Let's tell some OLD jokes.

[Kurt (Indiana)]

How about the rancher who wanted a divorce. He couldn't keep his "hands" off his wife.

[bittmann]

A duck walked in to a drug store and said:

"Give me some Chapstick. Put it on my bill."




Same duck walked in to the same drugstore, and said:

"Give me a condom."

Druggist says:

"Do you want that on your bill?"

Duck says:

"Hey, what kind of duck do you think I am, anyway?"

[Kurt (Indiana)]

A woman walked into a bar with a duck on her shoulder.

The bartender said,” Sorry but we don’t serve pigs in here”.

The woman then said,” why that’s not a pig, it’s a duck”.

The bartender said, “I know, I’m talking to the duck”!

[mandy]

Whats black and white and red all over.

A skunk with a sunburn.

[Arne]

Rich guy with an estate hires a recently arrived asian to take care of the grounds and be in charge of supplies.....

The owner walks around one day, can't find the asian fellow......

heads down the driveway and around a corner, the asian jumps out of the bushes, waves his arms and yells: Suplise.!!

[Joe G]

Knock Knock.....

(who's there)

Old lady

(Old lady who?)


Oh, I didn't know you could yodel.

............................................................


A Priest, Minister and a Rabbi walk into a bar.
Before they even get through the door, the bartender stops them and says,
"What is this, some kind of joke?"

[toypusher]

How do you know there is an elephant in your refrigerator??

You can smell peanut butter on his breath!

[Kurt (Indiana)]

Henny Youngman once said that he hated to play Vegas.

Last time he was there, he spent most of the night with women banging on his hotel room door.








He had to get up about 3:00am to let them out.

[toypusher]

Did ya hear about the duck flying upside down??


He quacked up!

[toypusher]

heard that AT&T and the US Postal Service were going to combine.

Their new slogan wil be: "Reach out and Lick someone"

[Boodro]

Polish Sausage



A customer asked, 'In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?'

The clerk looks at him and says, 'Are you Polish?'

The guy (clearly offended) says, 'Well, yes I am. But let me ask you
something.'
'If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was
Italian?'
'Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was
German?'
'Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was
Jewish?'
'Or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican?'
'Would you? Would you?'

The clerk says, 'Well, no!'

'If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?'

'Well, I probably wouldn't!'

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, 'Well then, why did
you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?

The clerk replies, 'Because you're in Home Depot.'

[Joe G]

Maybe you've noticed that flocks of geese fly in a "V" formation, and one side of the "V" is always a little longer than the other

Q: You know why that is?


A: Because there are more geese in it.



I remember this from when I was about four years old. I use it every chance I get, especially on little tykes.

[Myke]

What did Tennessee?


The same thing Arkansas

[Dixie Flyer]

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?

A. Here come the elephants.

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants with sunglasses on?

A. Nothing. He didn't recognize them.

[Gary and Cheri]

Did you hear what happened to the woman who backed into a fan?

Disaster!