Best of Craigslist funny!

[Ma3tt]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/

I have been collecting some myself I like this one.

Free Ghost to good home

Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2007-12-30, 3:55PM PST

Free Ghost!!! Please take whatever spirit or goblin that is hiding in the closet that is preventing somebody from renting the room in my house. Im guessing that it is the ghost of some old drywall factory since the drywall is apparently keeping them here. Maybe injured on the job or something. The ghost is not a bother at all. In fact he/she has never done anything to bother me other than scaring away all of the good rental candidates.

Ideal ghost handler candidate(s) should be able to

a) take ghost in container of some sort - Possibly tupperware or drywall.
b) Have own transportation - the ghost knows my car I think and won't take kindly to being driven from the premesis in my car. Your car would just confuse them.
c) have a partner. They should pretend to be renters so that when they say "Wow...what a great place you have" the ghost would come out and you could trap the ghost in your container
d) Must have a place for the ghost to live. I wouldn't want the little guy to be homeless...

If you think you could use a ghost to keep potential renters away, send me an email and we can set up a time so that you can take this thing away!!


• Location: Limbo
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

[FireLion]

Egad! Say "Beetlejuice" 3 times!!!

[Miriam C.]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cos/646113248.html
Ira, is that you?

[halfdome, Danny]

Thanks for the link.
I liked the "For Sale Slightly Used Wife" one Danny

[Jiminsav]

I ROTFLMAO when I read this.
I have a mastiff with a problem--I fear for my life
Date: 2007-12-10, 6:43PM EST


I have a male Cane Corso/English Mastiff who we will call "Petey" (this could damage his reputation). He will be 2 in March and, at 140 lbs, is still growing. He's the best dog in the world--friendly, energetic (yet will take naps with me, his sleep-deprived mom), and he loves his brother, a Chihuahua. He's never chewed on anything that I own (which is good, because I think he could fit my entire dresser in his mouth. Including the lamp.) But, we do have a serious problem.

Petey is...flatulent. To an extreme degree. Now, I know a lot of you out there are saying, "Hey, my dog (husband/boyfriend) farts all the time, so what's the problem?" I don't know how to explain it, but the best way to describe Petey's gaseous expulsions is with this word: "heavy". Like a dense fog settling on the mountains, Petey's farts will settle in the lower 3' of the room--about the altitude I inhabit while asleep. Thus, I fear that he may kill me (accidentally, I hope) in my sleep. Let me explain how the routine (when you go through this about 100 times a day, you make a routine) works:

-I'm in bed, innocently typing on the computer when I hear it: "FFFWWWWWPPPPPP"
-I look over at Petey, who was asleep next to my bed, and he is now fixated on his butt, with a look of confusion and wonder ("What was that!? Where did it go?").
-Petey looks up at me (no doubt wondering if I saw the little creature that he thinks ran out of his butt while he wasn't looking), and, after taking in my terrified gaze, thinks that he has done something HORRIFYING and he must move away from me before I yell at him.
-Petey jumps to his feet as I throw my comforter over my head to prevent my eyes from watering due to the noxious gas. In his attempt to slink out of the room unnoticed, he has shaken his intestines, which, in response, proceed to expel gas with his every step. In his mind, lots of little butt-dwelling critters are escaping, foiling his stealthy exit. I have yet to break it to him that he isn't stealthy at all, with or without the butt-dwelling critters.
-Hearing him exit the room, I crack the window behind my bed and shove my head out. 3 minutes later, I am in the clear. I shut the window and continue on with my work--shaken, but alive.

(At times I will get up to find him in another room, intently staring at his butt in hopes of catching one of those pesky critters.)

I live in fear. These are SO BAD that I actually wake up in the middle of the night. Please, does anyone have any sort of home remedy? I've changed his food, stopped giving him rawhide, tried to eliminate tasty treats that I know cause gas in humans (cheese, anyone?)--everything I can think of, but my life is still on the line! I am a student, so money is tight, please keep this in mind!
Thanks!



* Location: Fredericksburg
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


PostingID: 505190510

[Nitetimes]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cos/646113248.html
Ira, is that you?

What is really amusing about this one is he has three pink flamingos, mom, dad and two kids. New math???

[cs_whypt2]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cos/646113248.html
Ira, is that you?

What is really amusing about this one is he has three pink flamingos, mom, dad and two kids. New math???

What??
1+1+2=3 right??


Dianne

[Mark & Andrea Jones]

I ROTFLMAO when I read this.
I have a mastiff with a problem--I fear for my life
Date: 2007-12-10, 6:43PM EST


I have a male Cane Corso/English Mastiff who we will call "Petey" (this could damage his reputation). He will be 2 in March and, at 140 lbs, is still growing. He's the best dog in the world--friendly, energetic (yet will take naps with me, his sleep-deprived mom), and he loves his brother, a Chihuahua. He's never chewed on anything that I own (which is good, because I think he could fit my entire dresser in his mouth. Including the lamp.) But, we do have a serious problem.

Petey is...flatulent. To an extreme degree. Now, I know a lot of you out there are saying, "Hey, my dog (husband/boyfriend) farts all the time, so what's the problem?" I don't know how to explain it, but the best way to describe Petey's gaseous expulsions is with this word: "heavy". Like a dense fog settling on the mountains, Petey's farts will settle in the lower 3' of the room--about the altitude I inhabit while asleep. Thus, I fear that he may kill me (accidentally, I hope) in my sleep. Let me explain how the routine (when you go through this about 100 times a day, you make a routine) works:

-I'm in bed, innocently typing on the computer when I hear it: "FFFWWWWWPPPPPP"
-I look over at Petey, who was asleep next to my bed, and he is now fixated on his butt, with a look of confusion and wonder ("What was that!? Where did it go?").
-Petey looks up at me (no doubt wondering if I saw the little creature that he thinks ran out of his butt while he wasn't looking), and, after taking in my terrified gaze, thinks that he has done something HORRIFYING and he must move away from me before I yell at him.
-Petey jumps to his feet as I throw my comforter over my head to prevent my eyes from watering due to the noxious gas. In his attempt to slink out of the room unnoticed, he has shaken his intestines, which, in response, proceed to expel gas with his every step. In his mind, lots of little butt-dwelling critters are escaping, foiling his stealthy exit. I have yet to break it to him that he isn't stealthy at all, with or without the butt-dwelling critters.
-Hearing him exit the room, I crack the window behind my bed and shove my head out. 3 minutes later, I am in the clear. I shut the window and continue on with my work--shaken, but alive.

(At times I will get up to find him in another room, intently staring at his butt in hopes of catching one of those pesky critters.)

I live in fear. These are SO BAD that I actually wake up in the middle of the night. Please, does anyone have any sort of home remedy? I've changed his food, stopped giving him rawhide, tried to eliminate tasty treats that I know cause gas in humans (cheese, anyone?)--everything I can think of, but my life is still on the line! I am a student, so money is tight, please keep this in mind!
Thanks!



* Location: Fredericksburg
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


PostingID: 505190510

Yep, me too!

AndreaJ