic Finn]

This story broke my heart Heikki , I also have bad family problems. They are so hard to fix, And Can't be fixed unless both sides want them fixed. I wish you well , and hope you get things worked out. Good Luck.

Sledge

This sounds like a country song dont it? I,ll keep on keepin on..best of my ability..

Your correct as what you say.. as many others here..

Thank You Sledge..

Heikki

[Classic Finn]

Heikki,
What a tough thing to have to go though, I wouldn't wish it on anybody. Too bad people weren't willing to tell you what happened so many years ago, probably a lot of pain all the way around. I think so much of your pain has to come from feeling abandoned. They say it is harder for a child to get over feeling abandoned than the death of a parent. Just remember none of it was your fault nor was it because you weren't lovable or any other such thing. It has to do with your bio mom & what happened so many years ago and what she was capable of doing.
Italia & Dean gave some excellent advice & they would know best having either lived though it or having a child go though it.
My thoughts & prayers are with you.

Martha I guess the only thing I will do as been said is .. When things get tough the tough get goin??

I reckon I was too young to understand no doubt but it caught up with me later in life.. and after that its been on my mind since.. to this very day.

Its like the weather it comes and goes meaning the thoughts.. and my partial Sister coming here just struck me like lightning out of the sky..

But Im willing to bet she is as nervous as what to expect from us..

I,ll let you know..

Thanks Martha

Regards Heikki

[swissarmygirl]

I don't have any answers, just want you to know that I know how you feel, as I have a similar situation with my father.

One thing that I often wonder is what would I do if I picked up the newspaper one day to find his name in the obituaries? I suppose I could only mourn what could have been.....?

But, try to remember, all these experiences in life (good and bad, happy and sad), all add up to making you the person that you are. So, never ever regret a thing, especially the things that are out of your hands. Thinking that way helps me sometimes.

[Kurt (Indiana)]

Heikki, any words that I can add will do nothing to solve the issue. I can't even imagine what you are going through but I feel blessed that you feel the confidence and bond to share this with these forum members.
Sharing your personal experience as you have means a lot to me and I'm sure the rest of the forum members as well.

I wouldn't know what to do either. I guess that it depends on your personal drive to continue the search for the visit with your Mom and sister.

My mother was adopted and searched for over sixty years for her biological parents and the answers to her questions. She never found the answers.

Don't give up on yourself. Do what's in your heart. We are here to support you.

[Joseph]

Heikki I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said except thank you for sharing this. It makes me all the more grateful for the family blessings I enjoy.

May God bless you and yours...

Joseph

[Classic Finn]

I don't have any answers, just want you to know that I know how you feel, as I have a similar situation with my father.

One thing that I often wonder is what would I do if I picked up the newspaper one day to find his name in the obituaries? I suppose I could only mourn what could have been.....?

But, try to remember, all these experiences in life (good and bad, happy and sad), all add up to making you the person that you are. So, never ever regret a thing, especially the things that are out of your hands. Thinking that way helps me sometimes.

Swissarmygirl Greetings..

Ive read your post or reply manytimes in the last few minutes and Ive wondered about the same thing..

I can handle rough and dangerous seas as in my profession but these I cant handle at all it seems..my downfall..

Thats a good way of thinking as you say..

Thanks for your reply..

Regards Classic Finn of the Far Nort..

[Classic Finn]

Heikki I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said except thank you for sharing this. It makes me all the more grateful for the family blessings I enjoy.

May God bless you and yours...

Joseph

Very nice words from so many..here.

Thank You Joseph..

Regards and Sincere Thanks..as to all of you ..

Heikki

[Classic Finn]

Heikki, any words that I can add will do nothing to solve the issue. I can't even imagine what you are going through but I feel blessed that you feel the confidence and bond to share this with these forum members.
Sharing your personal experience as you have means a lot to me and I'm sure the rest of the forum members as well.

I wouldn't know what to do either. I guess that it depends on your personal drive to continue the search for the visit with your Mom and sister.

My mother was adopted and searched for over sixty years for her biological parents and the answers to her questions. She never found the answers.

Don't give up on yourself. Do what's in your heart. We are here to support you.

Kurt Wow searching for 60 years is a longtime.. to try to put the puzzle of life together.. I guess non of us are professionals in these type of circumstances but only to do what is right and go on living..

Its around the Holidays that can be rough especially when I see and hear that so many oar going to Grandms and Grandpas and and so on..

But yes thank you for the support.. you folks are special here.. and I know youve been and are around for many things..Im thankful..

One thing Im proud of is that I dont hit the bottle for problems as many do and have done here in Scandinavia and I guess all over for that matter..

Its not worth it.. If I have a glass of or a party pop its not for sorrow or pain.. by no means..

Im fine though .. no worries there..

Thank You for being a great friend with the rest of the folks here..I also value that more than anyone knows..

regards Classic Finn

[CASHCOW]

My heart and prayers go out to you. I cant begin to understand on a personal level but I do know that God has a purpose and that in His time you will come to accept whatever is to be. Forgiveness is the key to peace. Even though it is difficult to understand the "whys" of someone's actions, I do know from personal experience that forgiveness is the key to finding the peace you so desparately seek about the situation with your mom and her other life. Hnag in there.....you have many friends who are lifting you up in prayer.

Good luck......

[Arne]

Heikki, I will give you my take on your situation and what I would do if it was me.

First, I would be as nice about it as possible. Second, I would think about what would make me the most happy in an unhappy situation....

So, I would do the best I could with your sister, but not let her dictate your actions. I would go and see your Mother (I would talk to social services directly about why you are not allowed to and maybe change their minds; it can't hurt to try). Now, she may or may not want to see you, but I would still go and say hello if possible.

Unless she is in intensive care, as harsh as this may sound, I would still walk by her room (if YOU think this would make you feel better).

Mainly because, I would not want to live the rest of my life knowing I had the chance and I did not take it because of what other people said. After you get there, if she still does not want to see you.. at least you tried and you did get to see her however briefly. Better to live with more rejection than knowing you did not take advantage of the opportunity.

If your sister says you should not go, tell her that is not her decision to make.

If this all fails, you can breath easier knowing you did all you could do and that might be the best you can ask for now. But letting everyone else tell you what to do will leave you with a bigger empty spot.

And, there is always the chance your mother will be glad you came. You do not know now what she is saying what she is saying.

So, your choices are to let them tell you what to do and wonder about it for the rest of your life... or try and at least know YOU did what you could.

It is a lousy situation, but you have to figure out what is the best for you right now, not for them...... You have your strength and my best wishes for the best outcome possible..... your friend, Arne

[Ira]

Holy s***:

I took off work Friday and haven't visited this site, so I totally missed this thread.

I can't give you the "God has a purpose" theory because you know that I don't believe that, but I'll echo what Eunice wrote above:

"Heikki, you are a wonderful kind loving man and that will come through."

So then again, maybe I'm WRONG, and what's happened to you in the past DID make you the unbelievable person you are that everyone loves--and that was God's plan!

So what the hell am I saying? Well, I have no idea at all.

Let me just say that I wish you no pain, only happiness…hoping that this experience can turn into a positive one…and that you don't use this as an excuse for not finishing your TD.

I hope I got a LITTLE laugh out of you from that line, okay? Because you know that's all I meant to do, right?

To you, Heikki--ALL of us only wish you the best!!!

[jay]

i think doing what is in Your heart, despite the wishes of others, will help see you through. and it will offer consolation when this storm has passed.

perhaps the "silver lining" is meeting the brother and sister you never knew. and the reinforcing appreciation you have for your immediate family.

good luck!