Humor of the Day

[Mike C.]

I didn't think that was funny at all.

+2

[Boodro]

Whenever you see these clips there is always some one in the back ground saying
" Hey you all right ? "

[Miriam C.]

Whenever you see these clips there is always some one in the back ground saying
" Hey you all right ? "

They really just want to hear if the person can sing.

[Alan Wood]

Top 13 Worst Slogan Translations Ever

If you like these, try Engrish Funny. Warning: the F word shows up a lot.

Joseph

You might also like Engrish.

[Miriam C.]

Plagiarized from ajokeaday.com

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her.

Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house."

[Mike C.]

A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself
to write the word "toilet" in her letter.

After much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term "Bathroom closet" but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.

"Does the camping ground have it's own B.C." is what she wrote.

Well, the camping ground owner wasn't a bit old fashioned, and he just couldn't figure out what the old lady was talking about, so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C. stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply.

Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.

I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.

I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.

As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.

[CASHCOW]

http://video.yahoo.com/network/10028466 ... &l=4418225


Not sure if I am posting this right, but it is worth the laugh if you can open it.

This is a good reason the wheels on the shopping carts wobble all the time.

[Muggnz]

http://video.yahoo.com/network/100284668?v=3826981&l=4418225


Not sure if I am posting this right, but it is worth the laugh if you can open it.

This is a good reason the wheels on the shopping carts wobble all the time.

worked for me in Firefox on my apple pc

[planovet]

Instructions for a fun time on the interstate:

Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive like a bat out of hell...
Step 3. Watch people freak out!!

[planovet]

For all us Baby Boomers out there:

http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-walt-babyboomers-blurb,0,1036393.blurb

[starleen2]

A gathering of folding money of various denominations was chatting about all the places they had recently been. The 1000 Dollar bill said that she had been traveling all over the world: Rio, Spain, France, and back to the USA. The 100 says, "I've seen the whole world during my lifetime. Why, I've been on cruises in Caribbean, safaris in Africa, and vacations in Europe too." The 20 says, "Well, I've not done quite as well, but I have been to Atlantic City, Disneyland, and Starbucks." They then turn to the one dollar bill and ask, "How about you?" The one, not wanting to be outdone, says, "I've seen the whole country as well. I've been from church to church to church..."

[Miriam C.]

For all us Baby Boomers out there:

http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-walt-babyboomers-blurb,0,1036393.blurb

Oh gosh I have tea everywhere and can't breath..............

[starleen2]

Aah for the good old days !

Bit exagerated but more truth than fiction - suspect it won't improve much.
HIGH SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007
Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.


Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.

Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.


Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario 7:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007- ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents -- and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

[planovet]

WISDOM OF AN OLDER WOMAN

AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 40 YEARS, A MAN TOOK A CAREFUL
LOOK AT HIS WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, "HONEY, 40 YEARS
AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR,
SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK
AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A
HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL. NOW I HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME,
A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN
TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT
SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE
OF THINGS."

HIS WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD HIM
TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE
WOULD MAKE SURE THAT HE WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE
LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR,
SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH
BLACK AND WHITE TV.

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY
KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISES!

[halfdome, Danny]

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone
believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORIT E......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.