Thought for the day or Something to think about.

[SmokeyBob]

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
~Andy Rooney

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
~George Carlin

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
~ Paul Beatty

[SmokeyBob]

When do you know it's time to stop driving.

[SmokeyBob]

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
~Sir Norman Wisdom

There are only two things a child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and his mother's age.
~Benjamin Spock

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.
~Quentin Crisp

[Cliffmeister2000]

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
~Sir Norman Wisdom

Bob Hope said, loosely quoted,

"There are four steps in the aging process.

First, you forget names.

Then, you forget faces.

Next, you forget to zip up.

Finally, you forget to zip down."

[SmokeyBob]

That's a good one

[canned o minimum]

"I" forgot about that one.....I think ???

[SmokeyBob]

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
~Author Unknown

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
~Author Unknown

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
~ Bob Hope

[SmokeyBob]

My whole life is waiting for the questions to which I have prepared answers.
~Tom Stoppard

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
~Groucho Marx

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
~Oscar Wilde

[SmokeyBob]

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
~Rita Rudner

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
~George Burns

If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
~David Brent

[SmokeyBob]

Watching your daughter being collected by her date, feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.
~Jim Bishop

What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.
~Mahatma Gandhi

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years.
~Author Unknown

[Cliffmeister2000]

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

~ Dudley Moore

[SmokeyBob]

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.
~Groucho Marx

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me.
~Woody Allen

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
~Spike Milligan

[Dusty82]

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
~Author Unknown

My wife's rebuttal to this line is: "No, the voices talk to me too - they're just not telling you about it..."

[SmokeyBob]

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
~H. L. Mencken

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
~Oscar Levant

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
~Dave Barry

[SmokeyBob]

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
~James Thurber

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
~Will Rogers

No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other.
~Jascha Heifetz