Classic Answers from TV's Hollywood Squares

Things that don't fit anywhere else...

Classic Answers from TV's Hollywood Squares

Postby teardrop_focus » Tue Apr 14, 2009 2:02 pm

.
From an email today...

Classic Answers from TV's Hollywood Squares


Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


:lol: :applause:
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Chris Squier / teardrop_focus :-)~
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Postby Aaron Coffee » Tue Apr 14, 2009 8:17 pm

I really miss them old game shows, I remember as a kid watching them when I was at sick (cough, cough). Password, Matchgame, Price is Right... didn't understand half the jokes. Obviously this was before cable let alone satelite, and we lived in the country so had abc, cbs, nbc, and pbs. Usually watched gameshows until the soaps came on, then switched to PBS.
If I could shut my brain off, I could save myself alot of time, money and effort.
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Postby sunny16 » Tue Apr 14, 2009 9:45 pm

The best part is I can hear the voices as I read them, just like they would say them. Paul Lynde was the best!
I cut it three times and it's still too short!!
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Postby Aaron Coffee » Wed Apr 15, 2009 5:54 pm

Yep, I heard the voices, too.
If I could shut my brain off, I could save myself alot of time, money and effort.
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Postby Sam I am » Wed Apr 15, 2009 8:11 pm

My favorite line wasn't on that list, but here it is:
Paul Lynde was asked "What character in the Alice in Wonderland story ran around yelling "I'm late, I'm late!"?
Paul's answer was: "It was Alice, and her mother is just sick about it!"
:lol:
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Postby Aaron Coffee » Mon Apr 20, 2009 5:34 pm

Speaking of voices, when I get to the box to tyope in a password. I think/hear, "The password is..." from Password/Passwrod Plus. If they still had gameshows on like that I would probably have to call in sick more often. Anybody else think the newest gameshows(Who want's to be a Millionaire, etc.)are too long and drawn out?
If I could shut my brain off, I could save myself alot of time, money and effort.
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Postby Mini Renegade » Fri May 01, 2009 11:00 am

Family fortunes....

Name a bird with a long neck.........Naomi Campbell.
:R
If evvr tha dus owt fr nowt, allus do it fr thissen
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Postby Walt M » Fri May 01, 2009 5:48 pm

That joke works better in (old) York,but here in the states we don't call them (women) birds. It does make me wonder where "Chicks" came from.
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Postby bledsoe3 » Thu May 07, 2009 12:36 pm

Walt M wrote:That joke works better in (old) York,but here in the states we don't call them (women) birds. It does make me wonder where "Chicks" came from.

Would that be birds (women) under 18 years old?
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Postby BILLYL » Thu May 07, 2009 1:18 pm

Aaron Coffee wrote:Speaking of voices, when I get to the box to tyope in a password. I think/hear, "The password is..." from Password/Passwrod Plus. If they still had gameshows on like that I would probably have to call in sick more often. Anybody else think the newest gameshows(Who want's to be a Millionaire, etc.)are too long and drawn out?


Wasn't that Alan Lundt?
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gonna murder you in your sleep...." Frank Zappa
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Postby Mike B » Thu May 07, 2009 2:17 pm

Q. What are 'dual-purpose cattle' good for that other cattle aren't?
A. Paul Lynde: They give milk ... and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. You're on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the Kabuki. Why?
A. Paul Lynde: It was a long plane ride

Q. True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas?
A. Paul Lynde: Yes. We call them winos

Q. According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons?
A. Paul Lynde: No. You should dress warmly.

:lol:

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