How Fights Start

[CARS]

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************



My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in
bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

******************************************



Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped
quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded
to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I
cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out
fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

******************************************



I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just
get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't
believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me,
and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

*****************************************



My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary She
said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...

******************************************



When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place
expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.

And then the fight started...

******************************************



After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough
for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************



My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'

And then the fight started...

******************************************



I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order
first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

******************************************



A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy
with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat
and ugly.. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

[WhitneyK]

The other night my wife wanted me to take somewhere to eat that she hadn't been in a loooong time,..... I took her to the kitchen.


Disclaimer: Actually my wife is an excellent cook, matter of fact, supper is usually ready, my plate's filled and sittin' on the table.

[starleen2]

Posted online that I was about to build another teardrop. . .

[dh]

True story, I was reading one of these to the old lady, she said ''kiss my butt'', I said ''its too big, I might fall in''... and thats how the fight started.

[nrody]

Ok so I am at work and I start reading "and thats how the fight started" I nearly fell off my chair laughing. I had to send these on to my coworkers. It is friday after all!

Thank you for making me smile!

[rbeemer]

The wife was cooking and I was reading a magazine when she asked if I thought her butt was big. Not listening I suddenly burst out its a 5 wide...that's how the fight started

[donald & daisy duck]

After being married for thirty years....a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her slowly...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asks..... "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said...."Oh, that's so lovely..... What about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

His eye is still swollen....but it will get better...............

[donald & daisy duck]

The Green Thing
>
> In the line at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.
>
> The woman apologized to him and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."
>
> The clerk responded, " That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment."
>
> He was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.
>
> Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.
>
> But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
>
> We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.
>
> But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.
>
> Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
>
> Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana.
>
> In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.
>

> When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
>
> Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
>
> But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.
>
> We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.
>
> We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
>
> But we didn't have the green thing back then.
>
> Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.
>
> We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.
>
> But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?
>
> Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.

[Maureenm]

Love it!

[dh]

I hate to be 'that guy' but, in the day of returning bottles they didn't have throw away cartridge razors. They had straight blade razors that they sharpened when they got dull.

[CARS]

I hate to be 'that guy' but, in the day of returning bottles they didn't have throw away cartridge razors. They had straight blade razors that they sharpened when they got dull.

I remember returning bottles to the grocery store and I also remember double-edge razor blades being loaded in my dads razor. I'm not old enough to remember straight blades other than what I have seen on TV.

So I think "we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. " is an accurate statement.

[Cliffmeister2000]

I hate to be 'that guy' but, in the day of returning bottles they didn't have throw away cartridge razors. They had straight blade razors that they sharpened when they got dull.

I remember returning bottles to the grocery store and I also remember double-edge razor blades being loaded in my dads razor. I'm not old enough to remember straight blades other than what I have seen on TV.

So I think "we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. " is an accurate statement.

I remember a slot in the back of the medicine cabinet, designed to drop used razor blades in.

[parnold]

I had to laugh at the matches. I remember when they were the deodorizer of choice, not the fancy cfc spewing aerosols smelly things we have now.

[Jazzy Lynn]

[quote="Cliffmeister2000
I remember a slot in the back of the medicine cabinet, designed to drop used razor blades in.



[/quote]

I replaced an old medicine cabinet in my bathroom last year that had a slot in it and I never new what the slot was for. Thanks for that bit of information. I didn't find any used blades behind the cabinet, so apparently none of the previous owners knew what the slot was for either.
Barbara