Humor of the Day

[TheBizMan]

I know these type of lists have been posted before, but they are always fun to read and remember.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN

All the girls had ugly gym uniforms
It took five minutes for the TV warm up?
Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?
Nobody owned a purebred dog?
When a quarter was a decent allowance?
You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?
Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?
All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair
done every day and wore high heels?
You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without
asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air?
And, you got trading stamps to boot?
Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?
It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?
They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . . and they did?
When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?
No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in
the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?
Lying on your back in the grass with your friends?
and saying things like, 'That cloud looks like a... '?
Playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?
Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because
no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?

And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace? Share it with the children of today.

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate
that awaited the student at home?
Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by
shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.
Send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, the Hardy
Boys,Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Dowdy and the Peanut Gallery,
the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows,Nellie Bell , Roy and Dale,
Trigger and Buttermilk.

As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.

Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, 'Yeah, I remember that'?

How many of these do you remember?
Candy cigarettes
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.
Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles.
Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes.
Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum.
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers.
Newsreels before the movie.
P.F. Fliers.
Telephone numbers with a word prefix...(Raymond 4-601). Party lines.
Peashooters.
Howdy Dowdy.
Hi-Fi's & 45 RPM records.
78 RPM records!
Green Stamps.
Mimeograph paper.
The Fort Apache Play Set.

Do you remember a time when...
Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'?
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, 'Do Over!'?
'Race issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?
It wasn't odd to have two or three 'Best Friends'?
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was 'cooties'?
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?
Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials
for action figures?
'Oly-oly-oxen-free' made perfect sense?
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down
was cause for giggles?
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
War was a card game?
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!!

[tinksdad]

How many of these do you remember?
Candy cigarettes
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.
Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles.
Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes.
Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum.
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers.
Newsreels before the movie.
P.F. Fliers.
Telephone numbers with a word prefix...(Raymond 4-601). Party lines.
Peashooters.
Howdy Dowdy.
Hi-Fi's & 45 RPM records.
78 RPM records!
Green Stamps.
Mimeograph paper.
The Fort Apache Play Set.

Not only can I remember...... I have some!!!
<a href="http://s239.photobucket.com/albums/ff165/tinksdad01/?action=view&current=DSCF0219.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff165/tinksdad01/DSCF0219.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

[Joseph]

It's no wonder I had a mouth full of cavities. No flouride in the water and the massive quantities of sugar I consumed between these things, sodas (I drank a LOT of Dr. Pepper), Pixie Stix, various other types of candy and God only knows what else.

Many of today's kids may be obese, but at least most of 'em have good teeth - though I suppose in the long run that is NOT a good trade-off...

Joseph

[tinksdad]

It's no wonder I had a mouth full of cavities. No flouride in the water and the massive quantities of sugar I consumed between these things, sodas (I drank a LOT of Dr. Pepper), Pixie Stix, various other types of candy and God only knows what else.

Many of today's kids may be obese, but at least most of 'em have good teeth - though I suppose in the long run that is NOT a good trade-off...

Joseph

I was one of those obese (?) until much later in life. It's taken almost 5 years of off and on dieting but I've gone from 300+ (50" waist) to 180 (30" waist) and am still trying to knock off another 5 pounds. The only drawback to losing those other 5 pounds is that if I get any smaller in the waist I won't be able to buy my jeans at the "World's Largest Retailer" any more. They don't carry men's sizes below 30".

[Gaston]

The one I miss was here in the Northwest during hunting season every car in the school parking lot was a pickup, and every pickup had a gun rack, and every gun rack had at least 1 rifle, and none of the trucks were locked
ah for the good old days

[Joseph]

I was one of those obese (?) until much later in life. It's taken almost 5 years of off and on dieting but I've gone from 300+ (50" waist) to 180 (30" waist) and am still trying to knock off another 5 pounds. The only drawback to losing those other 5 pounds is that if I get any smaller in the waist I won't be able to buy my jeans at the "World's Largest Retailer" any more. They don't carry men's sizes below 30".

Yay for you, TD! I've managed to work my way down from 220 to 165 but my waist is still 34" and ain't likely to get any smaller! Well, OK, back when I was running about five miles a day I weighed 150 and my waist was 32" but I looked like a friggin' refugee. And since I screwed up my back, running is no longer an option.

