Can I ask you guys some advice?

[MSG Hall]

I talk on a few different forums, one is a gun forum. I mentioned on there that when I get home from this deployment that I would like to fix up an old gun. To buy one cheap and fix it and refinish it, to make it perfect and unique.

I went back and forth on what kind and finely settled on a combat style 1911 .45 ACP. I mentioned this and asked for some general advice.

I got an email the other day, from a Forum regular; I have talked to him on the forum for a couple of years now. Anyway he has a gun that would be perfect; he was going to do the same thing I am going to do… he said that he can’t and wont be building this gun and hates to see it just sit.

He offered to send it to me (when I get home), and then I could send him what I thought was fair. I didn’t like this arrangement. While I am an honorable man, the potential for hurt feelings and bad blood it just too great. I told him to tell me what he had and we could come to a price before hand.

He listed over $1200. worth of parts and said there were more… I told him his idea, and my idea of “cheap” isn’t anywhere near the same. I thanked him kindly and that was that.

Well I got an email today and he said that he understood and that he wants to give the gun to me free of charge. I want the gun, but I can’t do that. His email said he’d be insulted if I refused or if I sent him any money… I am in a real quandary here. I mean I have to refuse. All I could possible give him would be about $500. and that’s my whole gun budget.

Lester on this very board (thank you again - everyone that sent me stuff for the bike) was kind enough to send me a bicycle out here and I have put a lot of miles on it too. But I have felt guilty over that bike ever since I got it. Ok, I’m a Soldier and I am far from home. I thank you all for your thanks, but that is all I ever wanted from anyone. I am not looking for hand outs or to “cash in” on peoples good will…

But I still want the gun… what would you do?

[del]

MSG Hall I think you said it well, the part about the bicycle is a good example. Tell him what you said to us.
Ever consider a 357?

del

[Dean_A]

Bruce,
Perhaps you can make a $500 donation in his name to a church or charity that you can both agree on? You feel good because you didn't take a handout. He feels good because he didn't accept any money for his gift, and you both feel good that you were able to help out some folks less fortunate than yourselves.
You both seem like real stand-up guys.

[tonyj]

A neighbor down the street will work his butt off helping his neighbors with their projects, but refuses to accept any help when working on his own. He frustrates the hell out of us who want to repay his effort, generous nature, and friendship.

I understand very well your hesitation. Accepting someone's generosity with little or no payment in return presents a dilemma. As you know, the value of an object in one person's hands is hardly ever the same value to someone else--the same amount can be chump change or a treasure trove depending on whose hands its in.

I can't advise you what to do, but if you accept his no-cost gift, thank him and assure him that when you are ready to part with this gift, you will make every effort to pass along his generosity to someone else in a similar fashion. In that way, you can have full enjoyment of being presented this gift, know that you have given joy to someone else by allowing them to show their generous nature. In the future you will also take great satisfaction in generously passing along the gift to someone you know who will fully appreciate the gift you given to them (at little or no cost).

Just my thoughts on the matter . . .

[Juneaudave]

A neighbor down the street will work his butt off helping his neighbors with their projects, but refuses to accept any help when working on his own. He frustrates the hell out of us who want to repay his effort, generous nature, and friendship.

I understand very well your hesitation. Accepting someone's generosity with little or no payment in return presents a dilemma. As you know, the value of an object in one person's hands is hardly ever the same value to someone else--the same amount can be chump change or a treasure trove depending on whose hands its in.

I can't advise you what to do, but if you accept his no-cost gift, thank him and assure him that when you are ready to part with this gift, you will make every effort to pass along his generosity to someone else in a similar fashion. In that way, you can have full enjoyment of being presented this gift, know that you have given joy to someone else by allowing them to show their generous nature. In the future you will also take great satisfaction in generously passing along the gift to someone you know who will fully appreciate the gift you given to them (at little or no cost).

Just my thoughts on the matter . . .

I think Tonyj is spot on!!! Ya know, if I could add something...being fifty+...the cyber friends from BBSs are usually people that share common interests and they get to be as "real" as your next door neighbor. If you have had a dialog for a couple of years, I would guess that the gift is not something to "reward" a fella for doing your work, but more in line with sharing and continueing to build a relationship. If relationships aren't "ok" , say thanks but no thanks...if this is a shared common interest and you won't feel in debt..I say go for it!!!

[planovet]

Ever consider a 357?

Personally I think the 1911 .45 ACP is an excellent choice (I love mine). The .357 has great stopping power but that is a whole different thread. You can buy a pretty nice gun for $500 but that's a bit much for a "fixer upper". I have several handguns (Colts, S&Ws, Glocks) and I've never paid more than $450 for one.

