Weird stuff of the day

[PaulC]

BTW - your country is on my list of places to move to before I die! I look at "move to Australia" websites all the time...

Holiday? Accommodation here if you ever get over here.
Cheers
Paul

[gman]

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening
rounds.

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old
ladies sitting in a used car.!

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the
car. Were they trying to steal it?

"Heavens no, we bought ! it."

"Then why don't you drive it away."

"We can't drive."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed
..so we're just waiting.

[sftiggee]

Old Farts' Quiz


01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset,
the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably,
someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind.
What did he leave behind?____________

02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all
watched them on The __________________ Show.

03. "Get your kicks, ___________________."

04. "The story you are about to see if true. The names have been
changed___________________."

05. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________."

06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we "danced"
under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the
"_____________."

07. "N_E_S_T_L_E_S", Nestle's makes the very best _______________."

08. Satchmo was America's "Ambassador of Goodwill." Our parents shared
this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was
_________________.

09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________

10. Red Skelton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red
always ended his television show by saying, "Good Night, and
"_______________".

11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning
their____________.

12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk
in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ____________
&
_______________.

13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, "the day the music
died." This was a tribute to ___________________.

14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The
Russians did it. It was called ___________________.

15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic
ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ________________

ok, i'm only 30, i'm gonan try this (without help from the internet!)
1. silver bullet
2. ed sullivan show
3. on route 66
4.to protect the innocent
5.the lion sleeps tonight
6. limbo
7. chocolate
8. ??? armstrong?
9. timex
10. clyde kadiddlehopper? "god bless"
11. bras?
12. beetle and bug
13. buddy holly
14. sputnik
15. hula hoop

how'd i do???

[gman]

Wow, all but 11, but I like your answere better,

[repete]

11 is draft cards.

[Lone Wolf]

8 Louis Armstrong
10 was (Freddy the Freeloader), and (MAY God Bless) because he didn't want to make a demand on God

[gman]

Latest scam, this one is real. Be careful.




I am a victim of the latest scam which is happening in shopping mall parking lots. Two good looking young women come up to your car as you are parking, one starts wiping your windshield with a rag and the other comes to your window and bends over so far her breasts just about fall out of her blouse. While you're distracted, the other one lets herself in the backseat.


Then both are begging you for a ride home. Be very wary, because as soon as you start driving, one of them will take off her shirt and rub her breasts on you while the other climbs over the seat and unzips your pants.


This is when they steal your wallet.


I was robbed last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I couldn't find them on Saturday.

[sftiggee]

Latest scam, this one is real. Be careful.




I am a victim of the latest scam which is happening in shopping mall parking lots. Two good looking young women come up to your car as you are parking, one starts wiping your windshield with a rag and the other comes to your window and bends over so far her breasts just about fall out of her blouse. While you're distracted, the other one lets herself in the backseat.


Then both are begging you for a ride home. Be very wary, because as soon as you start driving, one of them will take off her shirt and rub her breasts on you while the other climbs over the seat and unzips your pants.


This is when they steal your wallet.


I was robbed last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I couldn't find them on Saturday.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

typical man

[gman]

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they
spent their honeymoon 20 years before.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel
schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday,
with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the
hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, so he decided
to send an email to his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and
without noticing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile...somewhere in
Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a
minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and
friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and
they glanced up and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife
Date: Thursday, October 13, 2004 Subject: I have Arrived! Dearest Love: I
know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and
you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I have just arrived and
have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is
as uneventful as mine was. PS Sure is freaking hot down here!

[gman]

Plumbers Find Unusual Items on the Job.
Roto-Rooter compiles a list of the oddest items of the year.

Plumbers armed with Roto-Rooters find some strange things in pipes, toilets and sewers. The subsidiary of Cincinnati-based Chemed Corp. surveyed field technicians across North America to compile 2005's most unusual items, as reported by the Associated Press (Dec. 28, 2005.)

Paul Abrams, Roto-Rooter spokesman, told the Associated Press that the company's 2,400 field technicians, as well as most of its 3,000 franchise workers, participated in the survey, which began last year.

Here are the top five most unusual results from the survey:

A crew excavating a residential sewer main in Vicksburgh, Miss., dug up a live Civil War cannon shell, believed to be left over from Union Gen. Ulysess S. Grant's 1863 siege of the city. An Army disposal team removed it.
A cat was rescued from a storm sewer after it jumped from its owners arms and became too disoriented to escape. Roto-Rooter said the crew excavated its way through concrete and earth to reach the cat.
A plumber on a toilet repair call in Bloomington, Ill., found that a 3-year-old boy had been trying to train his GI Joes for deep-water rescues. When they didn't return, he sent Matchbox cars after them. The plumber recovered 15 toys from the pipes.
A plumber in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, answered a call from police to recover drugs that a suspect flushed down the toilet as officers arrived at the front door.
Two plumbers in Sacramento, Calif., Responded to a business with a backed-up sewer main that had caused toilets and sinks to overflow. Roto-Rooter said the clog was caused by a number of empty miniature liquor bottles, possibly from an employee sneaking drinks on the job and flushing the evidence.

[gman]

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to
18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker
shock! That doesn't even include college tuition.

But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:

* $8,896.66 a year,

* $741.38 a month,

* $171.08 a week.

* That's a mere $24.24 a day! Just over a dollar an hour.



Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if
you want to be "rich." Actually, it is just the opposite.

What do you get for your $160,140?

* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!

* Glimpses of God every day.

* Giggles under the covers every night.

* More love than your heart can hold.

* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.

* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.

* A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.

* A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites

* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how
your stocks performed that day.



For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to:

* finger-paint,

* carve pumpkins,

* play hide-and-seek,

* catch lightning bugs, and

* never stop believing in Santa Claus.



You have an excuse to:

* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,

* watching Saturday morning cartoons,

* going to Disney movies, and

* wishing on stars.

* You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets
and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in
clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.



For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero
just for:

* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,

* taking the training wheels off a bike,

* removing a splinter,

* filling a wading pool,

* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never
wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.



You get a front row seat to history to witness the:

* first step,

* first word,

* first bra,

* first date, and

* first time behind the wheel.



You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree,
and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called
grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology,
nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no
college can match. In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under
God. You have the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the
bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and
love them without limits. And so one day they will, like you, love without
counting the cost.



That is quite a deal for the price!!!!!!!

Love & enjoy your children & grandchildren and all the little ones in your
life

[PaulC]

Hey gman, You should send that last one straight to Miriam, She of the new Grandchild.
Cheers
Paul

[Hardin Valley Magic]

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1950's, 60's, 70's and 80's!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.


Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.


We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.


We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and

NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because .

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day

And we were O.K.



We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down
the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms..........
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,

made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang
the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.

They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned

HOW TO

DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them . . . CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as
kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives

for our own good.

And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it

[gman]

(Research done by the AARP Legal Department)




Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan.

The doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.


Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.

Q. Will health care be different in the next century?

A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

To Your Good Health (because as you'll see, you'll need it!)

[TomS]

An executiive at a large HMO died and went to Heaven where he was greeted by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the man what he did in life to earn his place in Heaven. The Executive replied "Using my management skills, I provided affordable healthcare for my community".

St. Peter Said, "That's quite an accomplishment my son. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven". As the executive passed through the Pearly Gates, St. Peter added, "Just one last thing. You can only stay here 24 hours."