"When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship." ~Dick Gregory
If you're on a ball field and someone shouts "Heads up!" don't actually raise your head up. Cover it with your arms and duck.
"I know a baseball star who wouldn't report the theft of his wife's credit cards because the thief spends less than she does."
~Joe Garagiola