But I'm the same when it comes to things like you describe, I would feel guilty if someone would just give it to me. If I didn't send him anything, the guilt (I don't know if guilt is the best word) would eat me up. And I don't know if I would spend my entire budget when I could probably find something cheaper down the road. If it was me, I would decline and keep looking. But, that's just my .02

[planovet]

Of course Bruce, it could be that you are just not looking in the right places...

[dhazard]

Can you come up with some unique souvenir from Iraq that you can trade?
Maybe a cute little spider?

[Jiminsav]

Bruce, offer to pay for the shipping, and then make a donation in his name to the M.W.R.

and I see where some of the 10th mountain is being sent down here to Hunter Army Airfield in exchange for some of our Apaches....you gonna move south?

[cuyeda]

If you REALLY want the item, and he is willing to give it to you. Start a friendly dialogue, find out what his interests are. Does he have family, etc... You won't know what it is really worth until you recieve it. Once you do receive it, determine a value, or your budget that you were willling to send him. Then send it! Remember, he is not expecting any payment. Or, send him a gift of value as a token of appreciation. Perhaps a gift for his wife, or family you will get ideas from the conversations you have.

[Claw]

My advice would be to refuse the offer and search out something that you can call your own. You have a budget and a desire for this hobby. Use that budget and desire to locate something unattached that will provide fulfilment.

The reasoning behind my advise is that when a gift is accepted then forever the giftgiver has an attachment. Ask yourself if that offered gift would have been made generally or if it was made only to you because it provides something to the giver in return. Consider the fact of your honorable service to our country as something of value to which the giver can attach himself. The cost, this attachment, may seem like nothing however there is a cost, and as someone who values the intangables such as honor then maybe with a little consideration the cost may become apparent. Also how do you dispose of the item after it no longer fulfills.

[Miriam C.]

Sarge, you have not seen this gun, right. And he has a box of parts, right. And he knows you have $500, right. And he knows you will feel honor bound to pay it even if it is junk when you get it or look bad on the other web site---is that right?

There are gifts you can accept with honor and the giver just be a wonderful generous person. This guy wanted $1,200 for a box of parts??? I will have my brother in law get in touch with you. He is training as a gun smith and hangs out with a bunch of Vets who really know their stuff.

[SuperTroll]

Remember the promise

If you have ever seen a simple white business card with this printed on it...you know how it works.

when you do something for someone, and they ask how much they owe you, state simply: "nothing - But....if you feel the need to repay me, simply make me a promise....to help three people whenever/however you can, and in return, simply ask for the same promise."

Folks, the world does not have to be the way it is, and it can change, if we all just take the time to stop and do the right thing.....

Remember the promise

I have a simple white business card I hand to folks at times.....

When you benifit from someones generosity or kindness, the best way to repay it is to quietly pass it on....

[07rascal]

Remember the promise

If you have ever seen a simple white business card with this printed on it...you know how it works.

when you do something for someone, and they ask how much they owe you, state simply: "nothing - But....if you feel the need to repay me, simply make me a promise....to help three people whenever/however you can, and in return, simply ask for the same promise."

Folks, the world does not have to be the way it is, and it can change, if we all just take the time to stop and do the right thing.....

Remember the promise

I have a simple white business card I hand to folks at times.....

When you benifit from someones generosity or kindness, the best way to repay it is to quietly pass it on....

Well said!

Sad fact nowadays is we all expect there to be strings attached to any good deed, when in fact there are some of us that do nice things for the simple reason that we want to. We all get so guarded that no one does anything for anyone else. Shame. Our request to someone that wants to pay us back for helping them out is simply to please help out the next person that you come across that needs it. Pass it on.

Only advice to give is, follow your gut feeling. First impressions are usually the best. Also, on a topic that was not touched on yet....I would be assured that the weapon had a nice and clean record before I accepted it, no matter what vintage it is.

Thank you for your service, that in itself is a testament to you and your family!

Terry & Lisa

[Micro469]

He said he can't build this gun and hates to see it sit..... Why can't he build it? doesn't know how, too old , sick..... there could be a number of reasons. He's willing to give it to you because he wants to see the gun built. If he dies in the near future, you can be guaranteed all his "junk" will be tossed in the nearest landfill by his relatives.
Receiving gifts from people shouldn't make you feel guilty. It happens every birthday, father's day, christmas, anniversary, etc... It makes people feel good to do something nice for other people. Take your bike for instance.... Everyone got together and built you one not because you are poor, (I'm not saying you are poor), not because you are serving your country..(Heck, you're not the only one..) but because someone they know had a need, and they could fullfill that need without a lot of sacrifice.. They all had parts laying around they wern't using and besides... It made them feel good. So accept the gift graciously and like everyone else said...pass it on. Somewhere, sometime, there will be someone who needs or wants something that only you can give, and then you can give it freely, and feel good about too.