by Cliffmeister2000 » Tue Oct 05, 2010 1:27 pm
HUMANS, CATS, AND DOGS! YUK!
I was mighty hungry. There was no game in the woods lately, it seemed. The weather was getting cooler, not yet cold but no longer warm. I wasn’t moving as fast as usual. I was getting tired, too. Pretty soon, I’d head for my den and sleep off the cold weather. Before that could happen, though, I needed a good meal.
Moving in stealth mode through the drying grass, I spotted a very healthy and fat little mouse, just outside a human place. This wasn’t a human den; it was a place where humans put all sorts of stuff they collect. Humans are sort of like big pack rats, except most of them don’t sleep with their collected treasures. They just put them in these smaller, den like places, and when they want something they go move stuff around until they find it. I like it when stuff is moved around a bunch. It makes for lots of convenient hidey-holes.
Just as I got close, the mouse spotted me and scurried through a hole in the wall of the human place. Lucky for me, the hole was just large enough for me to squeeze through. Once inside, I let my eyes adjust to the dim light. This human place was much like others I’d seen. However, this one was kept pretty empty. There were places for things to go, and for the most part, the things were in the places. There was an area that smelled like the fluids humans keep around for their noisy things, and there was an area that smelled like nothing more than dust. Over in the corner was a smell that I remember being around the places where humans put plants so they can battle the insects and rodents. Finally there was an area that had seeds. That’s where dinner would be; near the seeds. Mice love seeds, and I love mice. Humans so often have great places for mice, which make them great places for me.
Having observed humans casually over the years, I have often wondered what it is about me that makes them hate me. I don’t eat their seeds; I eat the mice that eat their seeds. I don’t disturb their plant places, but I occasionally hang out there waiting for a gopher or mole to show up for dinner. I don’t like anything they like, and I have seen how crazy they get when they see a mouse or a mole or a gopher. You would think they would like me, but they don’t.
I snuck over by the seeds. I could smell mice all around. I would have to remember this place. There are lots of mice here in the seeds. I crawled around a big bag of something, and there was the tasty little mouse! We saw each other at the same instant! I lunged, he jumped. Missed! Where did he go? Darn this cooler weather, I just can’t move like I need to.
There he is! I can tell by the way he is moving that there are other mice, probably babies, nearby. He wants to get me away from them. No matter, he’s all I need right now. I can come back later if I need to and find another snack. I ventured out into the open floor after the mouse. Suddenly, the wall opened and in walked a human, closely followed by a cat!
Discretion being the better part of valor, I curled up in the corner and tried to disappear. However, that pesky cat decided to go exploring! It got over near where I was, and I decided I needed to do my best rattlesnake impersonation before the cat realized I was just a corn snake. I raised up my head and arched my neck, while raising my tail behind me. It worked! That cat took off like I really had it in for it. Unfortunately, the human was drawn to my corner by the commotion, and I’m certain it saw me. It was carrying a weapon, one the humans use to kill some plant in their plant places, while leaving the other plants. A formidable weapon it was, and I began looking for a better place to hide.
The human didn’t come after me, though. It simply left and closed the opening it had entered through. Sweet! The human chose to leave rather than hurt me. Humans are funny creatures. Very unpredictable.
Just then, I spotted the mouse again. He had been watching the show, and I guess he thought I was a goner, because he was within striking distance, and strike I did!
There are few things on this earth as tasty as a mouse, and this one was no exception. Just as I finished my dinner and stretched out to digest it, the wall opened again. This time a bigger human with something on his head came in rather hesitantly. He had a weapon too! It was another weapon I’d seen in the plant place, one that humans used to smooth out the dirt after they have killed the unwanted plants. He came right at me, but I was helpless. With a fresh mouse in my belly, I could only lay there as he came at me with the weapon. I figured if today was my day to die, there was no better way to go than with a full belly.
Rather than attack me, however, the human lifted me gently off the ground with his weapon and carried me outside. It was bright, and it took a second for my eyes to adjust to the brightness. The human was carrying me in the general direction of my den. I could not believe my good fortune. The smaller human was there, with a dog! I hate dogs. I looked around, but didn’t see the cat anywhere. Good, because I hate cats too!
Ad Big Human carried me past Little Human and Dog, I heard a snap above my head. I looked up and Cat was flying right at me! Rather, right at Big Human. Cat landed on Big Human’s head, or on the thing Bug Human had on his head. Cat was making all kinds of aggressive noises, and Dog was growling too. Big Human lost his footing (how they walk standing up, I’ll never know. And, just to make it even harder, they put contraptions on their feet to take away any contact with the ground. Big Human had these contraptions with things on them that lifted his feet a good distance higher off the ground than most), and as he jerked around he threw me right at Little Human. Landing on her shoulder, I wrapped my body around her neck to keep from falling on Dog. God was snapping at the air, and somehow Little Human’s leg got in the part of the air that Dog was snapping at, and Dog bit the human! Little Human kicked to free itself of Dog, and kicked Big Human. About this point, everybody is standing on one leg apiece except Dog, who reared up to avoid the kick and was on two legs. As I said earlier, I don’t know how humans stand on their scrawny hind legs, but there is no way they can stay up for long on just one. As Cat ran down Big Human’s body, jumped to the back of Dog, and tried to make it back to the tree it had evidently fallen from, everybody decided to fall over at once.
I felt there would be no better time than this to get out of there, so I crawled off into the woods and headed for my den. Maybe I’d just go to sleep early this year.
