Funny/interesting quotes you've heard...

[CPASPARKS]

Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Winston Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

[Walt M]

What's an etsy shop?

[cccamper]

this means much to me because it is so relevant

Dance as if no one is watching,
Sing as if no one can hear,
Live each day as if it is your last.

so many by steven wright!!!!
Yesterday I thought the sky was falling;
But it was me falling over backwards.


e

[cccamper]

this is a postcard i got in egypt. (only souvenir i could afford!)

elizabeth

[planovet]

[sitnievasnie]

Hi All from South Africa

Not mine, heard / read somewhere

Let all those who believe in telekinetics raise my arm

Miles of smiles
Warren

[planovet]

In homage to George Carlin...

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Where are we going? And what’s with this hand basket?

If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole damn airplane made out of that s@%t?

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

I’m desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

[D.J.]

Forbidden fruit is the main ingredient in many jams !

[len19070]

Kevin Costner in The Untouchables after he pushed Frank Nitty off the roof.


Wheres Nitty?


He's in he car.

Happy trails

Len

[starleen2]

for Joe Dirt

Joe Dirt: So your gonna' tell me that you don't have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis?
Kicking Wing: No.
Joe Dirt: Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?
Kicking Wing: No, I don't.
Joe Dirt: You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?
Kicking Wing: No... because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.
Joe Dirt: Well that might be your problem, it's not what you like, it's the consumer.



Old Cajun Man: [In a muffled back water accent] Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt: What?
Old Cajun Man: Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt: You like to see homos naked?
Old Cajun man: Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt: Oh.
[Walks away]
Joe Dirt: Guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn't help me.

[WarPony]

Forbidden fruit is the main ingredient in many jams !

...............................

Good one, man!!

Jeff

[Mike B]

And then there is

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

and

Wherever you go, there you are. -Buckaroo Bonzai

As a programmer, this is my favorite

Pargamentum init, exit pargamentum
(Garbage in, garbage out)



Mike
Hayden Lake, ID

[swissarmygirl]

In homage to George Carlin...

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Where are we going? And what’s with this hand basket?

If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole damn airplane made out of that s@%t?

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

I’m desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

My favorite from GC: "If you love someone, set them free. If they come home, set them on fire!"

I always thought that would look nice cross-stitched on a pillow.

[planovet]

My favorite from GC: "If you love someone, set them free. If they come home, set them on fire!"

I always thought that would look nice cross-stitched on a pillow.

Ooooookay

[starleen2]

Experience is the Best teacher, but the first lesson is not always free