Joseph

[wanders]

I sure do. Does this mean I'm on the road to "geezer" ????

I know these type of lists have been posted before, but they are always fun to read and remember.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN

All the girls had ugly gym uniforms
It took five minutes for the TV warm up?
Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?
Nobody owned a purebred dog?
When a quarter was a decent allowance?
You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?
Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?
All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair
done every day and wore high heels?
You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without
asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air?
And, you got trading stamps to boot?
Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?
It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?
They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . . and they did?
When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?
No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in
the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?
Lying on your back in the grass with your friends?
and saying things like, 'That cloud looks like a... '?
Playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?
Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because
no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?

And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace? Share it with the children of today.

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate
that awaited the student at home?
Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by
shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.
Send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, the Hardy
Boys,Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Dowdy and the Peanut Gallery,
the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows,Nellie Bell , Roy and Dale,
Trigger and Buttermilk.

As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.

Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, 'Yeah, I remember that'?

How many of these do you remember?
Candy cigarettes
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.
Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles.
Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes.
Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum.
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers.
Newsreels before the movie.
P.F. Fliers.
Telephone numbers with a word prefix...(Raymond 4-601). Party lines.
Peashooters.
Howdy Dowdy.
Hi-Fi's & 45 RPM records.
78 RPM records!
Green Stamps.
Mimeograph paper.
The Fort Apache Play Set.

Do you remember a time when...
Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'?
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, 'Do Over!'?
'Race issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?
It wasn't odd to have two or three 'Best Friends'?
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was 'cooties'?
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?
Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials
for action figures?
'Oly-oly-oxen-free' made perfect sense?
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down
was cause for giggles?
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
War was a card game?
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!!

[wanders]

The Post Turtle

A 70-year-old Texas Rancher got his hand caught in a gate while working cattle. He wrapped the hand in his bandana and drove his pickup to the doctor. While suturing the laceration, the doctor asked the old man about the coming election and the democratic and republican candidates.

The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Obama is a 'Post Turtle.'"

Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked what a Post Turtle was.

The old man looked at him and drawled, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a Post Turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain:

"You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor fool get down."

[Joseph]

The Post Turtle

A 70-year-old Texas Rancher got his hand caught in a gate while working cattle. He wrapped the hand in his bandana and drove his pickup to the doctor. While suturing the laceration, the doctor asked the old man about the coming election and the democratic and republican candidates.

The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Obama is a 'Post Turtle.'"

Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked what a Post Turtle was.

The old man looked at him and drawled, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a Post Turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain:

"You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor fool get down."

And ya gotta wonder what dumb SOB put him up there in the first place.

And McCain is different... how?

I weep for our country.

Joseph

[TheBizMan]

At least the post turtle can't cause trouble while he's on the post, Obama and McCain can.

I think I'll vote for Rich (nitetimes)

[wanders]

And ya gotta wonder what dumb SOB put him up there in the first place.

And McCain is different... how?

I weep for our country.

Joseph

Got to wonder why it's come down to these two out of all the people in the USA. Sigh...

[tonyj]

A New York lawyer and a cowboy are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that cowboys are so dumb that he could put one over on them easy. So the lawyer asks if the Cowboy would like to play a fun game.

The Cowboy is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists that the game is a lot of fun. 'I will ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.' This catches the Cowboy's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?' The cowboy doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket
pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the cowboy's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the air phone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart New York friends he knows, all to no avail.

After an hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes up the cowboy and hands him $500.

The cowboy pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the cowboy up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes
down with four?'

The cowboy reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

[Muggnz]

Broken lawn mower

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the car, the motorcycle, boat, e-mail and other stuff - always something more important to me than fixing the mower.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes.

When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again but I will always have a limp.....

[planovet]

[traveler]

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bag and drew her handgun, proceeding to screem at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"
The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the car and got into the drivers seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried again and then she realized why. It was the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a fresbee and two 12-packs of beer on the front seat. A few moments later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces away. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report the mistake. The officer to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car -jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filled .
Moral of story-- If you are going to have a senior moment, Make it memorable.